Help with weaning - what am I doing wrong?!

[KitKat1985]

Hello all.

DD is 6.5 months (so still young I know). We starting trying to wean at 23 weeks as she was showing all the signs of being ready (no tongue-thrust reflux, holding her head unaided when sitting, bringing objects to her mouth, etc). Plus she was watching us like a hawk every time we ate something with desperate longing. However 5 weeks in it's proving very frustrating. Most of the time we offer her anything on a spoon she just clamps her mouth shut and won't even try it. If we try and pop some in her mouth (e.g, when she's distracted by a toy) she gets upset and starts crying. We decided therefore maybe to try more of a BLW approach with finger foods etc but she just plays with them and makes no attempt to eat anything. I know it's still early days and 'food under 1 is mainly just for fun' but I'm worried I'm doing something wrong. We're doing a bit of BLW and spoon feeding now and I'm not sure how to encourage her to eat and I'm getting a lot of conflicting advice. E.G, one health visitor told us we needed to 'push her' a bit more now that she has turned 6 months (quite how I don't know) and another health visitor said to not worry and just let her play with food. We've tried a variety of foods now - vegetables, fruit, yogurt, baby porridge, pureed baby meals (pureed spag bol, cottage pie, etc) and finger foods like cucumber slices and bread sticks (N.B: we waited until she was 6 months before giving anything that wasn't fruit / veg or baby porridge) and she just seems disinterested in all of it. Friends with similar age babies keep telling me how much their kids are loving eating this and that and it's just making me wonder that I must be doing something wrong. I've tried to make mealtimes fun (e.g, playing toys with her whilst she is in her highchair) but that's not helping. We also leave a gap between milk feeds and offering solids do that's she should be peckish (but not to the extent that she's upset and hungry). She just clamps her mouth shut and that's it. Nothings helping. She's having about 1000-1200mls of formula per day on average. Should I purposefully try and cut her milk down a bit?

I would go with second midwife and let her play with food. How can you 'push' a 6 mo to eat? do you Let her play with the spoon herself, I found dd wanted to do it herself - no interest in being spoonfed - we usually had a spoon each so she could pretend she was doing it herself.
Weaning was complete nightmare with ds. I was so jealous watching mums in cafes spooning jars into perfect offspring. I did everything I could think of.
In retrospect I think I should have been more relaxed. Learning to eat is not really about nutrition yet as they get all they need from milk, so if they only eat one spoonful or less in a day its not a problem. They just need to learn how to eat so let her do it inher own time. Whenshe has a growth spurt and appetite increases perhaps she will be more interested.

Yep, just let her practice. You're doing nothing wrong. DS is 6.5m and although when he's in the mood he feeds himself really well (BLW with finger foods and loaded spoons), if he's not in the mood he's just not and won't eat. That's fine by me - generally he'll at least play with it a bit and experience the texture etc. They'll get there in the end :) and when he does manage to feed himself its way more impressive than a baby that lets themself be spoon fed

It sounds like you have a spoon refuser. You can't force feed a baby and tbh do you want to? Just put food in front of her and let her feed herself. It is hard to trust that she will do it but she will. It is my second time with a spoon refuser so I know what to expect. And don't compare your DD with those who love spoon feeding. It will just make your sad. Just remember you aren't the only mum with problem and we survived.

My only question with the food you give is. Are they easy to eat for a 6mo? The have very little skill at this age. Have you tried the organix carrot sticks? They are ljke really fat fingers and I have found they are the easiest shape and size for very young babies to feed themselves. You can make your own food like meatballs into that shape too.

Thank you for your replies. I've found them reassuring! Yes she will very occasionally take something off a spoon (like some yogurt) but she's very fussy so normally she'll have a couple of small licks then she'll be done. She does seem more interested in finger foods but only because she views them as toys I think (she doesn't eat them). I think the finger foods I'm offering are okay for her to hold - slices of cucumber, breadsticks, bits of veg etc. I'm just trying to offer lots of variety and see how she goes. What are the thoughts on offering her something else if she refuses what she's initially offered? Is it a good idea or am I just encouraging her to be fussy?

I would say she is far too young to both be dropping milk or 'being fussy'. If she's not refusing veg/fruit purely to get to the yoghurt then you have nothing to lose by offering an alternative.

For what it is worth neither DC1 or DC4 were interested in food until they were 7 months. With DC1 I panicked, stressed and watched other mums and babies enviously. She then suddenly started eating te food she was playing with and letting me spoon stuff in. It meant we skipped the boring puréed veg bit and went straight to more interesting meals.

With DC4 I rejoiced in her lack of interest! Bfeeding her was much more convenient and easy! I just kept occasionally trying her with bits from the older children's plates until she took to it. 7 months spot on...

Sounds like you are doing all the right things by trying a bit of both approaches. Try not to compare her to other children or get stressed about it, she'll pick up on your tension. Oh and maybe don't overwhelm her with choice each 'meal' time, couple of options and let her go with it.

Are you eating with her? I would try to always have someone eating something around her so she gets to see what other people are doing. I think offering a variety is a good idea - I used to roast a whole tray of different veg sticks (potato, squash, parsnip, peppers, carrots, mini corn etc) then freeze them so I could easily defrost a few at a time to give DS a selection to try at each meal. I would put maybe some veg, some breadsticks, softened apple wedges and a bit of chicken and let her play with all of them.

I think it was about 8 months before DS had enough to' eat' that his nappies changed so it does take a while to get going in my experience.

Please relax, it can be a really fun time so don't get too worried, what you are doing sounds perfect.

It is difficult not to stress when they're not eating much. Reading up on BLW really helped me understand the process, and they really do get all they need from milk until 1. Not all babies are gonna be ready at the same time. Stick with it, and enjoy it if you can. My dd is 8months and has come on leaps and bounds lately, it's great to watch. And yy to the Organix carrot sticks

Thank you all. We had some marginal success tonight and she enjoyed sucking on a cucumber slice, so I guess that's progress! x

I'm another one who agrees with the second health visitor.

Health visitors do vary in their outlooks... You sound as if you are a highly conscientious mum who has read a vast amount about all this, and has listened to lots of conflicting advice. You are clearly a loving, concerned sort of mum, and you know your baby better than anyone, so do what YOU think best!

For goodness sake, this is not a competition! When your baby is much older, and doing her GCSEs, nobody will care how old she was when she first picked up a piece of toast on her own. Ignore all those boastful mothers who tell you how amazing their own babies are (we all think our own babies are completely amazing!)

If it's any comfort, I had similar stresses about DS1, who refused to eat at the same time as the children of my friends. He has multiple food allergies, so I felt the like the worst mother in the world for failing to feed him properly. I tried everything, and got ridiculously upset. However, with DS2, I was much more chilled out. His first food was a deep fried chip that he grabbed from his brother's plate in a bikers cafe. Some days he eats, some days he doesn't, and I don't even bother to have him weighed with the HV, because he looks absolutely fine to me and is clearly thriving in every way.

Good luck to you and your baby!