Humanist ceremony

[ovumahead]

We got married this summer in a very low key ceremony, witnessed by two friends. Our families weren't invited, most didn't mind, apart from our mums, which we feel bad about. That's a very very short summary of what was a hugely complex decision, and is not the main point of this post - just a bit of context.

Anyway, we're planning to have a big celebratory party next year, and would like some kind of 'ceremony' in which our families/friends can witness and participate in. I've contacted a local humanist celebrant who sounds great. We haven't actually met him yet, but I know our input will be really important, we can basically have whatever kind of a ceremony we like... Problem is, I'm incredibly indecisive, and my husband is incredibly shy! He can't stand the thought of saying vows in front of anyone, which is obviously a bit of a problem and is one of the reasons we had such a low key wedding in the first place.

I just wondered - have any of you either had or been to a humanist ceremony before? If so, what was it like? Were there any lovely elements you think we might consider including? Or were there some really awful things about it that you hated?

I was thinking it would be nice to somehow involve everyone there (probably about 20 people or so), partly so it's inclusive, and partly so the whole focus isn't on us.

Ideas warmly welcomed!

Am interested in this also - we were going to have a humanist wedding and a naming day for Evie. Never got round to it, but the celebrant was lovely - very helpful. we'll probably do it some point next year as well. I'll be watching this to see if anyone has any first hand information. :-)

The nice thing about it though is you can have it anywhere so if your garden is big enough you can do it there with a gazebo/marquee or something.

PS congratulations on your wedding.

We had a humanist wedding. We wanted to get married outdoors, which isn't legal in England, so it worked for us. Other than that the ceremony itself was fairly traditional, but it doesn't have to be. As you say, you can have exactly what you want, which includes saying as much or as little as you like. So if your husband is shy, then the celebrant could say all the "do you take ovumahead to be your wife?" stuff, and your husband can just say "I do". You can include jokey things, e.g. "will you promise to always put the loo seat down, and to take the bins out?" "I will".

You can play any music that is special to the two of you, or ask someone to sing, or indeed, if you want to involve everyone, ask ALL the guests to sing "all you need is love", or something like that...

There are so many ways to show love and thoughtfulness that don't have to involve your husband saying anything. He could choose a poem or reading that reflects how he feels about you, but not let you know what it is so it's a surprise on the day, and ask a good friend or family member to read it. One of our readings was a children's story about dinosaurs...don't ask!

Of course you can sit or stand as you wish, so it doesn't have to be the two of you standing up in front of everyone, you could all be sitting more informally at a scattering of small tables...

LEt ke know if you have any specific questions and I will try to help.

Thanks Run that's a helpful start. I like the idea of keeping it fairly light-hearted. Hmmm lots to think about!

Anyone else have any experiences/ suggestions?

I haven't been to a Humanist wedding, but both of my grandparents had Humanist funerals (know this is not the same, but am very sure it is the same principles they use for the ceremonies!) There is a Humanist website too, where you can glean some info about what it all entails.

Both ceremonies were extremely personal - the key principals of Humanism are about the people, not the actual ceremony, so you can basically follow their very basic outlines.

The minister will usually come to your home and ask for information about you both and your lives together. He/she may very well also ask for family/close friends to be present for anecdotal reasons. He/she will have their own questions about you and your relationship, which they will then use as part of the ceremony.

You can include any personal poems/music that ean something to you.

I know that there are legal things that have to be included (we had a civil ceremony) and the Humanist minister will be no different (although not sure these will be included if you are actually married!).

The celebrants are really lovely - they really do listen to you and wil try their best to adhere to your wishes.
What I found truly lovely at the funerals of both my grandparents was how very personal it was - and not at all about anything else other than the lives of the people involved. And that included all of us as a family.

The only thing I would say is make sure they get the names right! Because they don't really know you they can get a little confuddled . So names of some folk might get slightly confused!