it’s so hard to stop breastfeeding i feel like im torturing my daughter 😭

[justtryingherbest]

she’s 18 months now, im a single mama and she’s a foghorn! her cries could wake the street and she has pure RAGE when i either try to get her to sleep without boob or try to resettle her without it!

I tried to start her off in her own room tonight, i was gentle, she was crying but i was reassuring her the whole time, cuddles etc and explained ‘all gone it’s bedtime now’ but she was having NONE of it. screamed and screamed for nearly 2 hours. to the point it woke my little boy up too. so i caved and gave her milk. (bearing in mind she’d already had it, i was just trying to get her to sleep without feeding to sleep)

she’s since woke 2 times with wind, cos she nearly always takes loads of air in and obviously when she falls asleep she can’t get any wind up!!

both these times i have managed to settle her without milk. so baby steps, right?!

i need some encouragement. i don’t despise breastfeeding but it’s killing me how well she sleeps for other people but not me, cos she just wants to be latched on all night! how can i stop feeling so bloody cruel but also see some positives to how gradual i’m doing it?!

please say she’ll adapt soon to these small changes 😭

No useful advice I'm afraid but I'm in a similar position and it's ok hard. Is it just night when she's having milk or is it when she goes down for naps too?

Awww bless you it is hard isn’t it? It’s so much more than just milk for them as it’s like a security and comfort thing too- but I hear you on the sleep… have you looked at Dr Jay Gordon night weaning?

I think I would try and take it ine step at a time.

So well done for getting her in her own room, but let her get used to that before you start reducing feeds.

Are you wanting to night wean or stop BFing completely?

I found at 18 months ds was waking 5+ times a night for a feed, it was killing me. He just needed reassurance I was close so he slept with me in my bed, had a feed then water through the night. It was difficult, took about a week to get him onto last thing at night then first thing in the morning. Where was your DD sleeping before?

The fact you settled her twice is really positive. You know it can be done. Don't be disheartened though if you have to offer milk, with things like this it often feels like 2 steps forward and 1 step back. While I got ds to sleep through the night, I then had them new problem of getting him out of my bed- but that's a whole different thread!

You have a plan, keep going.

Hi all

sorry for the late reply. so i’m happy to feed her to sleep, she VERY rarely asks for it in the day. she has an older brother (think i mentioned) and she’d rather be following him about than attached to me!

it’s just nightmare is shitty haha she does sleep in with me, but last night i didn’t manage to get over an hour of her starting off in her own room, in her bed. which was great, but as soon as she woke up distressed i picked her up and rocked/cuddle her and took her into my room. she did go back to sleep but then kept stirring for ages until i finally gave in and gave her some milk.

im not loving breastfeeding anymore so yeah i guess i wouldn’t mind stopping completely now shes 18 months. we had a rough start so im proud we even made it this long! with her never asking for it in the daytime too it just seems like a good time! also me and her dad split in jan, so she’ll soon be going for weekends there with him now hes got his own place so i guess it all makes sense! she sleeps fine for him, he puts her down awake, in a cot, strokes her head and she goes to sleep….. honestly it baffles me 😂 she’s the same at nursery and for my mum!

she was solid co sleeping with me, especially when my ex moved out i guess i enjoyed the company, and also needed the sleep being a single parent! i had nobody to fall back on if she woke my son up crying otherwise id have done all this ages ago

also, no not naptime milk as we’re pretty much always out so she’ll snooze in the pram/car! but she never cries for it. she just turns her head to the side and dozes off

18 months?! Torturing yourself more like. Cut it off cold turkey and the forget they ever did it within a few data.

My 12 month old gets bottle dairy milk and knocks out for the night in her own room, so you can deffo do it

Switch to pumping and give her a bottle and cuddles instead of boob.

doing this at the same time as a new bedroom is a lot for a little one to deal with. One big change at a time would be better. I get that your knackd though.

Sorry, came late to this but I'd suggest you try and hang in there a bit longer if you can.
My lo has surprised me by adapting in their own time to the things I was worrying about. Absolutely would not be put down in cot awake by me until 22 mths but was fine at nursery/with dad doing it. After 14 months dropped all daytime feeds so had to do naps on the move at weekends, and gradually dropped bf to nightime only.
I picked a week when we were all healthy/not too exhausted and committed to feeding back to sleep in their room (then re-placing in cot) to break the expectation that they will come into our room. Exhausting but it worked and night-time wakes/feeds ended unless ill/teething etc. Totally get this is different when not single parent though as you dont have the back up.

Suddenly at 22 mths they asked to sleep in cot for naps, and then after some false-starts where woke up as I put in the cot at night accepted being put in there awake and self settled (initially me sitting holding hands, now just in the room for 5 mins then go).

Strongly recommend you do NOT introduce a bottle of any kind at this age. When dad does bedtime there was a straw cup of expressed milk to start with but not really interested in it. Now we leave a cup of water in the bed (magic cup or tumtum bottle) overnight and lo can find it if they're actually thirsty.

I'm going to hold out until after September when new term bugs are done in the hope that the little bit of bm in our bed time feeds helps immunity, but
there are lots good resources out there on gentle night weaning if you do need to do it proactively for your own sanity e.g.:
https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/08/10/how-to-gently-night-wean-a-breastfed-baby-or-toddler/ ;
https://www.littlenest.uk/portfolio
https://kellymom.com/ages/weaning/wean-how/weaning-night/

thanks so much @Nc9876543 its super tough especially as a single parent as i think id have cracked this a while ago with her as she is SO good with other people/at nursery etc but just with me obviously she wants the comfort. she’s waking so so much at night at the moment (big rough patch of teething) that i haven’t got the energy to night wean her. she’s literally wanting to be latched all day and night at the moment. but we’re in a new house, only been here 2 weeks, it’s all new and the fact she climbs into her bed and says ‘na night’ is a good sign! she just doesn’t stay in it long haha