Problem with family and weaning baby

[Mimsey]

Every time I visit MIL I need a few days to recover from all of the comments about the way I do things. Everything from how I dress my baby to how I feed my baby is wrong in her eyes. Over the Easter weekend I reached my limit. I found her feeding my baby and another baby from the same spoon and same bowl, and worse they also had a drink from the same sippy cup. I exploded. After I voiced my concerns MIL started feeding them from separate spoons from the same bowl. I was advised to introduce new foods every three days and this specific day my baby was already introduced to blueberries (by me) as well as a meat purée (by MiL). I was advised to introduce chicken after two weeks. My MIL didn't seem to care about my concerns, sharing is caring, and she is enjoying the food. I'm worried about what can happen if this keeps happening behind my back. I don't want to put my baby at risk of cavities or upset stomach from introducing too many foods. And I am uncomfortable with the idea of sharing spoons. I think I just need someone to complain to as my husband doesn't seem to care about any of this.

How old is your baby? Why have you been advised that way about introducing certain foods? And who is the other baby?

The general part about her criticising everything you do is annoying, no doubt, however this meal incident seems quite over the top on your part. Separate spoons yes, but why the insistance on waiting certain lengths of time before introducing new foods? Are there allergies that run in your family?

Personally I think that 'exploding' because your baby was being fed from the same spoon is an overreaction. My 7 month old will share toys with friends when out and about and all they do is drool all over them so that's similar.

I think YANBU about her giving the baby food you don't want introducing, that is your choice of what you feed your child.

Sounds like this is the final straw because she's been overly critical in the past but I don't think she's really done anything too bad here

I've never heard of such strict guidelines on how many new foods to introduce within a certain number of days

I've never heard of rules about introducing new foods, but my youngest is eight so perhaps things have changed. Which is what I was going to say to you to say to her!

"Is that how they used to do it when yours were babies? Now they tell you x.y.z. It's funny how much things have changed'

I would just let her know you have things under control. Say 'I'm going to feed bob at 11.30' then feed him at 11.30. Don't give her a chance to take over things that you want to do yourself.

I think you are letting things get under your skin too much.

Use the time at your in laws house to go for a walk or read a magazine .
Or just don't go, let dh bring her and you stay home.

This is two seperate issues. You are right to not want anyone telling you what to do with your child. You can be upset about that. But to 'explode' over this particular issue (unless it is the straw that broke the camels back) is a bit over the top, and your explanations show a bit of over anxiety about food and hygiene. Although you don't say how old your baby is, post 6 months they can have meat, wheat and dairy, and there is no reason to introduce new foods every 3 days unless possibly you have some very severe allergies in the family and you do this to 'observe' the reactuon if there was anything. It does not harm a normal healthy child to have more than one food a day, my DS had a mixture of foods in one meal at first, crumpets with butter and fruit, some mince and veg and pasta etc. It's fine, it doesn't ruin digestion and the cavities thing isn't sonething I've heard! If you baby has teeth, clean them, other than that how does meat or two foods in a day cause cavities? Also as a PP said, if you've been to a baby group and your baby has handled and chewed toys other babies have, eating from the same bowl is fine, nothing harmful! if you have such stringent rules then you better not let anyone be involved with feeding, but I'd advise you to have a read of stuff about Baby led weaning etc if it helps you see a more relaxed way. But again, your baby your rules, if that's the way you want to do it then be firm, but I think its a bit cruel to indicate to her she's ruining your babies health by giving more than one food, because she's not. If your baby is under 6 months and can only have fruit and veg then be firm about that too.

What does your dp day? He should draw boundaries with his mum.

My husband always agrees with his mum, even if she is clearly wrong. She tried to feed me livers and kidneys while I was pregnant, she thought it was good for the baby. I tried to tell her that it's old knowledge, but she knows best. Her intentions are good and she really cares about the baby, she just always wants things to be done her way.

My baby was born premature with stomach and kidney problems. Everything seems to have resolved itself now, however she does have a bit of a sensitive stomach. I was told to initially feed her one meal (100-120ml per serving) then to increase it to two meals. I'm not sure what is normally advised. Now she is 7 months. She is having 2 meals a day, but a little smaller than the recommended serving. And she drinks around 400ml of formula and she is breastfed about two or three times a day.

I don't have any allergies, but members of my family do, and my mother is lactose intolerant. None of which I think the baby has. I was advised to introduce new foods every three days (can be mixed with ingredients she has had before). So far almost everything I fed her has been okay, except for the sweet potatoes and apples. I was just advised to wait a few weeks before feeding them to her again. I emailed my health visitor and she said it is just a precaution so if there is a reaction from any food we can identify what caused the problem easier. So I don't need to worry about the baby eating meat too much.

But it still really bothers me that two babies were eating from the same spoon. (My 7 month old and a 10 month old). I am also uncomfortable with the idea of babies sharing the same teething toys, I try to pretend I didn't see, and sometimes I remove the toy. I'm not going to a baby group, so I haven't had this problem a lot.

Ive read articles saying that the bacteria that causes cavities can be transmitted thru saliva, especially sharing eating utensils. This isn't really a problem now, as my baby doesn't have any teeth. I see it as a potential future problem as I'm sure this will happen again when I'm not around.

With all kindness, you're over thinking things. Especially about sharing spoons.

It also sounds like you are overly strict about new foods but if that is how you want to do it and have been advised to, then others should do their best to go along with that.

But really, dial it down with your reaction. She was feeding the baby not poisoning it.

The 3 day rule only applies for egg, seafood/fish, cow milk products, nuts, gluten - If there is a history of allergy. If you're being ultra cautious "meat" (as in all types) too.

I've noticed American websites and some books are very cautious but it is always worded in such a way as to sound like it's more litigation culture than clinical fact. I'm also reminded of my stay in LA where they sold germ sanitiser for fruit as washing it wasn't enough.

In fact yhere is growing evidence the sooner after 6 months these foods are eaten regularly the less the likelihood of allergy.

...fwiw I am an allergy sufferer and have anxiety specifically triggered by feeding baby. So if I think the advice is too cautious then a regular person would/should be researching and questioning it for sure! Try Annabelle Karmel or BLW ... They are the 2 "popular" weaning methods.

Do you allow your baby to play with others and share toys? That enabled me to relax about germs - dd had already chewed naice relatively clean NCT wooden toys which others had touched at cafes and play sessions. Hence a clean not sterile bowl was nothing new.

I have never heard anything about a child sucking something that another child has causing cavities! I really think googling random bizarre articles is not your friend here, there is so much stuff which is really not important or relevant to bringing up a healthy baby. Your baby will be fine if they share spoons, with our without teeth. It sounds as if the early problems your DD experienced have caused you some anxiety, which is natural, but what you fear is normal baby behavior and weaning. Your MiL may be over involved (but, as you say she's caring, so hold onto that) but she's not gone anything in this case that could harm your DD. Perhaps going to some baby groups could help you speak to other mothers?