Moving on to finger foods..baby does not want to chew/pick up food

[Kiyentai]

Maybe this is a little premature but I guess I would like to get either some reassurance or some guidance. So my son is a big eater, he is 9 months old. 99% for his weight and 89% for his height. I make all of his baby food, and make homemade purees. A couple weeks ago we got the okay to move him to finger foods, as in starting to learn how to chew etc.

I am exceptionally nervous about his choking, I have read books, websites, asked my friend for some advice. We started him on Yogees, which was basically a yogurt based food with strawberries, and it melts in his mouth. He would let us put it in his mouth with our fingers.. but then we moved onto soft potatoes and he was not a fan. Tried some scrambled eggs, he chewed a few bites and then no more. Now we tried giving him some avocado after his pureed avocado and he just spits it out. He will not use his hands to bring it to his mouth, he just picks it up and throws it on the ground. Now I will admit before we would let him play with his toys after he was done eating to let him sit up for a bit so he wouldn't spit up.. and he would toss them on the ground, so maybe we made a bit of a mistake there by letting him play where he ate. We have since stopped doing that and we move him somewhere else to play for a little bit to hopefully break that habit.

I've talked to my pediatrician and he assured me that this is okay, but I guess I'm afraid of screwing it up. He's usually a pretty easy baby that takes to things really quickly but I don't know if I'm doing things right. Like do I need to give him bigger slices, how do I get him to pick up his food and bring it to his mouth. The pediatrician said to give him stuff off our plate but a lot of our food is not age-appropriate for him (chicken sausage, steak, turkey, thick sauteed veggies) or at least until he learns how to chew better so we make him separate stuff to practice.

Any thoughts or advice? I think my anxiety is getting the best of me too in this, but I just want to be on the right track. Thanks!

Sorry, bad wording. He has NOT choked at all. I just am afraid of him choking on food. and he won't take anything from our fingers anymore, he just wants it to be from the spoon.

Try soft cooked veg maybe? Steamed carrot sticks to hold and suck l, little bits of broccoli. Then let him have a go, no pressure.

I don’t understand the approach you’re following. Finger foods can be given from the start of weaning. My babies both loved bits of sausage, vegetables and especially steak, I don’t see what’s unsuitable about those (in limited quantities to control salt if necessary).
Have you been trained in first aid if he does choke? That might help you relax.
You just keep offering the food alongside the things he already and one day he’ll eat it. It might take another 6–9 months though.

Bits of chicken/strips of steak are fine
Toast fingers
Pasta shapes
Pancakes
Banana

And finger foods could/should have been introduced from 6 months. Anything can be finger food tbh e.g. rice, mashed potato.

@CherryRedDMs

I don’t understand the approach you’re following. Finger foods can be given from the start of weaning. My babies both loved bits of sausage, vegetables and especially steak, I don’t see what’s unsuitable about those (in limited quantities to control salt if necessary). Have you been trained in first aid if he does choke? That might help you relax. You just keep offering the food alongside the things he already and one day he’ll eat it. It might take another 6–9 months though.

Cherry,

You're right. That's why I am asking because from the books and stuff I've been reading/watching they are saying like.. start with veggies/fruit..cut the carrots long ways.. smoosh the blueberries..quarter the grapes..start with soft foods that he can gum.. don't feed the broccoli until later. Cut everything super small. He's my first baby so I am very confused and not sure if I'm doing this right, you know? And I don't have a lot of mom friends to come over and show me or people to learn from, because most of my family lives in other states.

I've looked at Led weaning and I'm not sure about it. I am certified in infant first aid and CPR, but the general thought of him choking scares me. What if I can't dislodge his food? Will an ambulance get here in time? Those types of things.

@OldaRailer

Try soft cooked veg maybe? Steamed carrot sticks to hold and suck l, little bits of broccoli. Then let him have a go, no pressure.

Is that not a choking hazard to gift him a carrot? Is it a carrot stick or a baby carrot?

Are you in the US?
In the UK we can offer most things from 6 months except high salt/sugar foods, honey, whole nuts and unpasteurised products.

Unless there are allergies present you don't need to be so cautious

Its a stick of carrot that's been steamed so it's soft. It is squishy not hard

@CherryRedDMs

I don’t understand the approach you’re following. Finger foods can be given from the start of weaning. My babies both loved bits of sausage, vegetables and especially steak, I don’t see what’s unsuitable about those (in limited quantities to control salt if necessary). Have you been trained in first aid if he does choke? That might help you relax. You just keep offering the food alongside the things he already and one day he’ll eat it. It might take another 6–9 months though.

Agree with this. I’ve gone through weaning twice, started from 6 months (I’m guessing maybe you were advised to hold off as you’ve mentioned a paediatrician) and I also had a massive fear of them choking (although tried to put on an Oscar winning performance to them that it was fine as the last thing I wanted was for them to pick up on it and become anxious). I did do a paediatric first aid course and I also learned the difference between gagging and choking (to the untrained eye they look the same). They need to develop their chewing and swallowing skills for obvious reasons. We also gave food off our plate (providing it was one obviously unsuitable for babies). I read in a baby weaning book something like “food under one is for fun” although that garners mixed responses from parents. They can certainly pick up on your anxiety. Perhaps it would help to get yourself a baby weaning book to reassure you, the human race wouldn’t have evolved if we hadn’t allowed our babies to learn to eat independently and while of course choking is a risk there are many steps you can take to mitigate it, it’s not only food humans can choke on even water can choked on, I’m not saying that to alarm you but to put it in perspective if that makes sense. Good luck, believe me when I say I really do know how you feel.

@dementedpixie

Its a stick of carrot that's been steamed so it's soft. It is squishy not hard

Yes, I'm in the US. Thank you for that.

Like anything there is a learning process for your son.
Sit at the table with him soo that he copies you eating. It will give him the idea.
Accept that he won't necessarily take to something the first few times he tries it.
He will make some funny faces and retching noises as he learns to manipulate the food to the back of his tongue.
Don't cajole or bribe but do be positive eg if you and he are both having toast you can exaggeratedly show him how much you are enjoying yours.
You probably know this but a lack of teeth does not hold a baby back from eating pretty well anything .Their gums become very hard.

You can control how soft the veg is by adjusting the cooking time, steaming keeps more of the nutrients from being lost in cooking water. A microwave could do the job too.
Keep trying new things op. It will get better.

Idk, I used common sense and neither baby ever choked on anything. My eldest tried everything we ate including curry and sushi; it all went down well. The approach to food certainly varies between countries and you might want to follow what is usual where you are. We lived between three different countries at the time so had three different lists; sometimes that’s for good reasons (varying levels of some substances in veg between countries) and sometimes it’s just traditional.
In general, I think being overly afraid of things happening to the baby will wear you out over the next few years so you might want to consider asking your own doctor about that.

@CherryRedDMs

Idk, I used common sense and neither baby ever choked on anything. My eldest tried everything we ate including curry and sushi; it all went down well. The approach to food certainly varies between countries and you might want to follow what is usual where you are. We lived between three different countries at the time so had three different lists; sometimes that’s for good reasons (varying levels of some substances in veg between countries) and sometimes it’s just traditional. In general, I think being overly afraid of things happening to the baby will wear you out over the next few years so you might want to consider asking your own doctor about that.

To be clear, I don't think I am overly afraid of things when it comes to my son. I just feel like I am fearful of what I could consider normal things; such as not wanting to catch COVID, enlisting strangers to watch my child (I have worked with children in mental health, I have seen what a friendly trusted stranger can do), or even not wanting him to choke. I think that's normal for a first time mom. :) But my son is very well rounded, this is the first hiccup we've really had with him.. and I'm not sure even if it is a hiccup for him, it's probably just me. It's just something very new and I want to make sure I cover my bases and do it correctly.

@Phoenix76 Thank you for your thoughts :) I'm glad I'm not the only one. Maybe I'll pick up a weaning book! As stated before, I just wanted to make sure I am doing it right. I used to be a professional horse trainer before I went into mental health, and it is engrained in my to put a solid foundation and not leave any holes in training as they grow.. I feel like I am implementing that for my son as I am very well versed in child development. He has reached all of his milestones with flying colors and is a very well rounded baby.

I think I mucked up my poor DS's eating habits by being too anxious and not letting him find his own way with food.
I tried blw at 6 months but he didn't take to it straight away so I stopped and fed him nothing but purees and soft stews from a spoon until he was almost 2. I was overly anxious that he wasn't eating enough so I panicked and shoved that spooned food into him when he might not have wanted it. I know this isn't your worry but the results could be similar.
He's 11 now and he is very fussy. Doesn't like a lot foods with challenging textures and doesn't want to try new things. It took a long time for him to recognise his own hunger cues because I had over-ridden them with him as a baby.
If I could go back and do it again I'd be much more laid back. I'd give him the food we were eating rather than specially made purees so he could get used to regular food.
I read a book about child eating when he was 3 and we have been working on expanding his palate and learning when he is hungry for 8 years now. That could obviously be down to his own personality and your child will be different. He's doing much better with eating but it has been a struggle.
It is my biggest regret as a parent that I didn't know any better at the time.
Like the other posters on here I think you could give him soft finger foods from your own plate and be patient while he explores them. He's at the age where it's unlikely he'll choke.
Very best of luck! Try not to worry too much.

Go big! Offer ribs, chicken drumsticks, mango pits - stuff he can really move around his mouth himself.

Model model model, baby needs to see you eating the foods so he can figure out what to do himself. That might mean you need to change your diet so you can all eat the same things so he can watch you eating. Be SUPER exaggerated, chew with your mouth open. Throw all table manners out of the window. Let him see your teeth biting into the food and moving it around inside of your mouth. Teach him how to spit out a piece of food which is too big - a vital skill especially if you are concerned about choking. Hold your hand under his mouth and encourage him to spit the food into it.

@CherryRedDMsSo I just wanted to apologize for getting a little snippy a couple days ago. Aunt Flo is in town and I was just a little touchy, moody and emotional. I'm sorry.

Thank you, everyone, for your input, I spoke with my step mom and have decided to wait another month and try again. It's been two weeks of him basically refusing to chew anything and showing no interest, and I have come to the conclusion that he is not ready yet. It is a relief, honestly because I was really beating myself up thinking I was doing everything wrong and being an awful mom. I also ordered one of those dechoker things to put my mind at ease so I am more prepared if something does happen.

@FoofOfTheWalkingDeadthank you for the input. I don't plan on keeping him eating purees, just for now because he really does not seem all that interested and I feel like I still have time for that developmental milestone. Also he is a very hungry boy.. I mean, sometimes I wish he would eat more less often lol I think he's going through a growth spurt right now because he can't even make it two hours without screaming at me to eat! I suspect it will subside here in a day or two.

@Pacidove Thank you for that! I will have to keep that in mind when I give it a try again. :)

My first loved meat. She loved to suck on ribs for example. Don't know if this will still be considered ok but she absolutely loved them. And mussels! Might be different advice here in France.

You have left it late to start finger foods also your anxiety of him choking will be pasted on to him if you are not careful. X

Leave it a week only.