Will I regret weaning from BF at 12 months?

[HelloBear765]

Baby is 10 months. Part of me really wants to stop at 12 months, I want my body back, I feel I've well and truly done my part. It has been HARD. I have not found it easy being trapped under a baby. I mentally just never feel I can have a break.

BUT it's so useful for teething and middle of the night wakes. I hear parents with older babies like mine who wake up in the night and take an hour to settle....whereas i put a boob in front of him and all is well. I don't even need to investigate what is wrong, he's out in a few minutes...He only wakes 1-2 times a night. When he's teething obviously he wakes a lot more but even then, the desperate painful cry is instantly sorted by breastfeeding.

I don't know what to do. Anyone finished at 12 months and was either happy or regretted it?

I don't know anyone in real life who has....I know a few who breastfed until the age of 3 which fills me with dread. Everyone else stopped at 3-6 months.

He does have a dairy and egg allergy so I find BF helps me give him more nutrients that may be lacking otherwise. He's on 3 meals and 2 snacks already.

Everyone weighs it up differently, so no one can give you a definitive answer. In any case, milk will soon start to be less and less a factor of your DC's diet and, particularly if you're back at work, feeding will probably become just a morning and night thing and fairly quick.

I fed until 2y8m and have no regrets. It was an immensely useful parenting tool and after 1yo required basically no effort or work from me whatsoever. DC1 also got a terrible stomach bug at about 15mo and wouldn't eat or drink at all, but still breastfed. Without breastfeeding we'd almost certainly have ended up in hospital, whereas as it was we did fine at home.

I gave up at 12 months with my second as the biting was getting bad. My first self weaned at about 18 months. Zero regrets!

It's very personal choice and what works for you.

Its not all or nothing though, you can day wean and still feed at night if you find it a useful parenting tool. My LO was fully day weaned at around 14 months but we kept night feeds to 18 months.

@ChandrilanDiscoDroid thanks! It's already a morning and evening (and night time) thing only, as he's on 3 meals a day and I went back to work 2 months ago. But it still means I am totally tied to him in the morning and all evening which is fine for now but I can't imagine doing this for another 6-18 months.

I think we're on another thread together under diff usernames! It's so personal, but I found with my eldest when breastfeeding gave me the "ick" it was time to drop or shorten a feed. I did that every time I had the feeling, and they were done by 18 months.

In my experience it's a lot easier after 12 months - I thought of it as a reward for getting that far. I set boundaries on length of feed / time to avoid getting touched out & enjoyed the last few months.

If you plan on trying for more DC, it's really really nice to have a break in the middle. I only gave myself a month before TTC & it was not enough for me anyway, for my body & hormones (& mind!) to recover.

Well done on getting this far. 👏🏼

@bringmecheesecake yeah, trying for another baby is part of it. DH really wants a second. I really really want some freedom before I can consider that.

At the moment, the thought of pregnancy AND breastfeeding again makes me unable to breathe, it's just so claustrophobic.

I was feeding baby this morning and I suddenly got this overwhelming feeling to latch him off. I couldn't take it anymore. Never had this before. I'd feel a lot better if I could mentally draw a line in the future I think.

I feel strangely guilty but also worried I'll fuck up his sleep as that would be worse 😂

I also have ZERO sex drive. And it's not because of relationship issues (DH is great) or sleep deprivation (anymore), so it must be the hormones.

@HelloBear765 yeah the thought of a second made me want to physically throw up until my DC was down to one short feed at 17 months. And then it's like a hormonal switch flippppped - I wanted all of the babies as soon as I finished breastfeeding.

That sounds exactly like the ick I had when it was time to drop feeds. I had a physical revulsion to it that went away as soon as I dropped a feed. I ended up doing one a month because the feeling came back like clockwork! I think our bodies know when it's time?

Ignore this bit if it's TMI but sex drive tends to return with regular ovulation. Mine is so low when I have anovulatory periods / ammenhoria. I need at least a 6 hour gap in feeds to keep my hormones regular or my cycles are all over the shop & I hate my (perfectly lovely) DH.

@bringmecheesecake I told my friends at the weekend that having a baby/breastfeeding has made me a lesbian. I could forego men forever right now 😅 although I guess not even a lesbian is correct, I'd love a commune with women and babies. Like the Amazons.

@HelloBear765 I don't mean to stereotype but any lesbian mothers I've ever met have been beautifully well rested, and thriving in motherhood compared to the rest of us. I told my DH I wish I was a lesbian last week, & he thought I was trying to come out. 😭

DD2 was nearly six when she stopped. No regrets. I only fed on demand to 24 months. Then I night weaned.

@stargirl1701 erm, well done, truly, but also no way 😂 I'm not built with that kind of patience.

I only managed 10 days EBF with DD1! 😂

I stopped at 13 months with dc1 brcause my periods and libido hadn’t come back and I wanted dc2. Period returned the day of my last feed after I’d gradually reduced to one feed a day (bedtime). I felt totally justified in doing it and baby loved a cup of cows milk so all good.

But with DC2 my period came back at exactly the same time - also 13 months - and I carried on feeding until 18 months. Stopping was a real wrench and felt much more difficult for a lot longer.

i think it’s very personal and hard to know how you will feel about it. Whatever you do, you’ve done amazingly to make it this far.

I wanted to do it to see her through starting nursery to help with bugs.

she still got sick a lot so not sure it helped, but she self weaned at 16 months (and we just did mornings for ages before that).

At around 14 months I wished I’d just stopped at 12 months, but actually I’m glad I carried on to let her ‘self wean’.

i felt similar in that breastfeeding was convenient, and I’m glad I did it, but I was so over any nurturing/ bonding effect and if anything, it was just making me ragey by the end.

She’s now 18 months and we’re ttc number two, and even the short break has made me feel much better and more ready.

I stopped just before 12 months with no issue, in fact we stopped ultimately because DS started to refuse it.

Meanwhile a friend is still feeding her 2 year old and really struggles with him rooting at her and pulling her clothes whenever he wants it (not needs it).

Like you OP I had no sex drive while feeding, we had sex 3 times in a year. Now I’ve stopped it’s coming back which is a relief as I worried it had gone forever.

I’ve got no regrets.