One year old a nightmare at mealtimes - help!

[RedPandaFluff]

My little girl just turned one and every single meal is stressful. She squirms in her high chair, throws herself around, refuses to be fed, refuses to feed herself, refuses finger foods . . . over a protracted period of time we must be able to get just enough into her to keep her weight healthy but she's on the small side (30th centile). Generally she'll try a bit of whatever we're offering her and then start screaming and refusing.

I've tried EVERYTHING. Every kind of food from purées to finger foods to what we eat. Games. Different high chairs. Different bowls and cutlery. Pushing her to eat. Accepting that mealtime is over if she doesn't want to eat. Eating in front of her in the hope she'll copy me. Radio on in the background; silence so she can concentrate. Nothing eases the stress and the screams and the protests.

I'm at breaking point - every meal is miserable and sometimes I feel so much anger building inside that I just want to shout at her to just eat FGS.

Any similar experiences? I need help with this

Do you expect a 1 year old to sit and eat her full meal nicely? Honestly?

Oh OP.

You're in for a loooong few years!

This is just what they do! 1 is a baby...literally.

Don't make it stressful. Eat your meals and have her eat at the same time. Let her touch and hold her own food.

When she's restless, you just have to wing it....sing to her while you eat...pull faces....make it fun!

They get there in the end.

Sometimes they can get a bad association into their head, maybe your dd has it with food or your table.

I found mine ate better if they sat on my lap and ate from my plate. Or you could try just leaving a plate of finger food out where she is playing, so she can snack as she goes.

It’s important to have family meal times, but that doesn’t have to be the main source of calories. She can sit with you and enjoy the company at meal times and just get her food through grazing for now.

Hope you find something that works

@FortunesFave sorry, I should have mentioned, this all started 3-4 weeks ago, she used to enjoy her food and mealtimes were fairly civilised, bar the odd restless occasion, which is to be expected. This is a fairly recent development. I'm not talking normal messy baby behaviour, I'm talking distress, screaming, crying etc.

@peapotter I tried a couple of different high chairs, and feeding her in different rooms, and feeding her on DH's lap when he's around; it didn't seem to make a lot of difference. I'd even pretend her food is mine, and offer her a bit on our normal metal cutlery, and she'd be interested in it momentarily and then start flailing and crying again.

I'm listening right now to her screaming as DH is trying to feed her. She should be starving as she's eaten nothing since 1pm - just rubbed her sandwiches into the table and refused her yoghurt etc.

They go through phases, I would make less effort with the food so it’s less annoying when rejected but keep offering.

Don’t react

My 2 year old did this last month it lasted 2 weeks and now he’s eating normally again. But yes I wanted to scream in his face a few times as well 😬

DD is a tricky feeder but has been better since being freed of the restriction of the high chair but I can see you've tried that sort of thing. The other thing that throws her out is teething, could that be what's going on? Won't help right now but if you know it's time-limited it might make it more bearable!

@OverTheRainbow88 I was okay for the first couple of weeks, told myself it's just a phase and will pass, but I feel like it's been going on for so long now.

@Heyha it could be teething at times, but probably not for this long . . . ugh. Who knows.

I think for the sake of my own sanity I'm going to have to try not feeding her when she won't eat, give her finger foods and hope for the best. If her weight drops or plateaus then hopefully I can get some help from the health visitor (who has been useless) or GP.

Thanks everyone . . . I'm so stressed, it's making us both miserable and sucking the joy out of my last couple of weeks of mat leave

They change all the time OP....this is what she's doing now. Might be for some time...definitely don't try to spoon feed her when she's not eating unless she wants it.

They get there in the end.

Hi @RedPandaFluff

Sorry to hear you're having it so hard! I went through this about 3 month's ago with my DD. I'm not really sure what caused it, possibly a bit of a developmental leap or something but it was infuriating!
I lost my cool far too many times and then felt so guilty for being so annoyed at a baby.

My solution was to continue offering her food as normal. I quickly discovered that she didn't resist eating mashed potatoes. So she pretty much just ate mashed potatoes for about 5 weeks and then she just started eating normally again and not being such a d*ck at the table.
I do always notice a correlation between bad meal time's and tiredness. Could your DD be too tired or grumpy to eat in her chair?

I hope you can find something that you dd is willing to eat long enough to sit and be distracted and hopefully she will be back to normal meal times soon!

Hi @Jesssr - thanks for your reply; my failsafe used to be scrambled eggs, but then she decided she didn't like those either . . . 

Funnily enough, she doesn't have any issues with sweet things - specifically chocolate, which we let her have a little bit of now and again!

I'll do my best to grit my teeth and push through, @FortunesFave . . . I'm just hoping that it's not sensory issues or something that's making her reject lumps and spit so much out!

Everything is a phase at that age. I'd forget the high chair. Leave food within reach and/ or sit with her on your lap. Let her get up and down from your lap and don't make a battle of it. A new phase will soon come along forget messy food for a while

Sorry you're going through this. If her weight and growth are normal for her, and you've got no reason to think she's in pain when she eats, then like others have said - this is likely a passing phase (if not, though, go back to GP).

I know it feels so intense now, but if you can, look to the longer term with a view to helping her overcome this and come out the other side as relaxed and open about food as possible. A regular feeding schedule, no pressure to eat, keeping offering a variety of foods (even if she doesn't eat them) and not offering chocolate or other sweets as an alternative, and eating alongside her (trying your best to stay calm!) are the best strategies for helping her avoid fussy eating in the long term. And messy food play outside of regular meals and snacks, looking at food pictures and playing with toy food could all help too, especially if she's started to feel stressed or anxious about food. Really all the very best