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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

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Original poster

How can I tactfully tell family that I don't want to wean yet?

37 replies

emmy1979 · 29/02/2008 12:49

Getting a fair bit of pressure from various family members to wean my 17 week old ds2. Trouble is when ds1 was weaned guidelines said 16 weeks. This worked for ds1 because he didn't (and still doesn't) like the taste of milk. However DS2 loves his milk, is massive compared to his brother, and having just changed from bf to ff is draining his bottles at every feed. Have spoken to HV to check that it's ok that he's having an extra 7oz feed at night and she said give him what he needs. I want to do BLW at 6 months but both sides of family keeping saying we should give him baby rice as he's started waking more often at night. How can I tactfully tell them to bog off? I'm starting to doubt my resolve and my dp (who is struggling with the disturbed sleep) seems to be hinting that we should listen to them. We've got a big family meal tomorrow and I need help with wording my defence please!

OP posts:

FioFio · 29/02/2008 12:51

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nickytwotimes · 29/02/2008 12:51

Well, with the older family, just explain that they had their turn to make mistakes and now it's yours! Dp, not so easy. i had similar probs wiht mil who started going on about "solids" from about 12 weeks! Needless to say, i ignored her...
Hopefully someone else will be able to help you.

OverMyDeadBody · 29/02/2008 12:51

Um... your baby, your choice.

Just say "I'm not weaning until 6 months" and change the subject.

No need for tact, just confidence and assertiveness.

ConnorTraceptive · 29/02/2008 12:52

Nod, smile and ignore. It's the only way!

OverMyDeadBody · 29/02/2008 12:53

Why lie though Fio?

You're right, it's none of their business. So just tell them the truth and drop the matter.

BenFMsmum · 29/02/2008 12:54

Yes, your baby, your way!! Stand up for yourself and what you want to do. Ask them how they would have felt being pressured into something they didn't want to do with their kids.

FioFio · 29/02/2008 12:54

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hecate · 29/02/2008 12:57

Me, I'd say "Anyone you push out of your body, you deal with. This one is mine so I make the rules." But I'm generally regarded as hostile.

If you don't want to just tell them straight to mind their own business, you could try....... "Yeah, thanks for your opinion. Did you see last night? Good, wasn't it?"

BumperliciousNeedsaGlassofWine · 29/02/2008 13:06

Tell them your HV/GP said to wait.

You are doing the right thing btw! Weaning won't necessarily make him sleep through the night. BLW is fab!

Original poster

emmy1979 · 29/02/2008 13:09

Lying wouldn't work because both sets of parents are really involved. They'd be asking where the baby food is! It's my dad and my mil who are the ones I struggle with. My mil had 4 kids and I think her word is pretty much law in their family so my dp will totally listen to her. We had so many issues with her and ds2's name when he was born, I really stood up for myself then but I know it looks like I'm just going against everything she says. And I already know what my dad's response to my choice is - 'I know best'. He nearly bought the bowls, rice and spoons in the supermarket the other day! My mum had to stop him. Smiling and nodding doesn't work! I've told them the truth a dozen times and tried in vain to drop the subject but it keeps coming up - that's why I need help with wording so that I'll have more impact!

OP posts:

jumpingbeans · 29/02/2008 13:10

What is BLW, sorry still new to all this, but interested -just because it's all so different new

jumpingbeans · 29/02/2008 13:10

now, even

terramum · 29/02/2008 13:10

Ask them how much reading they have done lately on the subject of offering complementary foods to infants . Or ask them to provide some proper medical evidence/studies in favour of giving baby rice to stop night waking or that proves their are no disadvantages/side effects of giving solids early. Then say if they can't then could them kindly shut up as you have no intention of following their "unproven" ideas that go against current UK, American & the World Health Org's guidelines for introducing solids.

...should hopefully shut them up

quint · 29/02/2008 13:13

No need to be tactful. Just tell them that you are not weaning yet - no need to go into why, just be assertive and say thats the way it is.

Can I ask why you are not weaning? Is there any specific reason (by the way don;t take this as me joining in and telling you you should!)

Original poster

emmy1979 · 29/02/2008 13:14

Hecate - Thank you! That will work with my dad. You have to be pretty abrupt with him as he truly thinks he knows best. Even on subjects he knows nothing about! As for my mil I hope if I direct that at my dad and she hears it at the meal she'll think 'better leave it'. Fingers crossed.

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Niecie · 29/02/2008 13:15

I would be tempted to just laugh, and say "what an old fashioned idea, I still can't believe people used to do that! Thankfully we know so much more about how babies develop now, don't we?" and then just sit there smirking at them.

They all need to butt out. Sounds like your mother is on your side though, if she stopped your father buying the bowls and things. Could you get her to back you up if DP isn't going to?

StealthPolarBear · 29/02/2008 13:17

I was going to join in the distraction / change the subject / be vague idea, but as they're all involved I think there's nothing for it but to explain that guidance has changed and explain it all to them, and make it clear that you won't be starting before you're ready.
We had a similar thing with MIL - every time DH spoke to her on the phone from about 16 weeks she would ask if he was eating food yet - we just vaguely answered no until 23 weeks when we said yes he is, and no he's STILL not sleeping thank you very much
MIL wouldn't have pushed it though - it's just what she did with her boys.

hecate · 29/02/2008 13:19

You must come back and let me know how you got on!

Original poster

emmy1979 · 29/02/2008 13:19

Terramum, I'll write that on my hand and recite it at the meal if hecates put down doesn't work. Better not drink too much wine or I'll end up getting it all mixed up.

Jumping beans blw is baby led weaning - they have a website that someone here will have to link too, I don't know how to link. Criminal.

quint - Not weaning yet as I really want to wait for blw and ds2 wouldn't be able to pick up the broccoli etc yet. So just waiting until he's ready to that. :-)

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PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 29/02/2008 13:20

god, I want some of whatever hecate, niecie and terramum are having!

would probably take terramum's approach myself, but ime it's better simply to say "my baby, my way", without giving them anything to argue with. Not that this will shut them up - eventually you may have to say, "I've heard your point of view and I appreciate that you care, but I need to do what I think is best for me and dc's, and I don't really want to argue about this any more."

you may have say this more than once

quint · 29/02/2008 13:44

Fair enough.

Have to say I would love to be there if and when you tell them "Anyone you push out of your body, you deal with. This one is mine so I make the rules." great idea Hectate!

terramum · 29/02/2008 14:17

Been thinking about this some more....

Another approach you could take is to view it as an opportunity to educate them all. I do this if someone says I'm odd for bfing my DS or breaking the law by HEing. Most people don't know it's biologically normal to bfeed a child beyond infancy or know that it's legal to home educate.....so I gently offer some info to explain it.

Unless your family members have had babies in the last 3-4 years & access to health professionals who are up to date (or the internet ) then its' likely they will be completely unaware that the guidelines have changed or why. Hardly their fault really! Maybe say something to them along the lines of you valuing their opinion but you want them to be as aware of the information about this as you are & you would be only too happy to furnish them with the books, leaflets & websites you have read & then (& only then) will you be willing to hear their opinion on this subject.

Hopefully they will either shut up because they aren't really that interested in the subject (& don't want to do all that reading!) or will just be happy that you have obviously read up on the subject & know what you are doing. If they happen to actually read up on the subject then they won't have nay excuse to hassle you anymore & it might help spread the word about modern weaning guidelines & practices to the other grandparents, aunts & uncles of their generation

StealthPolarBear · 29/02/2008 14:18

Baby Led Weaning - Aitch's blog

pagwatch · 29/02/2008 14:20

And you need to set the rules now. I remember having arguements, endless arguements with my parents about DS1 schooling. By the time DS2 and DD arrived I had learnt the smile and change the subject tactic which has served me so well since.
The other tactic is to say " goodness you have given me such food for thought. I will think long and hard about what you say" . You have to do it straight faced every time they raise it.

MommaFeelgood · 29/02/2008 14:22

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