Future SIL is doing my head in!

[NatzCNL]

My future SIL and I have never been close. She is DP only (biological) sister and is 3 years older than us.

I know she has always felt I trapped DP into being a father (fell pregnant 4 years in to our relationship, unplanned, although some members of his family do not believe that), anyway, 11 years and 3 children down the line it seems she likes me less and less.

We are getting married next week, and ever since we announced our plans to marry her hostility towards me has got worse. One of her children was very excited when we announced at a family get together that we had set a date for our wedding, her response to his excitement was, 'its a Wednesday so you are not going, you aren't missing a day off school for that'. Shut her right up when I pointed out that it was school holidays so all the children could attend.

We asked her daughter to be bridesmaid as she is our only niece and has never been a bridesmaid, SIL didn't even seem pleased or thank us - I know we shouldn't be thanked, but some recognition of appreciation would have been nice.

She complains about how she is going to get to the wedding, and how much a cab is going to cost her. Talking to DP's mum in front of me she said yesterday, 'I ain't staying long (at the wedding reception)' with the pfft thrown in with it. She and her dad do not speak to each other and have not for 10 years, so I know that seeing him again at the wedding after all this time will be hard. But last night she announced that she will NOT stand in any photos that her dad will be in and neither will her children.

I was very upset and angry at her lack of concern over disrupting our day and the photos we want, and her aparent lack of respect or love for her own brother that she would happily ruin parts of his wedding because of her own personal feelings towards a family member, we have been doing our best with seating and positioning in the photos to keep them as far apart as possible. DP eventually talked her round explaining that it wouldn't be just her and their dad, but also all their brothers and step family.

Yesterday we were discussing the weather and I said I hoped the sun and warm weather would come back for our wedding day, and she SNEERED and said, 'forcasting rain and sleet' and actually smiled!!!

Why is she being such a bitch? Am I being too sensative? I know she doesn't like me, DP knows she doesn't like me. But on the occassions when I have fronted her up on it and asked her outright if there is a problem between us, she acts all sweet and says no, invites us to dinner and offers to babysit. But she eventually goes back to the little comments or dismisses things I say. She is like this with her eldest brothers wife too but they all fell out in a big way a few years back and cut all contact for about 6 years, things are still on tender ground between them all.

I know I sound childish, but I really dont want her at my wedding. I would never ask DP to tell her not to come, she is his sister. Im just so angry that she cant put him first for one day. I know that things are going to kick off at the wedding, through no fault of his dads because he has no issues with seeing his daughter and grandchildren, but I have a feeling she is going to go into drama mode and cause a huge fuss. I will never forgive her if either I or DP have to spend any of our wedding day trying to sort out their issues with each other.

Am I being a bridezilla and getting too worked up about this?

[AKMD]

She sounds awful. Any 'issues' that she cause son your wedding day are not your problem, let her mum sort her out. My SIL threw a hissy on my wedding day and I ran round after her for a while but then left her to it.

[NatzCNL]

That's terrible AKMD! Im glad you just left her to it in the end, I hope it didn't ruin your day?

Im more likely to end up arguing with her if she kicks off, which in turn will end up with me and DP probably falling out and putting a real stinker on the start of our marriage.

I wont run around after her. Have given a few words to other guests to keep her away from her dad, and to escourt her out if she starts to kick up a fuss. Of everything I should be worrying about, this is something I could do without.

Oh well, this time next week it will all be over....!

[DizzyKipper]

Of course you're not being a bridezilla. Very sorry to hear about your family issues, your SIL sounds really horrible. If she creates problems don't try to sort it out yourself, are there people you trust who you can tell beforehand and leave to deal with it? I have similar concerns with MIL causing a scene and picking fights with my side of the family - our plan is to have MIL ejected if she does this. Maybe if she starts causing a scene some one could just order her a taxi and get her out of there?

[Fluffycloudland77]

Are you me?

Mine wore a very short skirt to our wedding, had a face like a slapped arse when a camera wasnt on her, insisted we invite her sil, and took most of the buffet home in a box.

She didnt give us a wedding present.

People still comment on the skirt when we look at the wedding album, I think she is on one photo. The group photo. I could have had her photoshopped out but thought IWBU.

On the day all focus is on you and you find other guests, usually married ones, very protective to the bride and groom and willing to help keep things running smoothly.

Make sure she has her taxi booked.

[LittlePicnic]

OP- how did it go?

[NatzCNL]

Sorry for the late reply, only just seen your message. Wedding day was perfect! SIL was very well behaved. On the day I dont think anything could have ruined it for me, I didn't really notice anyone else except DH and our gorgeous girls.

I've only seen SIL once since the wedding, and we have not spoken since, but not for any reason other than there has been no need to.

After her dad left on the wedding day, she changed completely, totally relaxed and got up dancing.

Dizzykipper - have you had your wedding yet? I hope it all went well x