Bridezilla or AIBU?

[Grumpyandfrustrated]

Namechanged for this - worried about being recognized

I got married 15 years ago, and DH's neice sister was my (only) bridesmaid. Fastforward 15 years, and DH's neice is getting married and has kindly asked my two daughters to be bridesmaids. Lots of fuss, lots of dress fittings and lots of attention.

About a month ago, my DS burst into tears and said he felt left out. We wondered what to do, but generally being a close family, we dared to ask DH's neice if DS could wander around in a suit, perhaps carrying the rings on a cushion, just so that he felt a bit more included.

She seemed absolutely brilliant about this. 'We want DS to feel included' 'Never thought of that, that's a good idea' etc etc. DS was hugely cheered up. We bought him a suit. Everything fine. Or so we thought.

Until tonight when DH's neice announced that she had had a rethink and 'there is no role for DS'.

So now I have to tell DS that he isn't involved (again). And it's worse the second time.

Frankly I am so pissed off that I don't even want to go to this dratted wedding. WWYD, if anything?

How old is he? If he's young enough then there's no need to tell him anything. Let him wear the suit as planned and give him a job yourself. Let him have a cheap camera and ask him to take photos for you or something?

I agree with Tallulah - make him your family "offical photographer"

But make sure he doesn't get in the way of the real photographer!
(but check on the day with the real photographer - one wedding I went to once, the photographer kept telling the kids where to find the best shots! was so cute!)

It may not be a slight on your DS. Maybe there's another little boy who would feel slighted if he wasn't page boy, and B&G thought the best thing to do is not pick anyone?

I think that the bride might be right that there is no specific 'role' for your DS; I have never experienced young attendants having special duties unless they were step children of bride or groom. Mostly they have a nice outfit and pose for the photos. The most I ever did as a bridesmaid myself was as a witness because I was over 18 and the other bridesmaid wasn't! It's easy to let the numbers of attendants snowball, with the increased cost of outfitting them.

I think you need to clarify with the bride what she means and whether she is preventing him from being involved at all. Would it be so hard to have him in the photos with his sisters, wearing his smart suit? Which you have paid for if that is an issue? If she is going back on her word, ask her how she would feel if you refused your DD's as bridesmaids? I suspect lots of family members are pressurising her and saying 'you can't ask x and not y', but she should consider how her actions are now going to affect DS. How would your girls feel if she suddenly dropped them as bridesmaids? I understand that it looks like favouritism from your point of view.

Frankly, I'd go along with what Tallulah said. Tell DS that his role is to look smart and pose nicely for the photos. Explain that his sisters won't be doing much more than that themselves, and find him 'special, grown up' tasks.

If the bride won't even discuss it and reach some kind of compromise, do whatever you feel is best under the circumstances. Bear in mind that refusing your DD's being bridesmaids, or none of you attending the wedding may cause a family rift.