Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Did/have any of you

17 replies

AbsDuCroissant · 25/03/2011 14:26

started looking into planning etc. before the official proposal?

DP and I have been discussing getting married (well, we knew a few weeks into being together that this was it) a lot recently, but no official proposal yet. But ... we have kind of started planning stuff. We've decided on a rough guest list, decided who's going to marry us, vague idea as to when/where (well, the country at least, more complicated than you'd think) and what we're going to eat and drink Grin (very important)

I am dying to start proper planning. I have a whole SPREADSHEET just waiting to be filled in and have started a very vague budget-y one in a "we need to know how much it's going to cost" kind of way.

Is this odd?

OP posts:
RuthChan · 25/03/2011 18:30

I'm not sure I'd describe it as odd, but it does seem to be a bit backward!
Maybe you should point out that he has omitted to propose!
Some men think they can get away without such things and because you have already started discussing plans, maybe he too thinks that the fact of getting married is already decided.

jumpforjoy · 25/03/2011 19:31

OP perhaps you should propose to him then you can really get started

Original poster
AbsDuCroissant · 28/03/2011 15:37

Oh, he's aware.

We kind of agreed that he would propose on a trip we're planning, so I'm waiting until then.

But I a) love planning and b) am super impatient so am champing at the bit a bit.

I wouldn't want to propose and kind of steal his thunder.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 28/03/2011 15:41

Seems very odd to me but then I am totally not 'into' big weddings (my idea of hell) - a spreadsheet Confused ? ! ? - it sounds as though you are more interested in the wedding than being married. But whatever makes you happy Smile.

Original poster
AbsDuCroissant · 28/03/2011 15:45

I am very much into being married, but as this is one of the few events all my family and friends can/would be in the same place (they live on four different continents), it's a big thing to me.

OP posts:
LizaTarbucksAuntie · 28/03/2011 16:05

awww I don't blame you I only wish I was that organised - my lovely sister keeps waving spreadhseets at me and I keep running for cover.

Hope you get a wonderfully romantic proposal and soon!

Ragwort · 28/03/2011 17:06

Well good luck with everything Abs Smile - just make sure you don't become a Bridezilla Grin.

Original poster
AbsDuCroissant · 28/03/2011 17:10

I'll try my best, but I can't guarantee anything Grin

OP posts:
oohlaalaa · 28/03/2011 17:36

Yes, we discussed being married before DP proposed. There was a retirement sale at a jewellers near us, and we chose the engagement ring together (half price), before getting engaged. I did not get given the ring to wear on daily basis until our holiday in Venice.

I started looking up bridal bits and bobs before engagement, but kept it hidden from partner, as I thought he may be put off asking if he knew I was turning into bridezilla before the engagement.

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 28/03/2011 17:43

Not silly at all especially if you have a rough date in mind and want to narrow down location/budget a bit more. Knowing prices and feasibility can also help set a date.

I wouldn't book or buy anything but I'd do a fair amount of preliminary research. I'd already decided where I was going to get married before I met DH, but I'm odd like that...

(which country did you decide on?)

Original poster
AbsDuCroissant · 28/03/2011 17:46

His one (france). Most of his family are there, or thereabouts. Mine's in England, Scotland, South Africa, the US ... in amongst others. I know my immediate family would prefer us to marry in the UK (as it's easier for them), but France being cheaper, his family being much bigger, better weather (he's from the South) and his grandmothers made us choose France (one is too old to travel far).

I have avoided discussing stuff like dresses etc. from him as a) he'd be bored to tears and b) I don't want him to think I've gone crazy.

We've decided on sometime next year, preferably on a bank holiday (so it's easier for people travelling to and from)

OP posts:
SnapFrakkleAndPop · 28/03/2011 17:53

Administratively simpler as well. British or French bank holiday? Don't go for mid-August - they don't seem to get that it's a fab time to get married and half the world shuts up shop! Ascension?

You don't want to discuss dresses with him at all! It's a surprise!

If you don't have a precise location in mind yet my MIL is considering doing weddings at the family chateau (which is where we were married) in the south, near Nîmes and she has some cracking contacts if you want details? Not that you're planning anything.

Original poster
AbsDuCroissant · 29/03/2011 09:12

Yeah, I've heard that, about having to register if married outside of France and all that palaver.

Still seeing - it needs to coincide with a whole bunch of school holidays OR the end of May bank holiday (which will actually be in June) where there's two days in a row, so you have a four day weekend. I'm more concerned about coinciding with UK holidays, as the people from the UK will have to travel there and back, whereas it's less of a schlep for people in France (and if necessary, they have more annual leave allowance)

When we get closer to the time I'll send you a message - thanks!

OP posts:
SnapFrakkleAndPop · 29/03/2011 09:36

It was probably me whinging about the registering and the consulate in London being crap Grin

Trying to combine French/English holidays is a PITA, especially as for things like Mayday the English have the nearest Monday but the French actually get the 1st of May...

Happy planning!

Original poster
AbsDuCroissant · 29/03/2011 09:56

I think it was actually ...

OP posts:
melodyangel · 29/03/2011 10:58

We started to plan before the official proposal, but we're odd so...

Sarsaparilllla · 04/04/2011 20:21

I don't really understand the concept of planning/deciding to get married but waiting for a proposal, if we'd started planning I'd have announced we were engaged and getting married, and told him so! I couldn't be bothered waiting about for him to decide when a proposal was going to happen (which is never really going to be a surprise because you both know it's happening :o )

A girl I know came into work once and said she'd bought her engagement ring at the weekend, so I said congratulations, but she said, no she wasn't engaged she was waiting for him to ask Hmm I don't really 'get' having a proposal if the answer has already been decided

New posts on this thread. Refresh page