8mo DS running meal times for everyone else

[ilovetosleep]

My Ds2 is having lots of issues with solids, he's not that interested for a start but also struggles enormously with textures, lumps, spoons etc. He occasionally eats ok and we think we've cracked it but 95% of the time he hates the entire meal experience. He will eat off a spoon if it comes from
A pouch and he will eat soft lumps if I put them in his mouth for him. If he self feeds he will bite a big chunk, gag and then get so upset by it that he cries until I take him out if his seat. Even if he doesn't gag or manages to eat a bit, he whines and whinges until we take him out of his seat. He's usually happy enough for a max of5 mins and then it's game over. The problem is that he is high needs generally and we can't just put him in a chair/jumperoo/on the floor near us while we eat, he whinges there too unless he's held. Mealtimes are impossible and getting worse as DS1 (3yo) has started to play up massively as a result of all this attention that ends up being paid to Ds2. He used to be a fab eater, no complaints whatsoever, ate everything in sight with no encouragement or assistance. Now he's faffing around with his food, refusing to eat, engaging with everything but his food, basically trying to get my attention. My strategy is he can get down after 5-10 mins, have no dinner, go to bed hungry. Or he can have dinner later on his own. But I hate doing this and often he ends up convincing daddy to give him a slice of toast later on. Tbh I don't blame him. Mealtimes with DS2 are so unenjoyable for everyone involved. I am beginning to resent it :( although I know I need to stay calm if I want DS 2 to ever eat normally. It's all just too stressful! Any words of wisdom gratefully appreciated.

If it were me, I'd back off for a bit. I'd sit DS2 on my knee, if he won't sit in a bouncy chair, and enjoy my meal. When he's interested he'll let you know. He's still having milk, right? All the nutrition he needs comes from his milk before he's one, food is just supposed to be a fun experience. He's clearly not having a fun experience right now, so maybe now isn't quite the right time, you can try again in a couple of weeks. Some babies chomp away at six months; others aren't fussed until eleven months. He'll let you know when he's ready, it doesn't need to be a race.

With the focus taken off DS2 for a bit you can get back to praising any positive behaviour from DS1 during mealtimes and hopefully get him back on track too!

I agree with the above post. Don't stress too much about it, let him eat little and often. If he only eats 3 mouthfuls then fine, let him finish and offer a snack later if you are worried. When my ds was this age I would wait until he was in bed or napping for the rest of us to eat. Far less stress!

Sorry if I'm wrong Silver but I don't think they CAN get 100% of their nutritional needs from milk by the time they reach 6 months. They need food, even just a little.
Don't stress. You may have to temporarily backtrack with some really smooth stuff for a bit. Try their 'main' meal at lunch for a while and some porridge and fruit or something easy for tea? They will be tired at tea time which will make things more stressful too. Good luck!

Hi OP, have you seen the baby led weaning book? It isn't quite the same as "self feeding" or "finger foods".

The theory behind it is that the baby leads the way (hence the name) in their own weaning, and as previous posters have suggested, the adults back off.

DD1 was extremely high needs. We also decided to do baby led weaning with her, and it worked so well after I had got my head around the theory of her leading the way.

So, we put her on a booster seat up to the table with us, rather han in a high char. She had a placemat on which her food went, rather than a plate, and we just used to put out a bit of whatever the rest of us were eating, on her mat, for her to try if she wanted. If she didn't want to, she just left it or dropped it on the floor. She didn't have any special foods for her, just exactly the same as we ate - be it roasts, casseroles, pizza, sandwiches, salads, curries or whatever.

The thing about dd1 is she was never actually that interested until about 10 months, but we gave her the opportunity. After that, she tucked in nicely.

The amount of stress it saved was great.

We did the same with dd2, and it meant that dd1 was less distracted at meal times.

Soory for such a long post! Happy to answer any questions.

Oh and they are fine on just milk at that age, as it should form the major part of their diet until 1 anyway. At least according to the HCP I spoke to when I was stressing about DD1 not eating anything. A spoonful of carrot puree doesn't have anywhere near the nurtitional value of the same quantity of milk.

DD1 is now 6, and still has a small appetite, it's just the way she is.

I agree with the advice to take the pressure off, have no expectations of him eating anything and praise your DS1 for any positive behaviour when at the table. It's more important to play a long game and take the stress out of mealtimes right now. No harm will come of mostly milk in the short to medium term.

Sorry I haven't been back, got caught up in Christmas!

Thanks for all the replies. Pressure off is the main message and yes I know we need to do this - in fact with all the excitement of Christmas I have taken a step back unintentionally really, and I have noticed some improvement.

I should have mentioned in my OP that while BLW would be my preferred approach, he has several allergies so eating off our plate isn't always possible (I don't want to restrict DS1's diet because of DS2) So, I get that annoying thing where I know I have prepared his meals especially for him so I get more upset that he doesn't eat them! But we have made some headway the last few days as he has improved his pincer grip - he no longer has to tackle bigger finger foods but can pick up and eat more manageable small pieces, which he seems happier with. The main problem though is lack of interest. He is increasingly willing to let me put bits of food in his mouth but he's just not got the appetite or interest to feed himself more than a few tiny morsels. So I need to let myself go with that I guess (hard to when I know I'll be breastfeeding every 2 hours through the night...)

But the main thing is that with this pincer grip development he no longer seems to hate mealtimes and will sit in his chair for a good 5-10 mins without getting upset. It seems to have happened over night really. I can ony hope things continue to improve. It is so stressful for everyone else when he is so grumpy.

thanks for all the comments, I really appreciate it