Letting Baby Wean Themselves? Your Experiences Please

[RushinBushin]

Has anyone here let their baby decide when they're done without actively trying to wean them? I'd like to hear from you.

Baby is nearly 2 and I'm letting them lead feeding but I'm looking for a proper answer to this question from anyone who's done it for real. People keep making throwaway comments such as "Oh, so you'll be having to wean them any day now." or "Eventually you'll need to be firm with them." (Whatever that means.)

In my head, it seems obvious that eventually the baby just stops drinking of their own volition. It's already winding down in the daytime. If I can tell there will be more nipple pinching and faffing than actual drinking I'll sometimes distract. I'm not in any hurry to wean and don't want to force anything but I need to know if it's realistic to expect that I don't have any sort of heavy hand in causing weaning to happen.

Thanks in advance.

I breastfed both mine until 12 months. I guess with both it had reduced gradually from 8 month ( ish) onwards. Neither of them ever had a bottle.
Older child got a cold at 12 months at didnt want to feed fo a few days and it just kind of stopped then.
Younger child started biting me lots when feeding from around 11 months old. Just didnt want to breastfeed anymore ( baby that is, not me) .
I was actually a bit sad as i knew 2nd child was my last and i would have liked to breastfeed for a bit longer.
So i guess they both kind of self weaned but they were younger than yours and probably less aware?

Of course you don’t have to wean yet and can feed till your child is 3 or whenever you like. However, not all toddlers will self wean and many will protest a lot at weaning. My child reduced their feeding around age 2 and I similarly thought they would eventually stop altogether. In fact, as they hit the terrible 2s at two and a half their feeding ramped up considerably and it affected their night sleep so I eventually had to wean them quite firmly. I found that the gentle method of dropping one feed at a time didn’t work for my child because they just wanted to feed all the time though, so every child is different. Emma Pickett on instagram is good on this topic.

This is nonsense. Just because your child had an intense feeding phase when you didn't expect it doesn't mean they were never going to self-wean. It just means they didn't wean the way you expected and in the timeframe you expected.

But OP, ignore any unwanted and un-asked-for opinions. Your child will stop breastfeeding of their own accord at some point. If you find you're ready to stop before they are then you can cross that bridge when you come to it but it doesn't sound like an immediate worry for you. Plenty of children still breastfeed at two and beyond! It tends to naturally reduce a fair bit around 2(ish) as children eat more and more food and are busier and distracted so you see it less and it can be frowned upon or at least misunderstood so people don't talk about it much. There can also be periods of more intense need if they're sad/poorly/anxious etc. Its all normal.

Just carry on until on of you wants to stop!

I planned on self weaning and it happened for daytimes but he would not stop the bedtime feed and he was also waking in the night to be fed so eventually I did have to have a firm approach when he was just over 3. It was very much about me not wanting to do it anymore than about what he wanted though. I think it took 2 nights and was really very painless but I felt horrifically guilty!

My DS gradually stopped feeding between 2-3 and we’re pretty much stopped at three and a bit. He was boob obsessed and very sensitive and I didn’t mind feeding at all! So i found that gradually he just asked less and less - this wasn’t linear though and we’d have weeks were he wanted more milk from me and times where he wasn’t fussed. I loosely did the don’t offer don’t refuse although I did put some boundaries in place more for me as I didn’t find feeding out and about easy once he turned two and I always wanted to make sure he had water and food as first options. Good luck with whatever you choose, any feeding journey is special whatever path you take

Thank you all so much for your personal experiences. The point about it not being linear is a good one to keep in mind. As far as I'm concerned, the immunity and comfort kiddo gains from feeding are important for as long as they are wanted, although I agree that at a certain point feeding out and about would probably get awkward. I have the feeling that if I'm feeding and look down to see a tiny grown-up face looking at me I might be unnerved 😅 but until then, let's see how we go.

Toddler started walking and talking and having nice long opinions very early so it's been interesting having the full sentence chatting away during feeds. So far, that hasn't made me uncomfortable as I thought it would. I'll keep you updated. And thanks again ❤️

Well sure she would have eventually but I don’t think she would have self weaned early. I think she’d be on the later end of the range e.g. five or six and I didn’t want that. There’s no need to be so rude!

when I said ‘not all toddlers will self wean’ I meant while they were toddlers. Obviously they won’t be breastfeeding at 10 but some wouldn’t self wean till much later than toddlerhood. It does depend on the child.

We didn’t wean naturally, i weaned both around 2.8 years which was coincidental and not something of planned.

We did have some rules though and one of those was “we do that at home”. So if they wanted feeding out and about, a snack and drink was offered instead.

I read when DC1 was young an article which said be very careful what yoj call BFing becauae you may feed longer than you intended and toddlers can be very loud and very insistent. I distinctly remember pushing DC1 around the supermarket wirh him asking for it repeatedly and me saying no, later and offering alternatives and him belligerently asking for it over and over. Luckily everyone else was blissfully unaware becauae I’d read that lovely article

If you do cut down I really would recommend some gentle night weaning first. I was stupidly enough with DC1 to cut down the day feeds first which just increased the night feeds.