planning to BLW, MIL disagrees

[HappyBaby123]

So without going into too much detail, me and MIL have had a few disagreements from the start. However I don't like confrontation so I normally let things slide (for example I tell her LO is ready for a nap but MIL wants to play with her, I feel guilty and let LO get over tired on many occasions) but this time around I'm standing my ground and she doesn't like it. Anyway she has been on at me about when I'm going to commence weaning for LO... I've told her multiple times as long as LO is happy with just milk I'm going to continue just that until 6 months. She even bought us baby cereal and bought us weaning spoons and bowls. She bought this expensive adjustable high chair swing for the table (LO sits at the table with them when we go over there and she's not ready to sit up in the high chair just yet). I said to her she's not sitting up in that you couldn't feed her in it anyway... and she tells LO can lie down while she feeds her because it's 'less messy' that way... IMO that is a big choking hazard don't you think?! I wouldn't eat lying down so why should she. Anyway MIL works in a school and she heard this awful story about an 8month old who choked to death.. .apparently they couldn't get the food out and its all because her mother was 'stupid enough to give her food's so young.' Imagine her disgust when I explain we a 'planning on doing BLW in a few weeks time.. She freaked out. She thinks I'm an awful mother and my baby is going g to choke to death. I explained to her the reasoning behind it and also how we an on giving LO soft and manageable foods to start with. Also that she might n o t even swallow much at first as its more about introducing new textures/getting the grips of chewing and moving food around their mouth before actually learning to switch as allow it) and now she thinks Ill be starving her too. She told me she will NOT be doing that when LO is at her house but I don't want her spoon feeding her. Her anxiety is now rubbing off on my DH and although he says he's with me 100% I can see it I s starting to worry him. We go to MILs most weekends for lunch. What should I do.. shouldi let her spoon feed her or stick to my guns. I know she will freak out and I don't w a nth her anxiety rubbing off on LO or m making me feel like a crap mum. I am starting to doubt my decision. Can people please share there experiences with BLW because I a m now beginning to doubt if it is a good idea :(

You decide what to do with your kid.

If she doesn't like it - stop going over there at mealtimes/all.

why not just stop going for lunch? you could go after lunch for example or not at all. why is your mil getting away with being so bossy and controlling?

Its a good idea
Your options are have her come to yours for Sunday lunch, your house your rules
You put your foot down, your baby your rules.
Or you just pop up and leave before dinner?!

your MIL managed to bring up your dh without killing him or any of those scenarios you point out. What she wants to do with her dgc seems to be out of love, and experience. You have read about it.

my suggestions? don't get into a confrontation about it. Let her do her thing when she is alone with the baby, after all she brought up the babies father. You do your thing when you are with the baby. You will end up with a child and adult who knows they are loved very much by two very different people who managed to put their differences aside and show them that love. He will know that their is more than one way to do things. etc etc.

Or you could call her a cow, have confrontations with her, make everyone miserable, etc etc, all because of something you read in a book or the internet. Your call

"She told me she will NOT be doing that when LO is at her house but I don't want her spoon feeding her"

When would that be? If you go over for lunch wouldn't you be feeding her? Where is your DH in this, he should be telling her to back off and mind her own business.

I BLW, and ds never choked, only gagged a couple of times. He learnt to chew things properly from the start (with purees they can just suck them in).

If it will make your dh calm down, find a local red cross baby first aid course (great to do anyway) and get booked in on that.

Your MIL got to do what she thought best with her children, now you and your dh get to make your own decisions

If you cave now, this will be just the start of 18 years of MIL dictating what you do with your child. I would you suggest you do quite a bit of BLW at home, where your husband can see your baby is perfectly safe and get cinfidence in the process. Then ask him to stand by you when you go to MILs and say 'actually mum, we're doing it this way'. And anyway, your MIL doesn't have to feed the baby when you're at their house, you can still do it. You don't have to be confrontational, just be very calm and sweet "actually, we've done loads of research, the health visitor recommended this approach etc etc". And keep repeating, and keep doing what you want. It's your child.

I just wouldn't go. She needs to realise that you're hue he mum.

*you're her

I did BLW with my DS and it was a great success. He never choked (gagged many times but if you have read up on BLW you will know that that is perfectly normal). I could tell that my MIL was not convinced although she did manage to bite her tongue most of the time. I remember one occasion when DS gagged and MIL raced across the room and smacked him on the back - totally unnecessary and just freaked him out! But I tried to remember that it was because she was genuinely worried about him.
In your shoes I would be firm, explain that you are doing BLW and do not want him to be spoon fed, you can understand if MIL is not comfortable with that so you'll make sure that you will supervise while he eats at her house.
Don't doubt your decision, I am so glad we did BLW and it worked perfectly for us.

stop going for lunch.

tell her that you are the parent and she doesn't get a vote here.

or more politely say that "we have researched this and we are happy with our choice and our decision about our child"

I recommend watching vids on you tube of babies eating - takes away the fear.

If you do go then make sure you feed your child. Take your own food and do it yourself.

BLW works great from around 6 months when baby is sitting up unaided.
Babies might gag because the gag reflex is further forward in the mouth than in an adult but choking is no more of an issue than for spoon fed babies.
Personally I'd have thought lying a baby down increased risk.
The Gill Rapley book explains it very well and your DH might benefit from reading it. I think your MIL is just trying to assert her authority over you and you should try to stand up to her more. She's had her baby and now it's your turn to be a parent.

Stick to your guns. You'll need to be very used to doing it by the time MIL starts telling you which school your child(ren) will be going to, which extra-activities they'll be doing, and what brand of underwear you should buy.

Seriously, find a way to stick to your own decisions, and to keep dh on side as otherwise MIL will be running your lives before you know it.

And mil should butt out. But a bit of spoon feeding (once weaning is underway) won't do any harm. I used to spoon feed yoghurt etc while mainly doing blw.

I largely get along well with my DPs family so there was no previous issues as such but I had a similar issue when we weaned my DS.

We just forged ahead despite the concern, ignored the many purees purchased etc. When they saw it working they soon dropped it. DS eats really nicely with his cutlery now and the (very messy) early stages and initial criticism seem miles away.

My DPs GM still hovers over him and occasionally tries to spoon feed my DS now, its just different to what she's used to so I try not to let it wind me up as the bulk of the time DS was self feeding and the occasional spoon fed moment wasn't going to ruin it. Now I just giggle as DS is 14 months and shouts at her, refuses to eat and grabs his spoon back to do it himself!

I made sure I explained the choke/gag difference. Learned choking first aid and explained that I was comfortable with our choice. There were a few nervous moments, particularly when they first gag/vomit but I tried to remain as calm as possible during these incidents and obviously they stop fairly early on!

Stick to your guns but also try not to worry too much. The more relaxed your approach the better you will feel and the quicker your LO will pick it up and your MIL will see there is really no more risk than with puree s. People are always just scared of what they aren't familiar with and back it up with their own scare stories. They discount the many success stories!

I loved BLW. Have fun!

Really honestly, it's nothing to do with her. Your child, you are the parent.
I blw'd with all three of mine, never had a choking incident with any of them while weaning.

I think you asked for experiences of BLW in your OP. We did BLW with twins and it has gone very well for us (they are 13 months now). I think the risk of choking with BLW is over stated - there is a risk of choking with traditional weaning as well, once you introduce finger foods which is often around the same time as when you start BLW I think. I went on a Red Cross baby first aid course before starting weaning and it gave me lots of useful info about choking and what to do, as well as more confidence that I could deal with the situation if it arose. It never did, although there was plenty of gagging to start with (there is a very clear difference between gagging and choking - gagging is noisy, choking is silent). Maybe you could look into doing a similar course for your peace of mind as well as your MILs? Have you shown her any info on BLW? There is the Gill Ripley book and a very good website with loads of info about it. Also, I don't know if they run them in your area but our HV team invite all parents of 4month olds to a weaning workshop where they recommend a BLW style approach from 6mths - I wonder if they have something similar where you live and whether you could take your MIL along? At the end of the day though I think you have to go with what you think is right - advice changes all the time in relation to babies (e.g. Sleeping on back not front) and your MIL should accept that it is your baby and you will do things your way. I bet things will be different again by the time we are GPs!

Two BLW babies here who barely even gagged. It works really well. Just don't give whole grapes/cherry tomatoes/nuts/marshmallows/raw carrot. My mum was very anxious about BLW and I let her spoonfeed puree on her afternoon looking after my first, she's more confident with my second but likes me to give really clear instructions on what he can and can't eat. I found that someone else doing some spoonfeeding once a week did no harm but it wasn't long before he was grabbing the spoon off her anyway. I wouldn't have a baby being fed lying down though!

The comment about the mess - BLW is really messy. I wouldn't do it in someone else's house if the mess would bother them so I wouldn't do it when eating at your MIL's out of courtesy - or I'd go for the least messy options possible anyway! But certainly go ahead with it elsewhere, it's a really great way to wean and despite my mum's nerves, she loved seeing my babies enjoy it so much!

I have sneaky suspicion that you are communicating with MIL in such a way as to make her think you want/will heed her opinion. Just stop discussing baby's development and your plans if she can't stop giving opinions and instructions. Practice a few banal deflecting statements e.g.

You don't need to worry about that, we'll do the parenting, you just have fun playing with her (repeat, repeat, repeat)

And if you want to put her down for a nap, tell, don't ask and follow through. E.g. I'm putting her down for a nap in 2 mins...I'm putting her down now (go and pick her up and follow through, no matter what is said).

It's time to get assertive, you got a couple of decades ahead of you of being your childs no1 advocate and that'll be a lot easier if you can.

BLW is brilliant. There's an obesity crisis in this country because people can't tell when they're full; much better to let DCs try a bit of everything for themselves than shoving purée down their throats :) DS 27mo has never had anything spooned into him and he eats a wide range of foods without fuss

Firstly, I gave my dd finger foods from the start (I didn't do blw exactly as I did spoon feed yoghurt, porridge etc ) and it was great, the gag reflex can be a bit scary for the first little while but they have to do that to learn how to swallow. It made meal times much easier as she just has what we have and nobody has to spoon feed her while their dinner gets cold!

Secondly, my MIL was a bit suspicious of it and couldn't quite believe some of the food we were giving dd without mashing or pureeing it first but she absolutely did not say anything that negative and she certainly wouldn't have said I couldn't feed my baby that way in her house! It's my baby! If she is babysitting and wants to spoon feed then that's fine as she may not feel confident otherwise but if you are there and you're doing the feeding then it's your baby and you do what you like! The only person that gets a say in it is your dh!

well you are the Mum, not her, you have to assert yourself.
Find an effective sentence for her and just repeat it ad nauseum