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I have two questions, and need help with both! One ceremony based, one child based

11 replies

Ladydutchalot · 03/08/2010 22:31

Dp and I are getting married in September 2011 (hopefully!). Dp totally un-religious, thinks religious people are gullible fools etc etc. I don't know where I stand on religion yet, but am defo more towards the religious aspect. I want to go for a non-religious ceremony, as think it is a bit of a mockery as he is so anti organised religion, but he wants a church wedding, as it is "what everyone does". There is a fabulous castle nearby that does weddings, should I try to persuade him that this is probably better for our situation? I would find a church ceremony uncomfortable, as I would know he would be mocking the whole thing in his head, and don't want that.

The second thing is, we have a 6 year old dd, but it looks like she may be the only child at the wedding. None of our friends have had children yet, as they are still careering, and all the family children have grown up. She would be devastated if she missed it, so what can we do to make sure she doesn't get too bored? She is an only, so can be a little demanding in situations that take our attention away from her for long periods, as the wedding and reception may do.

I know these are silly questions, but it's all so overwhelming!

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 03/08/2010 22:33

1 Go for non-church but nice ceremoney. Find out what it is about church services that DP likes (and what you like) and work on having that without the actual religion.

2 Is there a favourite auntie/babysitter who can be on DD duty? If not it's a long time til the wedding, can you try out candidates for the role of 'favourite babysitter'? A pretty dress and role carrying flowers will probably help too.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 03/08/2010 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feedthegoat · 03/08/2010 22:38

I'm not religious and eflt like you, that I didn't want to make a mockery of someone elses beliefs by getting married in church. So we did opt for a civil ceremony. Where you stand on that can only be decided by you though really.

We only had one child at our wedding my best friends (also my bridesmaid) ds who was also 6 and an only at the time. To be honest, he was so busy showing off and entertaining everyone that he didn't get chance to get bored. But maybe you could make her a pretty little bag of craft type activities she could do at the table during the reception if you are worried she'll not sit?

Ladydutchalot · 03/08/2010 22:41

Thank you for answering my questions so quickly, I feel like such an old hand at motherhood, but such a newbie at weddings, surely that's the wrong way round!

Dp loves the to have and to hold part (as do I). I think he just feels he has to do what is expected, and follow what everyone else has done. He finds expectations (even imaginary ones) hard to shake. Are you allowed to sing at non-church ones? I really want to sing "one more step along the world I go" !

Dd gets on very well with a lot of our friends, and some of the ones she doesn't know as well (dp's childhood friends from back home) are scout leaders etc, so are amazing with children. Do you think it is worth me making some treasure maps/exploration things for her to do just in case? The gardens for the places we would like to marry are fabulous! She is also ring bearer, and is taking the role VERY seriously!

OP posts:
maktaitai · 03/08/2010 22:42

what trillianastra said.

Do you know what kind of reception you would like? How about a stand-up buffet/canapes, quick speeches, turning into ceilidh/country dancing as quickly as possible? DD could have some jobs during the reception - handing round plates of things, making sure older relatives have food etc? Then that sort of dancing means everyone's on the floor and she always has someone with her?

cece · 03/08/2010 22:43

I think civil weddings are lovely. Plus there is often no need for transport between wedding and reception venues. Plus if everyone is staying at the venue too it makes for a relaxed evening. (By this I mean alcohol).

Give you DD a role, such as bridesmaid. During the recption she could go around with a 'visitor' type book and ask people to write messages for the newly married couple.

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 03/08/2010 22:46

I've definitely been to more civil weddings than church weddings, so church weddings certainly aren't "what everyone does".

Ladydutchalot · 03/08/2010 22:46

You are all such wonders, thank you. I definitely feel more comfortable with steering him towards a civil ceremony now.

I think dd may well be pretty happy with a few disposable cameras and a fabby show-off outfit that will let her slide around on the dance floor. Great great great idea re inviting a friend though, she would love that. She is perfectly behaved as long as she doesn't get bored, as with all children!

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 03/08/2010 22:48

I can't understand why he wants a church wedding, it makes no sense. Go for a register office one IMO.

Does DD have friends she could invite?

Ladydutchalot · 03/08/2010 22:48

Ooooh I am so excited about the wedding now. The ceremony was concerning me much more than I had thought! Hurrah!! You are all super advisors and should have wonderful spandex outfits! xx

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 04/08/2010 08:50

Spandex? For a wedding? Is that going to be your bridezilla thing?

I guess there'll be plenty of freedom of movement for the Thriller dance!

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