1 year trying to drop final breastfeed

[peroo]

Hoping for some advice and support , feeling a little lost. I have been solely BF my daughter for one year, she has never had formula or a bottle (despite me trying) and now I would like to stop. She has started to drink full fat milk in the past month and she will have a small drink out of a sippy cup every day before her day time naps which is great. I now only BF before bed and at 10:30pm. She then has milk when she wakes up at 3ish. This is not gospel but how most nights go. I have successfully dropped the 10:30pm BF for a few nights in a row. However the last few nights she knows the BF is diminishing and she is inconsolable. I ended up giving in a BF her to
calm her. I tried again last night to forgo and she just pointed at my top and was similarly inconsolable. I
suppose I would love to know how anyone in a similar situation tackled this . Is it that my husband goes in and settles her with a sippy cup of milk. And I honestly feel worried for how I’ll even drop the before bed feed as she wants it so much. Would really appreciate some words and stories of encouragement here. I’m ready to stop now. Particularly as I’m working Almost full time again. Thank you

Following with interest as I have a 9mo and aiming to stop bf somewhere around 1 year

Also following! My DC turns 1 in a week and I'm still breastfeeding before bed and several times in the night. Occasionally she will settle herself without being picked up and fed, but not often. I feel like my life is on hold because of her night waking - I'm just so tired. But I also can't bear the thought of just leaving her to cry when she wakes up.

Daddy had to do bedtimes to break the cycle here. Mine did have a dummy too so I think that sucking reflex helped soothe to sleep. I don’t remember it being a long drawn out process. Good luck !

It depends how badly you want to stop.
She’s possibly not going to give up without a fight so you have to be prepared for tears and to not give in.
When you give in you’re prolonging it.
I agree that daddy does bedtimes with milk in a cup for the foreseeable future.
Transitions are hard and there is rarely a magic, easy, upset free answer.

Thanks both for your input, sounds like Daddyhelp is the key. I will brace myself for some difficult feelings and tears, and keep you guys who are about to go on the same journey updated. Glad it wasn’t a drawn out process @Nicebloomers.

Maybe it didn’t feel drawn out because I could drink a glass of wine in front of the TV again 😂. I highly recommend it. Daddy needs to stay strong and be prepared for pushback. But you should never negotiate with terrorists or children.

@Fairylightsxxx @chickpea1982 thought i'd give you an update as i'm a few days in...Nanny (my Mum) came over to help look after her one afternoon and she gave her the usual bath before bed instead of me. This was a huge novelty and thus my Daughter didn't clock she wasn't expecting her usual BF. Then my husband wen't in and did bedtime story with a bottle of cows milk and she was so tired she fell asleep without any boob! I didn't breastfeed and then it suddenly dawned on me that I was stopping after EBF for 1 year and i was so emotional. Had no idea it was going to affect me so much! Anyway I felt it best to continue with the good work, but on the second night she clocked it was happening and was inconsolable and I gave in. However the next night and every night since I have managed to not BF at night with Husband going in with a bottle of milk. And last night I even managed to go in and do whole bath and bedtime routine and she didn't even seem phased that she wasn't getting boob. So, all in all so far a success. She is still downing a full bottle of cow milk in the middle of the night to get herself through to the morning. But she falls straight back to sleep again. And it not my boobs that are being used! Feeling at peace with the decision now, and pleasantly suprised at how ''easy'' it has been.

@peroo Thank you for the update! That is great to hear it is going well for you. Will bear this in mind when mine gets to 1 and can have cows milk.

I can imagine it must have felt really emotional, breastfeeding is such a huge journey ❤️

@peroo hi OP following this with interest as have been trying to wean off my EBF 13 month old, but after a few days of DH settling him to sleep without the boob, I felt too emotional about it and went back to feeding DS to sleep.
Just wondering if your little one took to cows milk easily? I’ve been trying to replace breast feeds with a sippy cup of cows milk but DS pulls a disgusted face and refuses to drink. Nightmare!

Hello @CityKity , ah girl, you’re doing amazing. I felt exactly the same. I know the hormones had a big part to play in the emotions surrounding stopping, and I did the same thing. Found it crazy emotional not having that bedtime connection so I fully understand going back to it. The only way I managed to do it was knowing that the cows milks was being enjoyed by her. This took a long time to introduce, and this is exactly how I attempted it, which worked but was a slow
process. I started introducing it a couple of weeks before weaning, because she HATED it. Like just hit it out my hand and let it dribble out her mouth when she tried it. But I bought a different coloured sippy cup, I used the b.box sippy cup with a red lid for the milk, and her TUM TUM sippy for water. I explained that this was also milk in the red top, and put it in everything I gave her , porridge, cereal, cooking, and would give her a small bottle to try at every sleep time morning , lunch and afternoon. I would always offer her water and milk at the sleep times and she occasionally started picking up the cold milk to taste… but she used to let it dribble out her mouth for the first few weeks of trying. Then she just started enjoying it more and more everyday. It was always cold, she never seems to like it warmed up. And now she loves it. I did have to tell her a few times that boobies were going to sleep and that if she wanted milk she would have to have sippy cup milk. Which she did understand. Then I did think it would always have to be dad that would have to do bedtime routine for the foreseeable, but actually, she enjoyed doing bedtime routine with me and still have her bottled milk after the first few days of no boob. It was so hard saying goodbye to it. But I felt it was the right time. But knowing she would drink the milk first, as the only thing that made dropping the final night feed much easier for me. I have now successfully been BF free for the last two weeks! Hope that helped in some way. Might not be the usual way to do it but I has worked for us. Let me know if you want to know anything else. It’s such an emotional time ! Xxx

I did a similar thing with DH doing the cuddles in the night but only offering a drink of water. As far as I remember, it took 3 nights for my DS to stop wanting a feed in the night.

Yes, I might add that to break the habit of her getting so worked up about the routing being, bath, then boob , then story before bed I had to switch it up and not do bath time at first. but like @MagpiePi said, it only took two or three nights before she was fine with me going in again and not associating it with a boob feed. I have to say it’s been a much more enjoyable bedtime for everyone since stopping, as now she lets other people give her milk and read her stories, which is amazing for me and she also enjoys it.

@peroo this is SO helpful, thank you so much for the detailed reply. Would you mind linking the b.box cup you used? DS loves his straw cup for water so I think a new cup will hopefully help. It’s really reassuring that your DD didn’t immediately take to cows milk either, I had no idea it would be such a battle. Good tip to try cold milk, I hadn’t even thought that he might prefer that. I’ve even bought the super creamy gold top mill this morning to see if that will tempt him 😅.

After a few days back breast feeding again I’m reminded why I want to stop, so I do need to give this another go. I had no idea the emotions would hit me so much but having been through it once already (trying to wean), I know a lot of that is hormonal and also mourning the loss of the baby stage.

Were you feeding to sleep for that last feed or was your DD okay getting herself off to sleep independently? DS can go to sleep in DHs arms if I’m not around (and is happy to skip a boob feed) but if I’m doing bedtime he pretty much refuses to sleep unless it’s on a boob, sigh.

@peroo oh and congratulations on being 2 weeks post EBF, it sounds so positive for you and exactly what I’m hoping to copy. I’m also finding bedtimes pretty stressful
atm. Half of that is my fault as we keep switching up how to do bedtimes and how to wean and then going back to breastfeeding because it’s easier. We definitely need to find a new (non boob) routine and stick to it!

@CityKity ok, here goes with another drawn out reply...here is cup (however since buying it I heard that the valve straw isn't brilliant for kids, but my daughter loves it so it's working for us.) I got different coloured top so she can choose between water sippy cup and milk sippy cup. I also had no idea it would take so long. I wasn't feeding to sleep at that point, (I was a few weeks before) but then i'd made a conscious effort to make sure that boob came before a bedtime story, so she still would often fall asleep on the boob, and i would gently wake her up to say did she want a story - which she almost always did because she loves her books. Then I would rock her to sleep, or just enough to put her down and she would fall asleep. Since stopping the BF, we still pick her up and hold her until she falls to sleep, every night now. The sticking to a routine has been a godsend for us to be able to do this, and i had to choose a month where we weren't staying away lots, which was hard this summer. Sorry you're finding bedtimes stressful, but find the routine that you and your partner feel comfortable with and just go in on it for a few weeks. You will get there. Message if there's anything else you want clarifying - it may not work for you, but it certainly helped us.