Advice/Reassurance about dropping the last bf of the day.

[bebemoohatessnot]

So we're down to just one feed with my 14m dd. The last feed is the one just before bed and I'm ready for it to be eased out of existence as because of it Dh and I have not been able to enjoy a night out/away without dd. My trouble is how do I drop this feed without undue stress to everyone?
Dd does not like cows milk (though will take it during the day with a splash of strawberry smoothie in it)nor does she like formula/ follow on milk. And she's not had any bottles since her first week (though she takes sippy cups). So what do I offer her as a replacement (if anything) for the dropped feed? Dh suggested trying cow's milk with sugar in it (which is the only thing I've not tried -I think- when it comes to coercing her into taking cow's milk), but I'm reluctant to offer her any more sugar as we already have a problem with addiction smoothie/juices (though I can now cut these in half with water and not have them spit back out).
Also, I'm feeling guilty abt wanting to encourage this last feed to be gone as it's really just a comfort feed for her and so I feel like I'm a very bad mommy for wanting to take away the comfort and happiness she's feeling so that I can hopefully get a little more of a life back. Should I let it stay until she's ready for it to be dropped? Letting it disappear naturally as she progresses/ develops?? Part of me says I should, but the other bit doesn't want to wait that long...
What oh what should I do?

You know what you want to do - you've done brilliantly breastfeeding for 14 months - there's nothing wrong with wanting a bit of your life back.

If she'll take cow's milk with a splash of smoothie, I wonder if she'll get used to it if you keep on offering it? Not at night at the moment, perhaps at a less stressful time like halfway through the day? Once it's normal, perhaps you could have a go at making it the evening feed.

In the mean time - is her last bf the very last part of her day? Could you make it a little earlier - pre-stories for example?

Move the feed forward to pre-stories/bedtime, then phase it out - offer a milk feed (really warm, with some fruit or banana blended in with it to sweeten it rather than sugar) in sippy cup - then brush teeth then go do stories in their bedroom. She'll be fine - as will you.

She usually dozes off during the feed or at least gets all languid making it ease to slip her into her bed and tip toe out... Books rather excite her most time (it's like she wants to discuss them after/during reading them) so I tend to read before the feed and even the pjs.
That being said we did have a nap the other day where she fell asleep reading her books while I was reading my own book next to her. So perhaps I could re-create that somehow or take more time with the reading and she'd relax more. I'll give that a try perhaps. But does this still leave me doing the last 'job' of the night with her all the time? How do you encourage them not to depend on you to relax and fall asleep? -maybe I should put that question in the sleep section?

Once you've successfully dropped the feed, get your DP to put her to bed (she'll be into the new routine and hopefully know what happens next) - or a trusted friend/grandparent she knows.

It will be hard if you normally feed her to sleep but she'll adapt and get used to the new routine in time.

Right.
Should I try to stop the bf cold turkey then? or offer the milky cup first and then offer the breast? Then do the rest of the night routine.
Or really I should first move the bf early. Then after that's established move into dropping the feed shouldn't I?

You know your daughter best and how she reacts to change and what might work best for you and her.

If it were me, I'd move the bf forwards - and do it somewhere else from where you normally do (so you can give her the drink there in the future) - then go do the rest of the new bedtime routine.

I'd offer water, much better for teeth than any alternative other than breast milk (which is apparently OK).

As dinkystinky suggests you could try giving her the last feed at another time, e.g. prior to a bath, so that someone else can settle her in her room and offer the beaker of water. Books / singing might take her mind off the change.

I dropped my last DS's feeds at about 20mths, and had to do it cold turkey style, but at 14mths perhaps your little one will be more easily distracted. I know what you mean about the difficulties of getting out in the evening if you're delivering the last feed still - I spent the most part of two years having to stay in to get my DS settled, although on the odd occasion grandparents managed to get him to bed after about 20 or 30 stories... so it is possible to continue and still get out if you want to.

I'd do the latter bebe...

I dropped feeds gradually at this age by just not offering them anymore. I dropped the evening feed first bacause I found it very tying to have to be home every day by 6pm.

The way we did it was basically changing the bedtime routine (we introduced a lullaby tape, have you tried one? Nice non-boob sleep cue) and removing me from the equation entirely. DH took over bedtime for a bit and I was either invisible or out (at work) at that time.

DD adjusted to the new way if doing things immediately, there was basically no issue at all, to my surprise and relief.

I think sometimes cold turkey can be easier than gradual tiny changes - like saying goodnight and leaving the room rather than trying to sneak out without them noticing. IME toddlers respond better to clear changes than ones they aren't meant to notice.

Unfortunately I'm the only one to do the night time routine most nights as Dh is away M-F with work. And there is no family close enough to help. So I cannot take myself out of the picture easily.
The night time music/tape is a possibility as another cue.