13 months - back to square one

[MumAlwaysWorries]

Hi, new mum... and new to Mumsnet as reaching the end of my tether with weaning. Been doing a mix of BLW and spoon feeding now as nothing seems to work. Weaning from BF.

At 6 months little one was really interested in food, and with purees and bits of fruit we were making progress.

Then nothing, for months - just playing and mostly refusing. I know it's all part of it, but we are apparently behind now. His weight was checked and he's healthy.

I was offered a phone call as the community nurse who did our 9 month check (at 12 months bc of low staff, strikes, Christmas etc) offered a phone call to help with my anxiety (had PPA and PPD, lucky me) and talk me through BLW, but I haven't taken up the offer as am not sure how it would help, it would probably wind me rup tbh.

I see other mums when we are out and about, feeding their babies in high chairs at the table -with actual solids!- who are younger and smaller than mine. Just feel really embarrassed by it all and like I'm failing massively especially after being told that we are falling behind and that I could be risking his development. But he seems happy, BFs (alot, but I'm still trying to reduce and replace with food, baba will have water now which seems to be the only bit of progress we've made in months).

Even my friend who hasn't had her baby yet (and will be a first time mum in about a month) is starting to "be concerned" but I'm OK with knowing that it's none of her business, and she likes trying to get a little lecture in about how smart she is every once in a while.

It's worse since I shared with her that we managed mixed feeding, but my DH thought that was a bad idea and basically refused to feed bottles when it was his turn. 6 months later now baba won't even go for going back to that.

I don't really know what else I can do. Not sure if he has sensory issues but just worried as he is over 1yo and not eating anywhere near what he is supposed to be.

I'll take any all advice, I don't want to fail my child.

Hi OP, I’m sure other posters will be along with more useful advice but I just wanted to say that I’ve been where you are, with a baby who just isn’t that into food. I’ve seen other mums and babies out and about, with kids who can’t get enough and happily sit in high chairs eating away. That isn’t and never has been my son. He’s 20 months now and only very recently got into eating what seems like proper meals for his age, but even this isn’t every day. He has a small appetite and isn’t a fussy eater (will try anything) but is very happy to self regulate, even if it means not eating much. He is also still breastfed, has never had a bottle (not even of my expressed milk) and actually I’m really happy about this, because he’s still getting so much goodness from it. We live in a society that does not normalise or celebrate extended breastfeeding, and expects baby to have replaced breastfeeding with food way earlier than is actually normal. Kelly mom, which is a really useful and supportive BF resource states:

Some toddlers are eating very few solids, or even no solids, at 12 months. This is not unusual and really depends on your child – there is quite a big variation. We like to see breastmilk making up the majority (around 75%) of baby’s diet at 12 months. Some babies will be taking more solids by 12 months, but others will still be exclusively or almost-exclusively breastfed at this point. It is normal for baby to keep breastmilk as the primary part of his diet up until 18 months or even longer. An example of a nice gradual increase in solids would be 25% solids at 12 months, 50% solids at 18 months, and 80% solids at 24 months.

Basically, I’ve been where you are, and eventually they do just start eating more if you can persevere with leading by positive example. I’ve also battled significant PPA and so I know how it feels to worry and compare, but I wish I just trusted my little one a bit sooner and to follow his lead. If he’s happy, has lots of energy and meeting milestones, try just to enjoy him. It will all come in the end.

Hi, I've had a similar journey with my second son who is now 20 months.

Started weaning at 6 months from exclusive breastfeeding, and tried BLW like I did with my first. It really didn't work for my second - he would choke and gag on pretty much everything, and started refusing to even try to eat anything. I tried not to stress too much, HV wasn't concerned and just reassured me that it was all about exploring textures and flavours until baby turns one, and that he'll get there eventually. Which was fine, except he really didn't get it. By the time he was 13 months he'd dropped centiles to below the 1st from the 25th, and was basically existing on just pureed fruit pouches, strawberry yoghurt and breastfeeds - he was still feeding multiple times through the day and night which was utterly exhausting. I tried reducing it, and he just cried all night from hunger and thirst and still refused to eat.

The health visitor referred him to the paediatrician and dietician which actually wasn't too helpful - their advice was to fortify his food with butter and cream etc to increase his calorie intake. Which wasn't very helpful when the problem was that he wouldn't eat or drink anything. He was started on the high calorie supplement drinks - again, useless because he refused them.

I was immensely stressed, almost to the point of breakdown because I was exhausted from feeding all through the night, working full time and watching my healthy child waste away and couldn't do anything except try every meal time to get a few extra spoonfuls of something into him. We were still purifying food for him until almost 15 months because even the slightest texture would be refused or make him gag so much he was sick which was soul destroying when he vomited up any food we had finally got into him. Finally around 15 months he could start to eat tiny bits of textured food without choking.

We offered whatever we were having, plus extra fortified milk, and eventually around 17 months he finally started to eat more. I'm not sure what changed for him, but we were visiting my parents at Christmas and I left him with my mum whilst I did errands and my mum sat him down with a bowl of beef stew and veg, and he polished off the lot! It was the most he'd ever eaten. My mum even took photos of him eating it with his own spoon and I couldn't believe it. Since then, he's so much better. Still little for his age, but finally he's starting to get a bit chubby.

So - no real advice, just some solidarity and understanding how stressful it is having a poor eater, and hopefully in time your little one will turn a corner and just start eating better.

I'm sorry that you are worried. Weaning can be so stressful can't it.

Could you talk us through what foods and feeds you are currently offering?

Hey @Moon12345 thanks for this. 🥰 I stayed off the internet for a while hence to slow reply, was driving myself up the wall. Your response was so thoughtful and relatable, it's really helped me feel less anxious about weaning and sorry to hear about your experience with PPA. It is definitely something which gets less of the 'glamorous' coverage that PPD gets, but is definitely prevalent in postnatal mental health.

Totally forgot KellyMom! A best friend recommended that site and read it right at the start of newborn life, was a godsend while actually in the hospital, when there were no midwives about most of the time 🤯Just reading this has put me at ease. Have taken your advice, going to concentrate on enjoying the fun and cuddles while I still can. Tysm again x

Heyb@TheBeastReleased, thanks, solidarity much appreciated. 💪The textures aversion sounds really familiar, sometimes the gagging starts before anything new goes into LO's mouth -and then the next day a whole baby spoon might be eaten before refusing all the food for the rest of the week.

Was gonna ask for a stew recipe but we are veggies haha! Getting easier to accept it might still take some time, thanks again x