BLW - what happens past 1 year when they turn into toddlers?

[MrsJamin]

(I'm a BLW enthusiast, have found it such fun and now DS eats everything by the way!) I liked the BLW book a lot but got annoyed by the last chapter - basically it seemed that there was never an end to the 'play and explore' basis of BLW, that anything goes and that never ends. I think this is ridiculous, surely - at some point throwing your food on the floor becomes naughty? DS is quickly developing a toddler's temperament and I know it's important at this point to set boundaries for him. I can't see how this shouldn't include what is normal behaviour at the dinner table as well? What do other BLWers think - when have you started imposing 'rules' on mealtime behaviour?

Glad BLW has been working for you. Despite the naysayers on here, the whole point of BLW is that it is supposed to be a lot less hassle for you and the baby. If you take out all the stress of shoving spoons at babies then they become more relaxed about food in general. The get a bit of control and everyone relaxes. but you get all that?

Seriously though, you are not going to get good table manners from any one year old regardless of weaning method. I would question whether they can even be "naughty" at that age. if you start to impose strict rules at this stage then it is likely to create more stress and tension around mealtimes which is exactly what you were trying to avoid.

I don't blame you for being narked about the food. I hate cleaning the floor after meals but DD (16 mos) starts food throwing when she has had enough. I give her tiny portions and then more if she wants it. Once she starts throwing food I take it away and take her out of the highchair, or, if the rest of us are still eating, she gets a toy to amuse her.

Yes I 100% get all that first paragraph- as I say I've found it brilliant and DS has a fab appetite and range of foods he will eat. This is the only thing I have a bit of a problem about with the BLW book/method - I mean, you can't let a 5 year old throw food and you explain it in a lentil-weavery fashion as "oh she's just exploring the food with all her senses"! So at some point you need to set guidelines over what is acceptable eating in our British culture.

I guess I'd just like something to say "let them do what they like until 2 and then you probably need to start laying down some rules" or "once you know they are throwing food on the floor just to be naughty, then do X". The fact that Gill Ripley said there are never such rules, and that anything goes forever I think is ridiculous. I guess with my nearly 13MO, I am talking about the shoving all his food onto the floor bit - surely that deserves a 'no don't do that please', said plainly, in the very least? Do you think your DD is being naughty or is she just bored and had enough? It's so hard to tell!

Hmmm, not sure our British attitudes to food are so terrific between our addiction to takeaways, expanding waistlines, scarcity of meals eaten as a family and the abysmal standard of food served in a lot of restaurants (but then I live in the grim north and am a grim northerner ).

Of course I tell DD not to throw her food and I sometimes shout at her (like today as I am a premenstrual cow) but my general approach is a bit more hands off. I don't see it as lentil weavery not to expect a 1 year old (or even a 3 year old) to have good table manners, I see it as not being too control freaky tbh. If she throws food, I take it off her. If she is actually hungry she eats, if she's not, why leave the food there. I have an older child and I know they get the message (older child was mush fed and their "table manners" have developed at pretty much the same rate).

I honestly think there's no magic age at which you can start to enforce your rules. I'd be right there with you saying "no, don't do that" and I wouldn't be adding a "please" but I'd also accept that at 13 mos I am going to say it a lot, along with "don't touch the DVD player", don't pull the cat's tail etc ad infinitum and ad nauseum . It really does take a long time for this stuff to sink in. I remember being appalled that my brother "let" his kids eat with their hands at age 5 . But he always laid out a knife and fork, sat with them, ate with them. Guess what, they are 10 and 15 now, have great table manners, eat pretty much anything you put in front of them and offer to help clear the dishes after the meal - but then they grew up in Spain where attitudes to food are still a bit more chilled.

I have to confess I haven't read the book so can't comment. Someone showed the DVD at a coffee group I go to. One of the things I liked about blw is that it doesn't have to cost anything. No jars to buy (most of which get wasted anyway), no special mini blender, weaning spoons etc

It seems as if this is part of a bigger issue and one which all parents grapple with. Obviously you have to make conscious decisions about your approach to discipline in general and behaviour at mealtimes is one aspect of that. You have to go with what feels right to you. BLW is only a way of weaning your baby, not a whole parenting philosophy.

My upbringing was very authoritarian though my parents were very loving. As an adult I have found that their rather controlling style of parenting has left me lacking in confidence. So I have decided to do things another way - but that's my choice for my family.

GL

ok, my memory is abit hazy on this but i will give it a go, dd is 2.8 now and never throws food on the floor or anything like that, and is very quick to reprimand ds (9mths) if he does! I'm ot sure exact;ly when we started to impose table manners as it was very gradual, i think that as she started to drop stuff less we progressed from a high chair tray to plates and i did tell her off for throwing plates (i have vague memories of pushing chair away from the table if she did that) and it was not really a problem and i think as they start to use utlery they wave the food about less, dd now eats confidently with a spoon and fork and has a good attemp at using a knife i think that the time you start introducing these ideas is between one and two, dependant on your child. Now we are introducing manners like placing a napkin on your lap when eating out (she wears an apron at home) and asking to be excused/waiting for everyone to finish befor leaving the table

This is really interesting as DS is 10 months and I was just beginning to think about this.
As a hijack, when should i try giving him cutlery?

add a spoon now but dont expect much to come of it for a bit, once he has mastered a spoon give a fork or fork and spoon the lastly a knife

I took throwing on the floor to mean that ds didn't want it, so would remove it as soon he started chucking it away.

At some point (can't remember exactly how old - maybe 16 months?) he learned the sign for finished so did that instead. There was no fun for him in throwing the food on the floor because there was no reaction from me about it and it was never really a problem.

what was the sign for finished? mawbroon

Put your hands flat together and pointing outwards, thumbs uppermost. Then sweep them away from each other so that they are both flat to the ground.

I signed it to DS as soon as he started throwing, and pretty much as soon as he could do it he stopped throwing.

At 2.8 he eats neatly with a fork/knife/spoon/chopsticks, and has pretty good table manners