Anyone regret baby-led weaning?

[RosieLee2019]

We did BLW from the start, but now, at 14 months, DS is still making a huge mess at mealtimes, chucking food and cutlery on the floor, barely eating a lot of the time and constantly trying to climb out if his high chair.

I feel like giving him autonomy at meal times has massively backfired and descended into unwanted behaviour, while all my friends’ traditionally weaned babies seem to eat much better at meal times and make less mess.

Trouble is, we can’t go back now, and we’re just stuck with stressful chaotic meal times (which also makes eating out a nightmare).

Anyone else find this or have advice??

I think what they mean by ‘issues’ is refusing a large number of healthy foods and instead eating a very limited diet of things like bread and crackers.

It probably isn’t BLW itself which is the issue but the way it is implemented. I’ve seen children chuck their veg and meat on the floor then be fed a whole punnet of strawberries to fill them up.

The children who eat the most veg are from countries like Portugal and Spain where first weaning foods are savoury vegetable soups.

Would most 14 month olds accept being spoon fed? No way mine would at that age.

My first was spoon fed with baby rice, purée etc and she’s a really fussy eater now. Just seems to get no enjoyment from food and only eats because she has to.
Second was BLW from the start and now eats pretty much everything and loves food. Only a sample size of 2 but if I had another I’d do BLW again with no reservations.

I did what I called lazy weaning ie sat on my knee and allowed help themselves off the plate with fingers, exactly what we eat (no salt), and mash with a fork if required. Food playing on the plate/attempt to get in mouth was OK, but the expectation was it was eaten. Added spoon and fork as dexterity improved, then sat on raised chair to table with own plate. Any attempt at food throwing food was removed. Spillages/clumsy feeding are OK, but the idea was to copy the rest of us at the table eating nicely. Never had an issue.

Spoon fed doesn’t mean force fed 🙄 honestly do people really believe that??? That’s like saying formula feeding is force feeding!

I will say as an Early Years practitioner we tend to see more food issues amongst the so called “baby led weaned” children than the traditionally weaned ones. That’s obviously a generalisation but it’s what we observe in our setting.

This is horse shit.

Also what's with the 'so called' it's literally the term used by this whole thread.

@pastypirate

I will say as an Early Years practitioner we tend to see more food issues amongst the so called “baby led weaned” children than the traditionally weaned ones. That’s obviously a generalisation but it’s what we observe in our setting.

This is horse shit.

Also what's with the 'so called' it's literally the term used by this whole thread.

Just saying what we see at our nursery. You may not like reading it but it’s what we see.

I use “so called” because all types of weaning/feeding is led by baby unless they are being force fed.

I did BLW with both and I don’t regret it. My 19 month old gets told no firmly if he starts playing with food or trying to drop it on the floor. If the plate or cup starts to get played with its take away. He can use a fork and spoon as well.

Just saying what we see at our nursery. You may not like reading it but it’s what we see

What do you see?

You say you see “issues”, but what do you mean by that?

My family think my child has “issues” as they will not eat if they aren’t hungry. My nephew is thought to be a “good eater” as he isn’t allowed to leave the table unless he has eaten a prescribed amount, so has learned to just eat it, whether he wants it or not.

Kids, food and “issues” are open to interpretation. I think my kids have learned to recognise when they are hungry or not, and don’t consider it an issue at all. My nephew on the other hand is being taught to ignore his body’s signals in order to please adults.

It is a phase. Buy some Ella pouches and spoon feed out of those until you have the spiritual energy to go back to baby led weaning.

I did this once after a very embarrassing meal out with other babies and their mums, who were all on the pouches. It didn’t undermine the blw; it just gave me a less stressful time for a bit.

Although it turned out that our dramatic display of food frisbee had inspired the pouch mums to do it how we were doing it! So perhaps it is not as chaotic as you think?

Did BLW with 2. First one has a lot of food issues now, narrow palette and had issues sleeping when she was under 18 months as I think she was hungry. Dc1 likes being foods of which she eats rather little but is totally into bread and sweets Dc2 eats a rounded diet, healthy amounts etc. I thunk it doesn't matter TBH, even if you spoon feed you'll want to give them finger foods to eat alongside the mashed up food. We had loads of mess, which was crappy but it passes.

If I had my time again, I'd offer mashed up foods alongside finer foods from 6-12 months and move them to only solids at that point.

I wish there had been less of a Breast is best and natural birth is best push when I had my dc1. Ended up with emergency CS and horrible time BF dc1. We got the hang of it but the trauma that it put us all through was unnecessary.

Dc1 likes beige foods

I mushed up stuff. But also gave finger food to hold and suck on. Orange slices etc.

*finer foods too early to type

finger

My observation is that spooning food into a baby’s mouth teaches them to accept it, and they learn there’s no point objecting, as it carries on being spoon fed regardless. Much the same way as being taught to finish plates can lead to hunger/full cues being over ridden, and not learning when to stop

Force feeding a baby is different to spoon feeding, if someone is that way inclined then they would probably shovel sheperds pie or whatever else against baby's will . OP I doubt its had an impact on messy eating, just put boundaries in place. There does often seem to be a weird snobbery with BLW when in reality what works for parents and babies differs.

@Guineapigssweak

Can you just spoon feed your little one? The traditional way is far better, child eats a good amount of food, no mess, no waste. Plenty of time for them to feed themselves.

How depressing

Entirely possible this is what you'd be experiencing if you'd spoon fed. Some babies are just like this.
Allowing them to control what goes in their mouth doesn't mean not teaching table manners and having behaviour boundaries. So if they leave the table they don't get to come back until next meal. Throwing food means the food is taken away and doesn't come back (age appropriate if they understand that, but at least don't get into a game with it so just calmly take it away no eye contact no returning the food). If they don't eat the food you want then to eat the dessert doesn't happen. Etc.

It might be worth giving the fussy eating adults thread from a couple of days ago a read.

I don't think weaning method has much to do with how a child eats. Some people are just more sensitive and cautious around new tastes and flavours.

I bloody hated weaning. Baby led, he flung everything. Spoon feeding her clamped his mouth shut and refused. I don't think he ate anything until he was closer to 15 months.

However he is never ill, now eats a wide range of things at home (but is more cautious out and about) and plays a lot of sport.

If I had my time again I would have fretted less.

Regarding fussy eating, I did the proper BLW, read the book and stuck to eat. DC1 was eating a whole wide range of things. Her palette has become narrower and narrower. Bit who knows, it might be worse if we had spoon fed her. Both dc were EBF until 6 months and BF until 12 months. One has issues around food the other doesn't. As I said food issues in dc1 could maybe worse if we hadn't done BLW. Who knows.

One Traditional, one BLW.

They are 8&10now. Fussy in different ways... but its their general natures which also influenced how rhey were weaned.

Elder DD is very cautious about new foods, likes plainer stuff, and really dislikes certain textures. Just wants food without performance.

Younger DD is more adventurous. The more exotic the better it seems. Always wants to be independent (she completelyrefused food from a sppin, would just grab it off you!). But refused to eat any form of potato or bread for years as too bland. We nearly did a happy dance on Friday as she ate a mini potato waffle (she doesn't like chips) because sometimes we need quick food like before clubs.

@Nomoreusernames1244

I will say as an Early Years practitioner we tend to see more food issues amongst the so called “baby led weaned” children than the traditionally weaned ones. That’s obviously a generalisation but it’s what we observe in our setting

What do you mean by “food issues”?

My observation is that spooning food into a baby’s mouth teaches them to accept it, and they learn there’s no point objecting, as it carries on being spoon fed regardless. Much the same way as being taught to finish plates can lead to hunger/full cues being over ridden, and not learning when to stop.

Baby led weaning gives a child the ability to stop when they’re full, or choose not to eat something they don’t like.

Now as adults we perceive the babies who eat what we want them to eat as “good”, while the ones who refuse have “issues”.

Personally I wanted my children to have control over what they eat, to be able to say no, stop when full, and choose what they wanted from what was offered. I don’t have this, and guess what, I’m obese because I just keep eating til the food is gone.

Extrapolation and anecdata, I know, but food is such a huge issue for me, and BLW made sense to me. Neither of my kids have “issues”, but they have learned to eat to appetite so I consider it a success.

My 7mo DS can certainly tell me when he's had enough and will refuse the spoon. He definitely doesn't just "accept" being spoon fed. He still has complete control over how much he eats.

There's so much pressure and guilt around weaning. Babies are so different, develop differently and there's so many different factors at play. No way can I believe that weaning method is the single factor in toddler behaviour.

No regrets here either. Though I never did full BLW all the time as it was too messy. You have to be sensible with things - there was no sense in me letting a toddler plaster the walls with spaghetti bolognese even though I have the photos of them aged 6/7 months with it in their hair etc. He happily ate it off a spoon at that age so I fed it from a spoon.

It seems like the regrets listed here are either nothing to do with BLW, or reasons that the person doesn't like the BLW ethos in the first place (ie not being able to know how much they have eaten) so probably shouldn't have chosen it.

It is very common for them to go through a phase like this at about 1 however they were weaned. It's just toddlers being different to babies.

DD1 was traditionally weaned and is now the fussiest eater in the world, still likes people feeding her and avoids cutlery at all costs. Nightmare! She’s 8.

DD2 was BLW and eats almost anything. She did go through a phase of throwing it to the floor but we took that as a sign that she was done and encouraged her to put it back on the plate. She’s 16m now and puts it back if she doesn’t want it or leaves it on her tray. She can use a spoon pretty well but will also let us feed her.

If we were ever to have a third, I’d go for BLW again in a heartbeat!

No never regretted it. I loved it. Did it by the book with both of mine who are now at school, and it was brilliant. The throwing and playing is all part of their learning, they grow out of it.

There's so much pressure and guilt around weaning. Babies are so different, develop differently and there's so many different factors at play. No way can I believe that weaning method is the single factor in toddler behaviour

Agree. As pp have said, it’s more likely to be parental attitude. Make meal times stressy, kids will get stressy over food.

People do get weird about babies eating, or not eating. Generally weaning is not a nutrition source and often pushing solids over milk in the early days is actually detrimental.

I always found it difficult to reconcile the culture of “good” babies eating everything and eating large quantities, with the current epidemic of overweight children. Praising children for clearing plates in school I always found wrong, and the you must eat x spoons of this before you can have that.