Old Fashioned Feeding by Spoon v Self Feeding /BLW

[extremelychocolateymilkroll]

Does anybody else think that it's not the end of the world to sometimes continue to feed your baby by spoon even though she can self feed? I got into the whole "You've got to get her to feed herself or the world will end" and got to thinking that our parents didn't bring us up like that and we managed to feed ourselves. A friend of mine whose daughter is 4 was encouraged to self feed by her nanny and when she is in a temper now she will take her food in her hand and throw it down whereas her son who did not self feed but was spoon fed never exhibited this behaviour. Has anyone else experienced this?

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I agree with Pruners... I would try a combination of the 2, but wouldn't insist on self-feeding (or spoon-feeding) until one or the other develop naturally. I do get a bit tired (even though I'm very new to all these weaning discussions) on the there's-only-one-way-about-it kind of approach that seems to be quite popular nowadays (I'm sorry, but it seems it's more so with BLW, people who don't follow BLW seem to me- at least on this thread, & I may be wrong- a bit more open to combining things).

See, I have never seen anyone on here insist that infant self-feeding is the only way to do things. Now, I did it, dd loved it, we were all happy, and if someone asks I'll say so, but where are these purist evangelists?

It seems to me to be a bit more myth than reality that there's a camp of militant BLWers insisting that their way is the only way. Of course it's not, it's patently not, but if it suits you and your child, then it's pleasant way to wean which many people may not have considered. What's do objectionable about that?

Yes, people do say that combining finger food and pureeing isn't exactly BLW, because the principles behind that rely on the child solely self-feeding. That's simply stating the principles behind an approach, and not by any means saying that's the only thing to do - I think, however, that stating this does, for some reason, rattle people, and that's what i don't understand.

Nothing objectionable about learning about BLW at all Habbibu Although I do strongly object to the title 'blw', as if by definition those who do BLW are led by their child's needs, while those who don't force-feed their child or whatever. I'm not saying everyone who does BLW believes this, but i have come across such views, very clearly expressed. Definitely there are some interesting/useful ideas to BLW. But I was told just a couple of days ago, on the weaning threads, that combining some self-feeding & purees has NOTHING to do with BLW, and there was a comparison to veganism & eating meat . Very clear 'either one or the other' point of view in my opinion, and yes I do object to creating an ideology out of a (very new) feeding method & being so puritanical about it that you end up comparing it to veganism. Also, I seem to recall quite a few threads where 'shoving spoons into babies' mouths'was mentioned- again, I object to such descriptions, I know many parents who puree-feed & DON'T shove spoons into their babies'mouths, nor do they force feed them in any sense of the term... The impression I get- and I may be very wrong- is that spoons are sometimes discussed as if they need to be avoided at all costs. That's what I object to, that kind of puritanism, as if spoons are our new enemy (!!)... and not the general ideas (some of which I find useful) around BLW (if we insist to call it that).

I never spoon fed my baby because I am too lazy!

I did spoon feed lots of family babies as a child and teenager, so I think I had enough of that to last me a life time.
Luckily ds was an enthusiastic self-feeder from the start (well, he was exclusively breastfed until 7 months old so he was ready, too).

However, if people want to spoonfeed their children, I certainly don't have a problem with it.

BLW is not really new tho, just it wasn't called that before. Plenty of NSC (neglected subsequent children) didn't get the puree treastment and were just lobbed a bit of what the family was having and left to get on with it...

Rhinestone: true, that's probably the case. As I said, I have more of a problem with the 'I'm doing the fashionable / correct thing of the moment & thus am a better parent than you lot'mentality... and much less of a problem with the actual ideas behind BLW, many of which (but not all) seem to make perfect sense to me.

I'm doing BLW and so far I'm loving it. I have no problem at all with people giving their babies pureed food, and I wouldn't dream of looking down my nose at mothers who feed their babies pureed food. It's what I'd be doing now if lo hadn't turned her nose up.

I think mothers have enough to worry about with making difficult decisions about how to care for their babies without other women looking down their noses at them in a "I'm doing things better than you, so I'm a better mother" type way. Surely mums get it hard enough fgs?? Surely we should all support each other??

Ahem, sorry, getting a bit carried away there... Anyway, I knew nothing about babies before my lo came along, so had no idea about weaning. We did purees for a month until my dd started turning up her nose and I realised food was a chore for us, and that she wasn't learning anything about it. Then she started to refuse to be spoonfed altogether, so I started to read up on BLW and we gave it a go. It's slow, messy, she's not eating large quantities, but we're both really enjoying it. I can see now how right it is for us and how she is capable of so much more than puree - she ate a whole pear today, skin and all! I never would have even dreamed of giving her a whole pear if I hadn't read up on BLW. And I've found people on BLW sites to be really open, friendly and easy-going, not pompous or evangelical at all!! And it's hard not be be really enthusiastic about something you feel is really fantastic and you do really want to tell other people about it. I'm not fond of ideologies either, or buying into "approaches", but my lo hates being spoonfed and she's not bad with the spoon herself after only a week (I use three loaded spoons and had them to her, one after the other), so ideology or not - it feels right for us!!

Sorry, I mean I hand the spoons to her.

so who is it has this mentality, Maria? is it people in RL?

Hi rhinestone, pispirispis & Aitch. Thanks for all you've written, it's useful and it's not at all what I'm referring to when I talk about people who think they're better parents because of particular (perhaps fashionable) choices they make. I've seen such people- or actually, certain tendencies in some people- in real life, & also here on Mumsnet. Often, slightly early weaning and/or spoon feeding is surprisingly (well, surprisingly to me) discussed in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I've given some examples above. But as I said, definitely not on this thread, so thanks for the info you've given me about the choices you've made.

there's another thread on here maria,started by believer, that might be a good read too. and i agree with you, BLW is the Wrong Name. baby self-feeding has always seemed to me to be a better term, but unfortunately we're rather stuck with it.

maria you sure do have your knickers in a twist about this.

the name 'baby led weaning' is from gill rapley who did her MA about infant weaning and basically did an experiment which she called baby led weaning. some of us liked her thinking and followed her suggestion.

that's it.

if you've read her stuff you'll see why it would make no sense to talk about combining baby led weaning with purees.

same as it would make no sense to talk of a vegan diet combined with meat.

why are you so stressed out about this maria? just do what you want to do.

"A friend of mine whose daughter is 4 was encouraged to self feed by her nanny" ... I'd very much hope your friend would be encouraged to self-feed...

I think throwing food down is a personality thing; I've seen plenty of originally-spoon-fed children doing it (including mine although not at 4 ).

You can find threads where some posters suggest that weaning onto purees is akin to force-feeding your baby. But then you can find threads where some posters suggest that "BLW" is the preserve of smug middle-class mothers who are virtually starving their children and putting them at danger of choking. You can find threads where some posters suggest that giving formula at all marks you out as a fundamentally selfish person, and threads where some posters suggest that formula is just as good as breastmilk and all this fuss about encouraging breastfeeding is misguided. You can find threads where some posters suggest that home education is misguided and all children ought to be in school. You can find threads where some posters suggest that schools are without exception bad places to send children.

But most people, and most threads, are somewhere in the middle. I think the same holds true of BLW.

ruddynorah: thanks for the info. And can I ask, why do you think I'm stressed about it ? Asking questions, challening and / or critiquing something does not equal being stressed about it.

from your style of writing really. caps lock atc make for an angry sounding post.