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Original poster

Opinion please... Wedding abroad invite wording...

60 replies

ElBombero · 06/04/2014 23:02

We are sending you this note, explaining our wedding plan. We'd love you to be there and we're hoping that you can.

We're getting married in xxxxx, somewhere nice and hot. We wish we could pay for you but it would be quite a lot.

For this reason we are asking you to bear our date in mind, so if you'd wish to join us we'd think it awfully kind.

We realise it may not be possible for everyone to come. And understand if you cannot attend as it maybe a hefty sum

We are going to tie the knot on xxxxx and hope you can be there. But if not please don't worry as we'll also be celebrating here.

We will be sending out the invitations & finalising the details & such. We will keep you updated on the info and we'll be in touch.

OP posts:

Trills · 07/04/2014 19:17

If your friends are the sort who would think the poem was "cute" (as you did) then send it.

Just be aware that many people do not think they are cute.

The sentiment is fine, but I'd ditch the "we'd love to pay".

Stick to the important info:
We're getting married in on
If you can come we'd be very happy (making it clear who is invited, e.g. kids)
If you can't we'l ltotally understand
There will also be a celebration loser to home in on >date>

SirChenjin · 07/04/2014 19:18

Because, like it or not, few people can afford both - esp. since you've acknowledged you deciding to get married abroad is a ''hefty sum". FFS.

Unless of course all of your friends and family are loaded, and can afford to do your "hefty sum" wedding abroad and the family holiday of their choice - in which case there's no need for the poem at all, is there? FFS.

Original poster

ElBombero · 07/04/2014 19:21

Thanks everyone, just was meaning for it to come across that we would love them to come but not to feel bad of they can't.

Just wanted to get the invites out then they'll be no "oh i wish we'd of known etc"

I definitely won't use the poem!!

OP posts:

HoneyBadgerPersonified · 07/04/2014 19:23

Because you haven't told us roughly where it is! No need to be grumpy when you're asking for advice. If Tenerife then some people may be able to afford both. If it's Grenada or New Zealand - probably not.

Agree with other posters, no poem, just a save the date with location. People can work out the cost and it does sound like you'd rather they don't come.

BillyBanter · 07/04/2014 19:29

Do a standard save the date stating the location and a short note saying you will also be hosting a party at home fir those unable to make it.

ZenNudist · 07/04/2014 19:30

As someone who got married abroad. I second the no poem sentiment.

I just emailed and gave date/location and said I'd also be having a uk party for those not able to attend. I didn't want many people there so was genuinely not bothered. I also knew in advance who of my friends and family really couldn't afford it or had young children so couldn't come.

Bowlersarm · 07/04/2014 19:33

OP - MN just hates wedding poems.

If I were you I'd have a chat with a number of people close to you, and see what they think. If they approve, then do it. If you get the same reaction as on here, then clearly don't.

Itsfab · 07/04/2014 19:35

" We wish we could pay for you but it would be quite a lot."

This is awful. It might say but it reads like you aren't worth our money.^

Poetry when you are asking for something is twatty. And it isn't even a good bit of writing.

"I thought it was cute." People always do. They need MN to tell them they are wrong.

Send a save a date card with the venue for the wedding. People will be easily able to work out that it is going to cost them £££ to go to a wedding abroad. Still gives them time to save if they want to go if you are giving them months and months notice.

Itsfab · 07/04/2014 19:39

Best thing to do

send save a date card.
send out proper invitations.

no talk of money, no talk of understanding if you can't make it (patronising) no wanky poems.

"No not family holiday or my wedding! Why not both? FFS."

Because, as others have said, no everyone can afford two big expenses .

NoIamAngelaHernandez · 07/04/2014 19:39

I think you should send the date for the abroad wedding and the party in the uk.

We are strapped for cash and there is NO WAY I would go abroad for a friend's wedding. If you actually expect / want people to go to the wedding I think it is hugely inconsiderate and selfish to marry abroad.

If you really don't care if your friends and family are there, then not a problem.

MaryWestmacott · 07/04/2014 19:41

Agree, no poem!

I've been invited to and attended overseas weddings, best to just send an email along the lines of:

Hi, we will send out formal invites closer to the date, but wanted to give you a little advance notice that we will be marrying in (country) on (day, month) next year.

We know it's a long way to go and understand that a lot of you won't be able to join us. If you are interested in coming, there's a link to the hotel we are marrying in. (If you have any discount, say do here) There are also a lot of other hotels in different price ranges in the area. (Assuming there are- put this in so people don't feel they are expected to stay in the same hotel if it's pricy)

Do let us know and happy to provide more info if you have any questions, bride&groom. X

rookiemater · 07/04/2014 19:45

I think the sentiments of your invite are fine, but no to the poem and don't go asking your friends, they'll say it's ok, but we all know it's not already.

I really like trills approach :

Stick to the important info:
We're getting married in on
If you can come we'd be very happy (making it clear who is invited, e.g. kids)
If you can't we'll totally understand
There will also be a celebration closer to home in on >date>

LeaveYourSisterBe · 07/04/2014 19:46

Horrible poem, so glad you've decided not to use it. Receiving that would give me the rage on misuse of English grounds alone! Keep it simple.

WhoNickedMyName · 07/04/2014 19:46

Any mention of money at all in a wedding invite, whether its asking for some or talking about cost, is really undignified.

mateysmum · 07/04/2014 19:48

Not both because unless your guests are very well off, many will not be able to afford both.

Original poster

ElBombero · 07/04/2014 19:51

No don't mean do both mean they can have both their family holiday where we're going and be at our wedding at the same time if that what they wanted

OP posts:

BillyBanter · 07/04/2014 19:53

I wouldn't be at all bothered by the poem. I would snortle a bit probably and share it on MN or elsewhere...

I just think something simpler is less likely to get a second airing on MN once the guest receive it!

andadietcoke · 07/04/2014 19:58

Another no for the poem.

I'm going to a family wedding abroad next summer. It's in term time so DH (a teacher) can't come. I am a bridesmaid, as are my DTDs. I dread to think how much it's going to costs for what can't be a family holiday, because we can't all go. Maybe this will apply to some of your guests too?

Oh, and try to avoid a hen do abroad too. My bride has decreed that she refuses to have a hen do in the UK and she wants to go 'somewhere sunny'. I am generally less than enamoured with destination weddings at the moment, sorry!

MaryWestmacott · 07/04/2014 19:59

Oh yes and take out any mention of money and cost (other than details if there's a group discount for the hotel). It's both tacky and shows a lack of understanding that you are also asking for people's time as well as money, and that might be a bigger problem.

Depending on if I go back to work after the end of my mat leave this year, the thing that might mean we couldn't go to an overseas wedding wouldn't be the cost (assuming you're talking about a short haul destination that's not too expensive) - but the time off, if it was term time wedding, it would be an automatic no, but if even if it was school holidays, it still might be difficult as DH and I have to juggle the childcare in the school holidays between us. (term time care sorted).

using an extra week when DH and I are both off at the same time to go to a wedding, would reduce the time we could take together for a family holiday.

Yama · 07/04/2014 19:59

ElBomBero - if my friends told me now where their wedding was in summer 2015, I'd try to go.

The poem wouldn't bother me but I'd prefer the information in paragraphs.

InkleWinkle · 07/04/2014 20:21

Yuk to the poem.

Just send a save the date to give warning then a proper invite.
Make sure you name everyone invited in each family so people are in no doubt if kids are included etc.

Itsfab · 07/04/2014 20:23

I think saying you would understand if they can't make it is also something that should be left out.

HoneyBadgerPersonified · 07/04/2014 20:25

Sorry OP - misunderstood your post about family holiday combined with wedding. But again, this is dependent on the wedding location and the family situation of the majority of your guests. Mostly singles/ couples/ young families/ teenage families etc? A pricey resort in the Maldives may not be suitable for a young family who normally do all inc packages in Spain/ Portugal etc. But if most of the people able to come are single/ couples they would prob love that.
For example we've been invited to a wedding this year in a malaria area which we (and a few mutual friends) unfortunately can't attend as babies will be too small for anti malarials.

HoneyBadgerPersonified · 07/04/2014 20:28

Btw am not trying to tell you to not get married abroad - do whatever you and OH want, if there is ever a day to be selfish... But just appreciate more of your guests may not be able to come than you expect, and don't feel offended if they can't.

SirChenjin · 07/04/2014 20:34

No don't mean do both mean they can have both their family holiday where we're going and be at our wedding at the same time if that what they wanted

...which translates as 'you have 2 choices. Either forget your own plans for your family holiday that year, come to where I've chosen to get married - or don't come at all'.

There will be 3 camps.

Fuck that, I'll see her when she gets back.
Oh FFS. Right DH and kids, we're not going to X on holiday, even though this is where we all wanted to go, we're going to Y because ElBombero has decided that's where she wanted to get married and we can't afford to do both. She's very dear to me and we will absolutely go, even though it's not where we wanted to go on holiday, sorry. Better get saving now.
Oh brilliant, we can go to X for ElBombero's wedding, and because money is not an object we can decide if we still want to go to Y.

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