Feeling desperate at 12 month old not eating - reassurance pleeease!

[GaryWilmotsWedding]

Hi all,

My dd is just about to turn one. She started off as an excellent breast feeder but began to get a bit tricky at about 4 months. I limped on until 5.5 months and then made the switch to formula. She quickly put on weight after dropping down the centiles a bit. We began weaning at 6 months and it was not the immediate hit I expected. She began refusing a spoon at about 8 months so we switched completely to finger foods. She has always looked fairly interested in the food I put out and will sometimes (perhaps 1 in 5 times) wolf it down, but for about 3 months now most food goes in and then gets spat out. She has become less and less interested in milk and now just drinks about 300mls, max 400 a day. I put off weighing her until last night as I knew she was getting thinner and I didn't want to obsess over it, but I was shocked to discover she is several hundred grams lighter than her 9 month check. I can't force her to eat or drink, I am just so completely exhausted at having to try (and fail) to get food or milk in her every day. DH thinks I am crazy and cannot understand the visceral nature of my feelings, saying she is fine and isn't going to die etc. I know the best thing I can do is relax, but I am finding it so distressing watching her clothes get baggier. Does anyone have any good news stories that might help me keep calm?! Thanks ladies

I don't have a hood news story but can't believe someone is going through the exact same problem I'm going through right now. My DD is 11 months and for the last month or two has begun to get very fussy with her food. Like you I tried the finger foods/snacks, didn't change the food I gave her because I'm aware you shouldn't force too many different foods on her at once. She'll eat her corn snacks (Organixs) and carrot sticks and fruit pouches fine but if I feed her porridge, or anything like that she has about 3/4 spoons and then fusses. I even let her hold the spoon and guide it to her mouth but that doesn't work.

I get so frustrated that sometimes I don't have the energy to sit down and see if she'll want more, and just put the food away and get a bottle ready. She'll drink that no problem. Its getting to the point where I'm pulling out my hair now. I tried toast this morning and she had two pieces then started to spit the last bits out. I really had to compose myself.

Ugh. I thought this would be easy!!!

So I understand your pain and will keep watching this thread for any useful tips!

Thanks **SycamoreMum...I know it doesn't help you but it's good to know it's not just me! I am a pretty level headed person normally...I don't know why but this particular issue seems to get the better of me! I feel like I'm going mad at times. I don't know what I think is going to happen....but I just get soooo panicked. I wish my dd would drink milk instead. I just keep thinking surely she'll get to the point where she starts gobbling stuff up, but although she might do that for a day or two, she's then back to refusing. Her leggings are actually baggy at the waist now

Not that I'm good at this or anything but have you tried mash potatoes with like a tomato sauce? My DD can manage a little more with that one before kicking off.

DM thinks maybe it her teeth coming through thats making her cranky. Shes also very old school and told me to put the food in front of her and if she ate then she ate, if she didn't then she would when she was hungry enough. And I wasn't to offer the bottle (shocked) Like you I'm scared she'll waste away!

Try not to let this get the better of you, i know easier said than done but lets just think positive and say, "One day we won't be able to get their heads out of the fridge!"

You are quite right! I'm just used to her being a chubby little thing and to see that she has actually lost weight has made me lose it a bit. I was managing to keep quite calm (for a few weeks!) before that but this seems to have sent me bananas!

Mash is quite successful if she feels like eating, but just gets a quick lick off a finger more times than not! I normally cook all her food and she has previously really liked the little fish cakes I made her so thought if do some for tea. I just didn't have the energy to watch her waste food I've made today so I bought some. She was fussing so I was holding her as I put them in the oven. She shoved her hand in the middle and ate a fist full of raw salmon but would she eat it cooked? Of course not! My DH and I absolutely love food and cooking - mealtimes are very happy times in our house - so I (naively) expected my dd would feel the same. I hope I can take the piss out of myself some day for freaking out so much....

I've never heard of a baby starving itself so have to conclude she is just finding her 'correct' weight and I need to let that happen. Learning to trust your baby is not always easy is it?!

They seem to be like dogs and can sense fear! Me being relaxed does have an immediate positive effect on her and visa versa. Unfortunately she seems to know when I am faking the smiles etc! How I do not know, but it is pretty clever.

Ugh. So bored/frustrated/tired of this issue!

I am going through similar although my DS luckily has lots of milk ( at night though :(

I have another thread going now about how we're getting on. Anyway I just came here to recommend the book 'my child won't eat' by Carlos Gonzales. It has amazing reviewd and it's really helping me try to keep calm about the whole thing. Am recommending it to all my friends!

Try offering snacks regularly, if she is picking at small amounts of food throughout the day she will take in a good amount overall. It's not a long term solution but it might help stop the weight loss.

Do you have a supportive HV? It might be worth talking through your concerns and seeing if they have any new ideas. They could also point you in the direction of additional help if necessary.

ME TOO! You are not alone!

I came onto the weaning pages to start a similar thread and then saw yours :-)

My DD has just turned 1. She loves food, but just doesn't love eating food. She mushes it with her fingers, wipes it off her highchair, feeds it to everyone else at the table and very occasionally put some in her mouth... only to spit it straight out again.

She has always refused a spoon so we did BLW. It started off okish and has gradually diminished to almost nothing. I've been chilled about it until now but am starting to stress.

Just to add, in case it gives you a few ideas to help:

Things that she does occasionally agree to eat are tiny snacky things that dissolve quickly in the mouth - Ella Kitchen Puffits and Multigrain Nibbles, and plain puffed wheat breakfast cereal. She eats them herself sometimes and will also let me pop a few in her mouth.

I've also discovered in the last couple of days that she's more amenable to eating something if we're out walking in the pushchair. Obviously this doesn't really help with mealtimes as they can't exactly be had on the go, but when you're desperate (as I am and it sounds like you are!), any food eaten is a small triumph!

Hello everyone! Sorry for the woefully late reply. DD got a vomiting bug from nursery and then kindly shared it with me. I started back at work today and both she and I are looking very lean! It's been a revolting and very tiring week. I could do with the house being fumigated and I think I have washed our entire carpets in 1001.

Anyway, I wanted to thank you so much for your replies. Not feeling like a mad lonely person helps soooo much. I had a good look in her mouth yesterday and saw what looks like the start of molars which I guess could be the cause of this current refusal. I also started reading 'My Child Won't Eat' and have found it really reassuring. I've tried lots of new tactics, including sitting her in her floor seat in the lounge and having a carpet picnic together. I've also been putting tiny amounts of food her her tray at a time, which does seem to help. She is not consuming anything like the amount I would say she 'should' be, and I doubt enough to put on weight, but I as I said previously, I simply cannot force her to eat. I previously managed to get lots of yoghurt into her by distracting her with a toy, and she promptly vomited it all up, plus the small amount she had eaten before that, so I will never, ever do that again. I felt truly horrendous.

MrsCakesPrecognitionisSwitched - I have a nice but pretty useless HV. They simply tell me what sort of amounts she should be eating and drinking and to try and make her have that . I asked when I need to take action (i.e. to the docs etc) and she said if DD appeared 'moribund'. I don't think she should use the word if she doesn't know what it means....

I can't see a magic answer. I keep hoping she'll just click and suddenly get it. But maybe she does - and she is already getting what she needs. Perhaps the problem is just me, not her at all?!

BinToHellAndBack - your DD sounds exactly like mine. She is interested in food and likes playing with it, does not seem afraid of mealtimes etc. But just won't EAT it! I have found much more success with things that disintegrate or dissolve quickly, or with very wet textures. Dry things like bread are pretty hopeless. I make these little potato croquettes for her which are often the only thing she will eat. Mashed potato mixed with Annabel Karmel's popeye pasta sauce (spinach, philly and Parmesan) and rolled in fine bread crumbs. Baked if she's actually doing a bit of eating at the time or fried in butter for the extra cals if she's not. I make them the sort of shape and size of an adult finger and she seems quite comfortable with that. Maybe your DD would go for those? I like them because they have calcium and cals from the cheese, iron from the spinach and starch from the pots, so they are relatively rounded nutritionally!

Thanks again ladies, and sorry for the mammoth post...

So glad I found this topic-was about to start a thread! Sorry to read about all your non-eaters but nice to know there are others in a similar boat.

My 13mo was a spoon refuser in the beginning so I went down the blw route. She now allows me to spoon feed her breakfast (weetabix etc) and things like soup and occasionally sloppier dinners but since around 10 months has, in my opinion, got fussy about eating. She used to try lots of different things but recently hardly eats anything. She generally does v well at breakfast but today was a good example of what at least half the week is like-a few teaspoonfuls of soup, 2 tiny bites of bread and 1/2 a banana for lunch , 2 mouthfuls of cooked tea. She's not ill but is teething, however today she hasn't seemed bothered by it like other days. I'm particularly worried that she's not getting enough iron but she refuses to take vitamins with iron in ( I started her on abidec at 6 months and recently tried to swap to well baby but she won't take them ). She's currently having around 500ml cows milk a day which I know is great, I just thought babies/toddlers would need more sustenance due to how active they are!

I'd be interested to know at what age do you start bringing in the whole "no pudding if you don't eat your dinner" thing and "that's what's for tea, eat it or go hungry"??
My brothers kids are awful eaters but the parents have always chosen to either ask them what they want for dinner (resulting in 3 different meals being cooked) or giving them something unhealthy to eat late in the evening because they're too hungry to sleep. I personally don't want to chose this route