LemonTea - yes, at times it makes me feel bad. However, I know that dd was weaned on a full range of foods, including all fruit and vegetables. She used to have a very adventurous pallete (sp). We are in the same situation with vegetables too, so I spend a lot of time working out how to hide vegetables in things.
So far, her diet is relatively balanced and I make sure that I don't replace real fruit and veg with any junk. I've spoken at length to her HV who has advised the following:
Keep offering them to her
Make sure there are fruit/veg on her plate the same as everyone else
Have general conversations about food, including fruit and veg
Include her in cooking
Take her fruit/veg picking
Grow fruit/veg in pots
Don't make a big deal about it.
Let her play with/touch/lick fruit and veg
Re. toddler group - that's a difficult one, isn't it. Could you agree with them that if she picks it up in any way, or plays with it, or licks it etc. then she could have pudding. In the nursery where I worked, the pudding was part of the whole meal in terms of balance. Therefore, it was important that the children had pudding, whether or not they had eaten all of their main course. The puddings were all fruit or milk based.
There is no way we can make our children eat anything they don't want to, without putting them under unnecessary pressure and stress.
I think that the light-touch, is always going to win through in the end. I keep telling myself that there are very few adults who don't enjoy at least some fruit and veg, so she has to grow out of it one day!