How to stop breastfeeding (at night ) boob dependent 16 month old

[Kulps]

Hello,
I have a 15.5 month old girl. I long ago stopped bf in the day - she really wasn't too bothered after solids, but I have always bf to sleep for bed time and naps. She was waking 1 or 2 times in the night and I'd again nurse her to sleep and put in cot. We have a spare bed in her room and sometimes I also nurse her there - if she is unwell, teething or its the 3rd night waking and i am knackered of getting up and down we sometimes end up sleeping there together. Recently she is waking up more, 3 or 4 times, possibly this is nightmares or overtired - she is a super active little bunny right now.
I'm getting tired out, she doesnt accept her dad going in. Last night we tried this on the 3rd waking and she got really upset and after half an hour of tears i went in and co-slept with her. I feel so guilty writing this as feel I am making bad habits. But how do I stop bfing her. My thoughts are:

• dad currently does halve the bedtime routine and then i go in and nurse at the end. I am thinking of going out for the evening - saying goodbye so she knows i'm not available and letting dad put her to bed with a bottle

I think I'd keep doing usual nursing to sleep on night wakings and for nap time hile we got this routine down for a few nights, hoping that she would start to self soothe in the night. The other option is to work on the night wakings first. Anyone have any stories to share about how to go about stopping bfing (to sleep) and reducing night wakings? I should add i'd like her to sleep in her crib and dont really want to encourage the co-sleeping.

My DS gets fed before being put down in his cot. He then has a hissy fit before calming down and sleeping.

He still wakes up during the night but I offer him his cup of squash and repeat as necessary.

I felt exactly the same regarding guilt. But the truth is that I can't function with co-sleeping anymore.

How long is she feeding for at each wake?

If you think it's just comfort she wants (which I imagine it is at her age) then I would suggest trying to extend the length of time you wait before going into her.
My daughter was very similar but responded well to us not going straight to her (unless her cries were real cries rather than just shouts of complaint).
I was told by a sleep consultant that it takes between 10-15mins for a 9-10month old to resettle themselves (it seems to be less for my daughter who is the same as your dd is now) - though this could just be because she had got used to doing it.

Also how does she settle at the beginning of the night? We found that getting Dad to read a story and put her in her cot after she had been fed gave enough of a break between feeding and going to sleep that she was then capable of putting herself to sleep. It took a while but we did a parent present method so my husband sat by the cot reassuring her when needed until she fell asleep for the first three nights then he moved to the end of the cot (so out of sight but still close) then to the door then out of the door (3nights each stage). It sounds harder than it is and was so worth it as now we can put her in her cot and leave the room straight away - she will sometimes go straight to sleep and other times play with her bunny comforter for maybe 5mins then fall asleep.

I know you mentioned that dad going in didn't help - I know the feeling but honestly it is worth persevering with in order to cut the association with you. It will be a painful few nights but they learn very quickly my dd was awful with dad the first two night and on the third she got the idea that she wasn't getting mummy so when dad went in she literally looked at him the laid back down and put herself back to sleep (we couldn't believe it). In fact now on the rare occasions she does wake she is much happier when dad goes in rather than me (big bonus).

Sorry for the long post. Hope you get some more sleep soon.

Also please don't feel guilty (easier said than done I know having been there) but I can honestly say that night weaning our daughter was one of the best things for her as she is so much happier now that she is getting a good nights sleep fairly consistently (we do still have the odd bad night but it's nothing compared with how she used to be) if she is ill I would still go in and comfort her as I know they need it but you are doing the right thing for both of you.

Oh boy. Watching with interest as I'm in a similar situation

Thank you for the replies. @thinkingaboutthinking19 she is usually awake for 20 -30 mins. she just nurses herself back off to sleep and i put her in the crib. Unless of course she is teething then she wakes for much longer and i do whatever to get her to sleep - usually end up sleeping next to her on the spare bed.

Its good to hear dad going in worked for you. I have thought up a little plan to start on this. In fact last night was quite interesting because for the first time in months i managed to get her to sleep after a cuddle and sitting by the cot 'shhhing' her to sleep (without nursing). At the moment i usually go in and nurse her after dada does the first part of bedtime, so I think if I cut out the boob altogether and dont go in after story time with dada, she will really kick off with him as just be waiting for me to go in (and I'll also find this really tough), so we're going to change up the routine in steps. After bath, dadas going to hand her over to me and I'm going to read story and nurse her and put her down slightly awake. Then I'm going to use the technique you mention of staying in the room till she falls asleep. Hopefully after a few nights of this, she will get to grips with putting herself to sleep. Then I'm going to get daddy to do the whole thing with a sippy cup.
If this goes smoothly we may then bring the sippy cup up to before bathtime. This might be quite far in the future, but it may prevent her waking up with wet nappies to have a break before sleeping and time to pee before bedtime.
Once I've got dadda doing the complete bedtime I'll get him to go in for the night wakings too. If we need to go in, but usually i do as she just doesnt resettle on her own, but that may change when she is getting herself off to sleep at the start of the night.

Hopefully that sounds logical? ! I would just let dada do it now but I think she will be really angry and confused as we have such a system now of me completing the bedtime routine with nursing her off to sleep.

@Kulps Just wondering how you're getting on if you don't mind me asking! In the same boat with my 17 month old DS. I managed to cut the last feed out and Pat him to sleep for 2 weeks but then he started becoming hysterical at bedtime so we've gone back to feeding to sleep Desperate to stop bf now!

Thanks for asking. Some good progress but we've had a busy time and visitors for we are kind of on hold with it just now.
Currently I am breastfeeding for a short time then putting her down awake and patting
, shhhhing her a little and staying in the room till she falls to sleep. This seems to have refused her night wakings. She only wakes once or not at all. Let's hope it lasts!