Stopping nighttime breastfeeding for a 27-month-old when mum is in pain

[ralsta]

Help me and my poor nipples please!!

my daughter (27m) was EBF from birth and I have posted in here SO many times looking for help 😩

she has done amazing with the daytime weaning, she has no milk in the day and now doesn’t even ask for it. It’s just the nighttime

shes started staying at her dads for 2 nights a week now and she sleeps through the night for him, settles without a dummy/rocking/patting etc and sleeps solidly

she then comes home and doesn’t ask for milk until bedtime, but my issue is having these days away from her obviously my supply is pretty minimal now and I’m finding her latched on the majority of the night. The other night she was awake for 3 hours asking for milk on and off the boob but lo and behold there was nothing there!! When I say my nipples are sore they are red raw, cracked, scabbing so feeding her is really painful 😣

i read her booby moon a lot and in the day she does say that milky has gone to the moon! But then nighttime comes and she screams until she’s nearly sick, just for milk. If I even mention a drink of water she’s kicking and hitting!

is there anything I haven’t tried?! I’m more solid in my decision this time cos honestly I am in pain

I BF mine but that does sound horrendous!

Can you give us an idea of what she eats and drinks in the day and what methods you’ve tried for night weaning so far?

Can she stay with dad for a few more nights in a row to try and break the habit.

Where does she sleep with you?

@TinyMouseTheatre she eats and drinks really well to be honest. Today for example she had toast for breakfast, then a banana and 2 little
yoghurts, then lunch she had some like pop chips, a little sausage roll and an orange. Then she did have another sausage roll a little while after then tea was pasta in sauce, cucumber and peppers. Then she has another banana haha tonight I did let her and her brother have a smoothie each before bed (a very gentle one mainly with veggies not sugary fruits)

do you think it would break the habit if she went and stayed with him? @sittingonabeach i thought maybe she’d be getting a bit better but she seems to want to be glued to me when she gets back which is fine cos I miss them both so much but I just can’t give her the amount she wants and I am sore 😣

I don’t think it would help to send her to dad’s for longer. I’d have thought it would make her even more likely to want to reconnect with you via breastfeeding. Trying to think of something helpful to add

For the smoothies, would she drink full fat milk mixed with banana and berries? I’ve just hit a cheap hand blender and the DC still make these for themselves now they’re older.

It’s good that she’s eating well but there doesn’t seem to be a huge amount of protein. Can you try adding some more in? So if she’s having toast for breakfast, can she have scrambled egg with it or mashed avocado or smooth nut butter?

Will she drink full fat cow’s milk during the day? If not I’d try some milky dishes. Ready Brek with chopped bananas or berries, lasagne, pancakes, yoghurt tubes or fish pie.

There is a good guide to feeding one to four year olds here. I found the teen guide useful for tweaking my DS’ diet

What night weaning methods have you tried so far?

This is likely nothing to do with what she’s eating and drinking in the day and everything to do with emotional connection through BFing. Mine have all been similar too around this age. My strategy is to first day wean like you have, and then to keep the bedtime feed but remove nighttime feeds. She will definitely kick off but just keep gently reminding her that milk has gone to bed now etc. Keeping the bedtime feed while nightweaning I think removes that element of distress because they are still having a daily feed. But they stop waking up for it in the night. It will be about a week of horrendous nights but once you’re over those it will be ok. Keep the bedtime feed for a long as you and she both like.

If your nipples are as you describe- nipples are sore they are red raw, cracked, scabbing so feeding her is really painful - then you might need to see a doctor in case they need to be treated

la leche league might help with the weaning and or your poor nipples if you don’t want to see GP

hope you find a solution sounds really painful

are you Co sleeping - could you pause that for a bit maybe?

Emma Pickett on Instagram has some really good info about weaning toddlers.

I weaned by 2.5 year old just a few weeks ago.

I spent weeks telling him that we are going to stop soon. Also read Booby Moon. DH dealt with him overnight for a week, which I appreciate isn’t an option, but when I started to do overnight again, I slept with a sports bra so that he couldn’t get access no matter hard he tried in his semi sleep state.

Does she not drink milk in a cup too? I wouldn’t have offered water instead of bf but milk.
I weaned around similar age but as a pp said first night weaned. For this he was a bit younger I think and I had to rock him to sleep. Within a week he stopped waking in the night.
for total weaning (morning and bed) I did one at a time and gave him a cup of warm milk first. Sometimes he fell asleep drinking that and sometimes he was happy not to have a bf afterwards. Again over a course of a week or so I just told him he didn’t need the milk and he didn’t ask. Does sound like your daughter is going to be trickier but I was surprised how easy it was. I’d definitely try offering something she really likes to drink before a bf and see if she’ll then more happily skip the bf.

I know, but getting as much nutrition as you can in the day should help and the OP will have the reassurance that her DD is well fed.

I’d also give one of the BFing Helplines a call to see if they have any advice on caring for your poor nipples.

And I don’t know if this article from Kellymom will help?

How did you get on last night @ralsta?

I had similar (although he was at home all the time). He wasn’t hungry at night, he was just in the habit of feeding. I finally night weaned at just over 3. Everyone had told me he would self wean but there was no sign of it so I got tough. Complete cold Turkey. Would soothe and calm him but no milk. I also got cross, would grab, hit and thrash but it only lasted a few nights. The key was not to give in and keep repeating the milk is gone. It was horrible but short lived, thankfully. Good luck OP, it’s not easy but was definitely worth it.

The next time she is away, when she comes back put plasters on your nipples and tell her they hurt and stopped working. Give her as much cuddles as she wants. You might have to go through the screaming and kicking for a couple of nights but you can’t carry on like this.

Be very matter of fact OP and go cold turkey. Find other age appropriate ways that you can enjoy closeness and connection - stories, cuddles, playing.

Thanks everyone. I was feeding her last night and it hurt so much I just thought no I really need to put an end to this now. So as of Monday, that’s it. No more! She stays her dads on a Monday night so when she comes back to me I’m going to really stand my ground. I’ve been talking about it the last couple of days saying milk is going to go, and I’ll up the ante with it over the weekend. Last night was better, she was uncomfortable I think as she was a bit constipated but yesterday she did go to the loo so slept loads better. But still, it’s got to end!

Try offering milk in a straw cup. I always recommend oat milk as it’s sweeter. It’s not a long term solution because of dental hygiene but it eased the transition with mine.

@User1367349 thanks, I’ve tried this before but not for a while. My issue is even when I mention anything other than boob, she goes stiff as a board and launches herself back screaming her head off and then I can’t calm her down. Even gettin her to have a drink other than from me, is a struggle in itself

That sounds so hard. Do you have anyone around to help a bit? Your mum or a friend?

Both my DS were the same - breastmilk or nothing. They both weaned around 2.5 and it was weeks of talking about it before we went cold turkey.

To be honest it did take several times. If they got too distressed I would give in (I wanted to stop at 2 so stopping at 2.5 says it all) but the final time that I tried and they accepted, there were a short tears just one night each and then we were done. So there is an element of them being mentally ready for what’s going to happen.

@User1367349 its really tough. We have young neighbours also and my son’s only 5 so it’s hard as I don’t want her also waking him up! But also, she gets very upset if he goes anywhere without her so I can’t even send him away! I’m thinking of possibly just powering through in the 6 week holidays. I might even get my son some ear plugs 😂 I do have support from family but ultimately I think it’s just very much got to be something I do with her! I’m going to keep talking and talking and talking about it and then set a date into the 6 weeks and go for it then!

I think you have to just say no now, milk is finished. And really mean it, don't teach her that she just needs to cry for long enough to get it.

I'd try to create a new habit or something to connect with her when she's been away though - whether that is snuggling with a special blanket or watching a movie together.

my son was completely day time weaned at around 2 except for nap times and sleep times (also had it when he woke up from nap or sleep.)

at nearly 3 years old (around 2 weeks ago) we got a big shiny balloon, some sparklers and sent the Milkies to the moon. We have also read booby moon a lot. I don’t think you should have let her say it’s gone to the moon in the day time, you should have saved that for when you actually wean and reminded her that it’s not gone to the moon yet because she still has it at sleep time but you will be sending it soon cause she’s a big girl.

my son is 3 in a couple of weeks so a lot older and can understand more. He still sobbed and wanted me to ‘ask the moon to send it back’ ‘I need my Milkies for sleep, let’s go to the moon’. I sobbed with him, wondered if I’d made a huge mistake, but I held firm. Each day it got easier and after around 3-5 days he kind of stopped asking. Every now and again, he brings it up and I re explain but he doesn’t get upset, I just say would you like a rocky or a cuddle or a book to quickly change the subject after reminding him it’s gone to the moon.

i also had plasters over them for around 2 weeks 😂 as he nursed through the night and I wouldn’t even know. He did so well and I was so scared of weaning, I only managed to push myself to do it because I am pregnant and wanted him to forget about it months before the arrival of baby brother!

Sorry I forgot a very important detail, as soon as the milk went to the moon, we came back into the house and there was an array of chocolate for him on the kitchen table from the moon.

everyday when he woke up and would inevitably be about to scream for milk, I gave him one square of chocolate and a cup of ‘moo cow milk’. I thought I would have to wean off the chocolate but on day 5 or 6 I just woke him up with milk and toast instead 😂