OK, I've thought about this every which way, and still don't think it's a good idea to give sweets and chocolates to an under-one

[welliemum]

Have seen few AIBU threads recently on the topic and there's a pattern here. The OP in these threads is complaining because their mum or MIL is giving the baby sweets or chocs.

Lots of people then say, yes, YABU, because

• a few sweets won't harm the baby
• grandparents love to give babies treats
• babies love sweet stuff

... and I agree with all of that.

BUT - there's one problem with giving babies even a little bit of sweet stuff, and that's the question of teaching their taste buds about sweetness.

"In the wild" - neolithic times which is as far as we've physically evolved - the sweetest food available would have been fruit. So it's easy to see why babies would have a sweet tooth and would want sweet things whenever available.

But now we've worked out how to purify the sugar in plants to make food which is intensely sweet, a sweetness never found in natural food. And it's available all day every day.

And (the real issue for me), this stuff is far sweeter than the natural sweetness of fruit. If you eat a slice of choccy cake and then a plum, the plum will taste quite tart.

So I do worry that giving babies sweet stuff will reset their taste buds to the sweeter end of the spectrum. I've definitely noticed with my 2 that they went off fruit for a bit after encountering biscuits.

It means you can't just let babies eat whever they want nowadays - they won't naturally eat a healthy diet because they're "wired" to go for sweet stuff and the sweet stuff we have isn't good for them in huge quantities.

I know there's a lot of luck involved here, but dd2 has just turned 1 and she really enjoys eating fruit and sweet potato, and I can't help wondering if part of that's because it tastes sweet to her as it's pretty much the sweetest food she knows.

Sorry, very long winded and boring, but I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same, ie that this is an area where "everything in moderation" doesn't necessarily work.

Anyone?

(I'm specifying under-ones by the way, because I think this only works while they're too young to notice what other children eat. After that, IMO, it's cruel to withold things that they see others eating.)

Message withdrawn

I totally agree but unfortunately am guilty of letting DS have the odd little bit of biscuit or cake if I'm eating one (because I can't ignore the pitiful begging). He has gone off fruit a bit recently, but I think that's more down to the texture than the taste. He still loves some bought fruit purees that I think are pretty tart.

Well I'm a bit yes and no here having had anorexia in my twenties and issues with food and my weight since puberty.

I agree that in under ones - where they don't know what they are missing out on (!) - they should have an extremely healthy diet as we should all make the most of them not being old enough for pester power. That said I don't get in a tizz over what the grandparents give because it is an occasional treat. I've seen my DS polish off some trifle in a way i've never seen him eat food before when he's been with my parents. However my grandmother also successfully put me and my 2 sisters off cream and sugar by force-feeding us this as "a special treat" whenever we stayed with her.

When DS is old enough to understand what other kids eat then I will probably remove the recent notice at nursery "no sweet or salty foods", until then I don't think it unreasonable. But surely grandparents have a little lee'way to spoil - it just depends how much is acceptable to you.

My nephew's first taste of sweet things was at his first birthday party when he got some cake. The look on his face was absolutely priceless.

He still doesn't get many sweet things but the pain now is that he wants some whenever there's sweet stuff about and can no longer get fobbed off with a yummy (bleugh) rice cake...

So, I'll certainly be holding off for a while if only for an easy life . When they're tiny it's far easier to go along with they'll never miss what they've never had. Plenty of time for them to have sweets.

Yes, it is marginally healthier for small babies not to have sweets, I'm sure. And fruit is healthier than Sherbert Dip Dabs. But it's not true that in neolithic times babies would taste nothing sweeter than fruit. Breastmilk is very sweet indeed! I think we are 'wired' to go for sweet stuff (and fatty stuff, and food in large quantities in general) by nature, not nurture. Nature hasn't quite caught up with the fact that nowadays we live in a world full of food and lovely gadgets and so we get fatter and fatter!

I agree with you to an extent. I don't think under ones care either way about getting chocolate or sweets so why provide them?
However, (and I know this isn't what you are really talking about), at 3 DS knows that chocolate biscuits exist at grandma's house, but are not available at home. I don't think having a chocolate biscuit once in a blue moon does a toddler/older child much harm.

I agre with you on the "under ones" front. I was teased/berated for being strict with my DSs about this and it got me so cross! There is no need whatsoever to give sweets etc to babies - likewise juice when water or milk will do.

YANBU at all and I know several people who would agree with you!

Oh, I meant to say, it's not a personal issue for me about grandparents - our 3 living parents are all very far away so the issue has never arisen.

I think why this strategy has worked so nicely for us is that for dd2 (and dd1 when she was that age), a ripe peach is a sweet - but a "sweet" she can eat all day long if she wants to (mostly she doesn't).

dd1 (2.9) has completely grasped that there are things we eat every day and things we eat less often, but hasn't yet started to question that [dread].

So for now, there are no food rules in her world, no "good" and "bad" (but nice) foods, and I'm keen to keep that going as long as possible,

oops, was going to say, of course Aloha's right, breastmilk is very sweet, and I'm sure that's part of the reason they're programmed to like sweetness.

I have only read the OP and you are soooooo right. With my DS (who doesn't eat properly now) I was sort of coralled into giving him jars of muck. Lots of puds from Heinz. He is a dreadful eater. I was also giving him stuff from about 3.5 months. This time I am taking it slowly but dd (is 25 weeks) is getting everything pureed and frozen, if she doesn't like it she can have more milk. She will not see a chocolate button or a milky bar button EVER. I was taken in by well meaning friends. Never again. She will delight in the tastes of spinach broccoli and green beans, not all at the same time of course.

I only started weaning her today on pureed pear and sweet potato, she absolutely loved it. Both at different times, just a tiny spoonful.

no blue cheese, ucm? i am disappointed...

"She will not see a chocolate button or a milky bar EVER"

Blimey. Do you mean that?

You know I was made to feel like I was really strange as well (by DH as much as anyone) which is why I have ended up giving in a bit. Like DS's first time at nursery when I was informed he'd had stewed apple and custard for pudding. I stipulated there and then no more sugary things, but I have ended up backing down after I kept hearing "oh we didn't give A the x - he had yoghurt). I felt sorry for DS, as well as feeling rather embarassed, so I gave in. I regret it now.

UCM, that is fab but it gets a whole lot harder when they go to parties, etc. Even playgroups give out sweets. So difficult!

Nope, everyone gave me advice when weaning DS and they were a bit wrong (I wasn't on here asking for advice in those days, I took it from relatives). I will kill anyone including DH who bought Farleys rusks the other day, if they give her anything I haven't said yes to. This is why I need a new freezer because I am going back to work soon and need to have meals in place that I have cooked otherwise DS will live on toast and fry ups See my freezer thread if you are interested.

You need to have a child who doesn't eat because in my honest opinion wasn't given the right food the first time around before you can tell me off. It WAS MY FAULT.

This time I am being totally different. Please tell me I am not wrong

One good thing that DH did was take the sugary coating off my cakes and eat them, DS ate the sugary coating but not the cake..............Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

UCM, don't blame yourself. Kids are just different. My children have eaten sweets and chocolates from a very young age (I'm not boasting, I am lazy, I admit it) - the first food ds ever tasted was chocolate muffin! Yet they aren't really fussy. Dd wolfs down broccoli, ds loves asparagus in lemon mayonnaise. I didn't make this happen. My dd (2) is also mad about chocolate buttons, but slim and energetic and the very picture of health. Ds (5) is a healthy weight too.
I think we blame ourselves too often.

UCM, I think you're being hard on yourself, I think there's a huge amount of luck involved in "good eaters".

Your plan sounds great though! Am going to nosy about your freezer thread for ideas!

The more good food you give them and the more enthusiastic you are about it, and the more they join in with buying/growing/preparing/cooking it, the better they will eat. It gives them a fantastic start and builds great habits. They may also want shite when they are older, but less than if they had been given it all the time.
I am so proud that my ds1 tried a cheesestring recently (he had wanted to try one for ages) and hated it - said it tasted of rubber. He also rejects some foods as being too sweet. Admittedly, he does enjoy horrid sweets when he comes across them, but he also eats mountains of fruit habitually and gets excited about cabbage and leeks.

My dd loves olives, my ds is passionate about blue cheese. And cake

Really hoping I don't sound smug because I really am not and have had agonies with fussy eating as well.

Having a child with any kind of special needs makes you realise there is stuff they are just born with. You can help them, but they are their own person. For example, my DD is very physically able, but I didn't make her like that, she just is, just as my ds is dsypraxic. If I'd had her first, I'd probably boast about how I'd made her so physically confident

Thank you very much for your replies, but I think I will pursue this a little further. My BF said to me 10/10 for doing stuff to get him to eat properly.

She was talking about yoghurt ice lollies. She also told me I was demented.