Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Flip

Original poster

If main meal is refused do you offer desert?

22 replies

OlaMamas · 07/04/2009 17:17

Just wondered what people had found to work. 19month old refuses most foods with the exception of bolognaise and lasagna! Trying to broaden horizons but he refuses to try most meals. Which in itself is a waste and annoying but then leaves me wondering whether I should offer desert as he knows if he doesn't eat his main there is something he prefers coming? But then will he wake more than he normally does in the night due to hunger? Any quick advice?

OP posts:

BlueBumedFly · 07/04/2009 22:59

No, I don't as dd is a rubbish eater. If the main meal is rufused I make a slice of toast and cut up an apple. I don't give dessert at all generally as dd not interested. She is 23 months and has never eaten well and it rarely affects her sleeping pattern. No child ever starved themselves willingly, if I get one whole meal down dd a day I count it as a success.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 07/04/2009 23:02

No. What's the point in eating something when they know they can get something sweet and yumy either way? Take the stress out of it and keep some bolognese/lasagne in the freezer. It's not worth worrying about.

TweetleBeetle · 07/04/2009 23:26

TheNatty · 07/04/2009 23:30

i have a friend who always did

now her DD wont eat anything savory.

try weetabix and such like in the evenings before bed to help with sleep, porrige always worked well for my kids, and they dont see it as a "pudding" and i would leave a few hours between dinner and before bed cereal.

HTH

Dilettante · 07/04/2009 23:32

I do (DS 23 months) but I only give fruit and yogurt for dessert, or nuts, raisins, cheese cubes. Sometimes he'll go on to eat a few cheese cubes and some apple slices, sometimes not.

Original poster

OlaMamas · 08/04/2009 12:36

Thanks for that will persevere. I have to say I didn't give anything last night and he slept no better or worse than normal!

OP posts:

seeker · 08/04/2009 12:43

At this age (IMHO) they should only be having a pudding as a treat anyway - unless you're talking about yoghurt and fruit. In which case I would give it to him.

Don't think pudding should be a 'reward" for eating a main course - not a good food message.

meep · 08/04/2009 12:44

I did - anything for an easy life.

But I have been in hospital hving dd2 so my dh has been doing the meals. He has undone all my bad habits and dd1 (20mo) has regularly gone to bed with no pudding if she doesn't finish her savoury - and he tells me that she seems to understand and looks very solemn about it! She hasn't been waking at night either!

Now that I am back in control I wil have to try harder not to be such a soft touch!

NorktasticNinja · 08/04/2009 12:49

We don't really have desert very often but if we are having it do DD is offered it too regardless. That said depending on the circumstances I DP and might just skip desert.

I don't offer other options if she refuses the main course though, dinner is dinner and if she doesn't eat it she doesn't eat it.

Niecie · 08/04/2009 13:05

I did.

I don't see the point of taking away a main meal and then not offering fruit and yoghurt which are both perfectly healthy things to eat. I wouldn't give cake or ice cream or treats but why differentiate between food on the basis of whether it is sweet or not?

Mind you it didn't happen that often and I didn't give extra to compensate for lack of main course so it wouldn't have been enough to keep my DSs happy on a daily basis.

sarah293 · 08/04/2009 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

OlaMamas · 08/04/2009 13:12

My desserts tend to only ever be yoghurt, fomage frais, fruit pots, fruit or raisins. But the problem is my DS2 would eat all of the above all day if allowed and although they are healthy they are sweet and he favours them to most savoury. I only ever give the occasional biscuit or ice cream treat and I would never dream of giving them if he had refused his main meal. I'm just worried by offering the above if he has refused to even try a savoury meal I am giving him the message.... there is something you prefer coming along so there is no need to even try something new?

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 08/04/2009 13:17

I have issues with this too. On the one hand, I don't want ds to know there's always going to be something better coming regardless of if he eats or not, but at the same time, I don't want to 'punish' him for not eating his dinner by not giving dessert because a part of me thinks maybe that's showing him that one food is better than the other if that makes sense?
I normally give a piece of fruit with/after each meal anyway but ds1 snacks too If he hasn't eaten a meal, I don't allow him to snack (that's on things like raisens, fruitstix, rusks and the occasional chocolate)

mrsgboring · 08/04/2009 13:24

Pudding is only ever fruit or yoghurt or (special treat) Weetabix.

We don't require DS to finish food but sometimes will ask him to eat 3 or 4 more spoonfuls before pudding if he's really not made an effort with it. If he doesn't, no pudding. If he genuinely doesn't like a new food he does occasionally get cheese instead and then pudding after if he eats the cheese.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 08/04/2009 13:26

Indeed I do, I even offer them a choice - Gobi or Kalahari.

gemmiegoatEGGS · 08/04/2009 13:30

I never do.
I understand what everyone is saying about the value of fruit and yog. But they are both high in sugar, and I would rather my dcs ate their pasta/vegetables/whatever. Sweets happen occasionally but not in association with meals so hopefully I'm not setting up a burning desire for the forbidden!
My dcs are now 5 and 3, and even my youngest understands that not havinga really good go at her main meal means she won't have dessert.

At first she ha6ted watching ds, who is a good eater, have his fruit/yogurt/rice pudding but now shhe accepts that she won't be having it and gets down from the table. I'm sure your ds will get the hang of it and broaden his hhorizons a bit mnore eventually. And as other posters have said, it will do no harm to offer a piece of toast or a weetabix before bed.

LaaDeDa · 08/04/2009 13:52

If it's been refused on sight then no.
If it's been refused after making a load of pained faces then eating the teeniest bit then no.
If a 'good try' has been had then yes.
Basically, in this house, if you're not hungry enough to want the main meal then you're not hungry enough to need pudding.
Pudding is generally a yogurt btw.
Dd is nearly 4 now and i've been doing this since she was young and ds is 14 months and is gradually being treated the same way - although he is a brilliant eater so i know if he refuses the main meal it really is something he doesn't like and he may be allowed the pudding. Trouble with dd is she will refuse food she actually likes/tolerates and although i have no wish to force her to eat anything she genuinely dislikes, if i'm not strict with the rules she will just tell me she doesn't like most things because she'd rather move onto pudding.
If i hadn't have insisted she tried loads of things her diet would be very restricted by now and i am not prepared to serve up her 2 favourites on rotation as it will restrict the rest of the family too.
Basically i stick to
no 'good try' no pudding and
no alternatives (and this goes for the pudding as well, as i felt it was a mixed message to not allow a substitute main meal but then let her refuse apple crumble in favour of a yogurt or something).
Meal times can still make me want to tear my hair out though and i'm so glad my ds is not fussy (at this stage lol) as i really thought it was something i had done wrong to make dd so fussy. Come to the conclusion she just worked out early on that mealtimes can mean a way for her to exercise control and gets a big reaction from me so now just react very little and just reiterate 'you need to have a good try blah blah blah' and most times she does.

ruddynorah · 08/04/2009 13:57

yes i do. don't want her to see sweet things as a reward, or savoury things as a negative. if she hasn't eaten much savoury i'll give her pud (yoghurt/jelly/custard/fruit) alongside and she'll tend to eat them both together.

numptysmummy · 08/04/2009 14:00

My lo's always find the Gobi i little too dry

nicnic01 · 18/04/2009 21:55

my dd is a lot younger (6.5 months) but even at this young age she already has a sweet tooth. Very fussy about savoury and mad about anything sweet. My HV advised me that if main meal is refused, still give pudding but only fruit/yoghurt and only single portion. As ruddynorah says, fruit/yoghurt shouldnt be a reward, its part of their meal. So dont over compensate for lack of main meal by giving extra fruit. If she is still hungry after I offer the savoury again so she realises she has a limit on the sweet stuff. She has started eating more savoury stuff (not as much as I would like) but its a start! Good luck.

Bumperlicioso · 18/04/2009 22:16

We have the same problem and the same dilemma. DD (22mo) is a fussy beggar and a bit of a grazer so often doesn't eat her main meal. I always said that we wouldn't refuse pudding as we didn't want it to be a reward, plus like you I don't want her waking in the night.

It's difficult to stick to especially since she has started pushing her plate away after one bite and saying 'Baby goghurt?' (i.e. I want a yoghurt), but dessert is only ever fruit or yoghurt here.

They are still so young, it won't hurt to wait until they are a bit more reasonable before creating stricter rules IMO.

MiniMarmite · 19/04/2009 23:22

I do (DS is 7.5 months). He generally eats well and is still trying lots of new things. He generally only refuses if he is overtired, the texture is too challenging or the taste is new. I only ever offer plain yoghurt with fruit as a dessert so I'm quite happy for him to fill up on that at the moment.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread