Weaning hell feeling very desperate

[Seeema2902]

Hi there everyone,

looking for some advice, I have an 8month old who from the get go has not wanted to be spoon fed with his mouth being pretty pursed shut when we have attempted to do this. Maybe the odd thing he’s taken off the spoon like Greek yogurt. We are now three months in with lots of stops and starts due to illness. We decided to let him touch and explore food and offer his full milk feeds as they say he doesn’t really need food. it is however starting to really grate on me that he rarely picks much to his mouth and a lot of time with throw spoons mush the food on the odd time where he seems keen he will let us pop something in his mouth but it is not a huge amount to consider a meal. We have attempted eating with him/ leaving him and helping him along.

yesterday was the first time I managed to feed him scramble egg with cheese after a lot singing and dancing around. If it was on a spoon this wouldn’t have worked. He has 6.5oz bottles about 4 times a day. A lot of people have said to swap the milk fkr food first so he learns it does satisfy his hunger.

I’m feeling scared of the outcomes and what to even do, it feels very overwhelming. My other two were spoon fed so this feels different I don’t know the right or wrong thing to do. I know when he starts nursery at 1 they will offer solids and milk after as per their normal routine I’m just concerned whether I am prepping him appropriately.

can anyone offer any reassurance and advice, does it turn out okay in the end is ok to mix some hand feeding and letting him explore I am so exhausted with this. Does nursery help with all of this?

Anything that becomes a huge, worrisome deal is a bad thing with tiny kids. I do get it though, weaning my first nearly killed me. If I were you I would back right off, have him with you at meal times with a few bits on his high chair, and let nursery deal with it since he's going there soon.

You’re still very early in the weaning journey - some children take to it really easily and others take longer. Both are fine!

id remove the pressure of the spoon and offer easy finger foods. Give him whatever you’re having, let him sit with you at mealtimes and play with it. If none of it goes in, that’s fine, the idea is for him to get used to what mealtimes look like and see what you’re doing. Eventually he will start to play with his food and copy you.

take the pressure off and relax, he will get there. Nursery will be good too as he’ll see other children eating and likely copy them.

@ShirleyPhallus @Spinet

would u consider offering solids first and milk after?

Yep. If it causes a big emotional reaction I'd backtrack quickly though. I don't see why trying it would hurt though.

I’ll give it a whirl over the weekend, I think my brain struggles to fathom how he can eat after 6.5 oz it’s so hard to get this right. Hating weaning this time round I think I hated it the last two times but this feels like I can’t do much to help trying so hard to be patient. Does it work out in the end?

I've never seen a 20 yr old drinking milk from a bottle, have you? If you've got older kids you've got a secret weapon because little ones live copying older kids. Let them eat together before he's had milk and I reckon it'll be easy. Main thing is to relax about it, which I know is nigh on impossible if you're not feeling relaxed about it 😁

Solids before milk - keep it relaxed like others have said and don't overthink it. Picky food is fine, doesn't have to be spoon fed, there's no right or wrong way. At the moment it's helping your child get a good relationship with food without it being a thing, as hard as it is, don't get worked up. I used to offer cucumber and steamed carrot sticks just randomly in the day.
Keep offering a variety, not too much on the table.
You will all get there and everyone and every child has their own journey, it all works out in the end.

Have you looked properly into baby led weaning? You just give them what you’re having cut appropriately (you may have to start offering as per 6 month old guidance initially since it sounds like you’ve puree fed).
Your job is to offer food, the baby’s role is to choose what they do with it, explore, taste, eat etc and how much, no fuss or cajoling, if they look like they’re finished just take it away. We started out with just one meal, not necessarily the same meal each day. I ignored milk feeds and carried on with those in the normal routine and offered food at a time when it wasn’t too long since baby had milk and also when wasn’t sleepy.

I was in your position and it was so stressful. DS hates being spoonfed (still does).

Don't worry, it gets better with time. DS is now 12.5 months on 3 meals and two snacks a day. Offer a bottle after trying food. Don't worry about how much they have eaten. Just congratulate even when they taste a small piece.

I found offering a very small portion worked the best. That way he could indicate if he wanted more. He wouldn't touch a meal when too much was offered.

Messy meals were a godsend. A nightmare to clean up but it really got the ball rolling.

Don't get bogged down if you can help it. There is ages to go before you need to worry. I am a very strong believer in trying for an easy life and regarding weaning that meant baby at the table having bits and bobs from our meal. One of mine took more than 6 months for any meaningful calories to be eaten, one was self feeding three meals a day within a few weeks and the third took to it well but was happy being spoon fed so needed some attention at the table.

Who and what is at the table at meal times? It could be that he's too distracted.

Have you tried giving him his own spoon to hold and play with?

You shouldn’t be trying to force feed him with singing and dancing, nor should you be trying to spoonfeed him.

It is not your job to make him eat. It is your job to offer and let him do what he wants with it. All interactions children have with food (playing, throwing, tasting, consuming, making) are developmentally important.

You are making food a battle. You are pressuring it and stressful with it. Of course he isn’t going to eat under those circumstances.

You make food, you offer food. You sit with them and eat yourself. You don’t feed them. You have a nice calm environment. Whatever happens, happens.

Eventually, with no pressure, baby will eat.

I hated weaning with my first I found it very stressful. A very wise friend told me to stop stressing and just offer food and clear it up after 15 mins or so! And start small. A spoon of full fat yogurt on the high chair while you make your breakfast for them to play with, and offer a finger of your toast. Let them watch you eat.

Lunchtime - same again, put a bit of your lunch on the high chair tray, a splodge of your soup, a mashed up bit of avocado or some shredded chicken from your salad.

Dinner - put a spoon of nut butter on the tray for him to play with while you make dinner. Give him a strip of steak to play with from your plate.

Don't be bothered by what he ate. Just offer, and clear away. Get on with the rest of your day. In a few weeks you'll be surprised what he's eating!

I think I need to take the pressure off, I think what worries me is not seeing tonnes of progress and thinking he’ll be going nursery in May and how this will pan out. If anything I need to try and embrace it and hope it’ll get better at nursery.

From the offset he’s seemed very distracted in his highchair. But when I’ve popped in my lap he’s trying to be on the move.

it feels horrid I keep wishing and willing away time. Going to try porridge fingers for breakfast tomorrow and see how that pans out.

We are going to attempt food before milk at the weekend. See how it goes. Is it okay to still be offering the full milk feeds I find the advice all a bit conflicting but it may be that I’ve also read way too much

My little one ate almost nothing before he was 18 months old, except a bit of yogurt. It's scary, especially as other people talk about their adventurous eaters and how many portions their children are eating.

I read "my child won't eat" which was reassuring that he would get there in his own time.

What worked for us was offering a small milk feed about 30-60 minutes before solid food. If he was hungry he wouldn't touch solids because it was too much effort. Too big a milk feed and he would be too full to eat. It's a juggling act.

Also we dialled back to 1 meal a day. No point preparing several meals to go in the bin. Once we found something he liked we would use that to introduce other flavours. We smeared spreads and purée's on toast and rice cakes.

For a long time though he was incredibly fussy. There were only a handful of things he would eat and even fewer things he would eat away from home.

Friends and relatives were pre-warned not to comment on what he did or didn't eat. It he only wanted a bread roll it was fine.

As a pre teen, most of his friends are now full into their fussy beige foods, whereas DS now eats almost everything.

My reasoning is that all kids have a fussy phase. Some just do it at the start of weaning.

@queenofthewild rbis gives me some reassurance, it’s such a horrid juggle. I know a lot of people love weaning I don’t … we’ve had tonnes of food wastage.

I think I’m going to scale the amounts down. And also milk to create appetite. Praying it works. It’s hard not worry I get BLW is hands off but it’s all too tempting to try no matter what to feed them think it’s instinct x

It's early days, don't worry so much. But maybe stop giving him stuff that's so hard to eat, like scrambled egg? Try things like cooked black beans a bit crushed with a spoon to reduce choking risk but still easier to get hold of than mushier things. Banana and avocado but more smashed than puréed so still grippable. Hard boiled egg chopped up perhaps? Cut up bits of bread to try. sMy son (now 13 month) went sour on anything with a soft texture very early, no more purées, pain in the ass as I had no interest in doing BLW and didn't with DS1 but ds2 basically insisted! He wouldn't. Touch them and he went crazy if he couldn't pick up the food himself. Those kiddylicious wafers really helped both times to get them used to aiming and chewing but without a choking risk. I wouldn't cut his milk cos then you'll have to worry about intakes and nutrients which right now you don't because this is just experimentation. And try to get out of the mindset of worrying about food waste, I know how you feel but these are very small amounts for a very short time relatively, it's not important in the context of your child's development and you really can't avoid it unless you're fortunate enough to get a competent and unpicky eater from the get-go.

Is it okay to still be offering the full milk feeds

Yes. Milk is their main source of nutrition until 1 and should not be cut down. Milk then half an hour later, solids.

it’s all too tempting to try no matter what to feed them think it’s instinct

No, it’s not instinct to feed them Your baby is not learning anything when you feed them.

Baby needs to learn how to chew, swallow, take appropriate size bites, know when they are full, use cutlery themselves etc. None of this can be done by being fed by you.

Feeding him does him no favours; only sets his weaning journey back, as weaning is all about learning how to eat. Feeding baby doesn’t teach them that.

I think in your shoes I’d do 3 things

1. Eat with the baby so you have something to do and aren’t solely focused on baby eating /not eating and Give milk after meal.
2. offer more self feed foods like baby puff snacks, yoghurt, banana split lengthways into thirds so it manageable, baby wafers and rusk organic soft biscuit type things, hard boiled egg, a piece of pineapple to suck and gum on…
3. Relax and unclench. As long as your baby is getting cals it’ll all work out. Just keep offering them bits of random foods stuffs.

Our DD is a great eater but it was very non linear she declines and turns away food all the time. We just shrug and offer something else…
if all else fails she gets some wheatabix

I have always been ultra chilled and had a very firm conversation with my DH when he started all the “come on” “ just try it” “have one more bite” and trying to push food into babies mouth. I did it to him and he got cross but he stopped it immediately 😅

I'm in the exact same boat with my little boy. Hes 7 months now, in the beginning he seemed to enjoy it now hes totally disinterested. I've tried everything. Pouches, purees, blw, finger foods. Mealtimes when were altogether. All he seems to like at the moment is those puft weaning wands and wafers. I've lost so much confidence lately, I feel like ive failed him. He used to loving having florets of broccoli, now lately hes having none of it

I cried this evening because of it, its really getting to me now. I'm so worried hes going to become a fussy eater 😩

Can totally relate it feels very demoralising and by offering things on repeat you do feel you are ruining their exposure. Persevere every day I tell myself I can’t control what he does or eats and I do fall foul of trying to offer bites of food. I keep telling myself he won’t want milk forever and eventually it’ll get better x sending lots of hugs

A bit like walking, talking etc - eating is developmental too. They all don’t turn 6 months and immediately eat 3 meals a day. Offer food throughout the day, if they eat 5% or even lick a bit, you’re doing great!

There's a BLW app called Solid Starts and they have an Instagram page as well, they have some nice ideas for whole family meals that you can offer to your little one.

Sending lots of support!

@Maymin At 7 months he doesn’t need snacks. Those type of things are unhealthy and unnecessary.

If you’re worried now you’re in for a shock in the toddler years. All children are “fussy” at some stage, especially toddlers. Toddlers will happily not eat anything in a day and be absolutely fine, will turn their nose up at a food they loved yesterday and the next day eat something they previously didn’t like.

You just need to calm down. No pressure. No stress. Baby won’t eat while they pick up on your stress.

It doesn't mean that, honestly. Very little goes in a straight line with babies. A few wands and wafers will do him no harm. There are things worth worrying about with a 7 month old, weaning isn't one of them. Right now his meals are milk. With food, he's just trying stuff out.

Sit him up to the table next to you, he may well get interested when he sees you eat. When he realises there's more to this food business than he realised, as his dexterity improves, he may well be super into food again. Don't worry.

And no, you being stressed will not stop your baby eating 🙄