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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Mil's aversion to 'lumps'

10 replies

Funghoul · 21/04/2014 20:35

Mil looks after dd for 3 days a week whilst I work. She's brilliant with her, apart from feeding. Dd is 1 in around 3 weeks and weaning was quite easy with her. I didn't really follow any particular method with her, but by 7 months she was eating just about anything with her hands.

Now, dd eats what we eat, no mushing, no making things separately. We just don't add salt to any cooking and we get along fine. When mil has her, she goes to great lengths to make meals for her, which she seems to enjoy doing, and refusing our offers of sending meals with her. She then insists in mashing it, or spoon feeding it, and dd often won't entertain her. I have mentioned several times that dd doesn't like to eat this way and often eats better when left to her own devices.

Mil has a massive fear of dd choking and her not being able to 'save' her. Not quite sure where this has come from, but she's terrified. I have purposely given dd meals where she's chewing on new potatoes, chunks of meat, massive florets of broccoli, just to prove that dd is absolutely fine. She can't watch.

I can understand that dd isn't her child and that she's scared to pat, or slap if needed, dd on the back if she really was choking, but my sympathy is running out. Yesterday she told me where I could get jars of baby food on offer. I told her I didn't feed dd this and she said that she does. I told her dd is almost 1 and she needs to get over this silly fear because dd is fine with normal regular food.

How can I get her to stop buying purées? I feel that at dds age it's almost like taking a step back.

OP posts:
ExBrightonBell · 21/04/2014 22:40

I honestly don't think you can make any major changes in how your MIL handles your dd's meals. It sounds like she is really quite phobic about choking and lumps. Unless she herself is prepared to seek help with this eg from her GP, counselling or something, then I can't see it changing.

Is it just lunch that she has with MIL? If so then for the sake of free childcare for 3 days I would just let it go. In the overall scheme of a weeks worth of food it won't hurt.

If she has 3 meals a day with MIL, then maybe it might be time to think about changing your childcare. I don't think your MIL will be able to fix her phobia without willing on her part, and if it's really important to you then maybe she isn't the right person to look after your DD.

Funghoul · 21/04/2014 23:35

She is trying, I'm not looking to slate her for how she cares for dd iyswim, but she knows herself that she's over the top about it. I am letting it go to an extent, dd is happy with her. Mil is forever taking her for walks and doing things with her, and dp and I like that it's a family member caring for her. Mil loves seeing dd and dd loves seeing her. I'm just wondering if there is anything I can do.

We're all going on holiday together in a few weeks so I'm hoping a fortnight of seeing how me and dp deal with mealtimes will make her a bit more at ease. Dd normally eats breakfast and lunch with mil, it's the lunch she's having problems with. I do feel for mil because she prepares lovely meals for dd that dd wants to stuff her face with herself. We have progressed to some lumpier good but dd feeding herself gives her the fear!

Thank you though, I know in the grand scheme of things it's only 3 meals out of many, and sorry about the epic posts.

OP posts:
LindsayS79 · 22/04/2014 22:05

This might be a stupid question, but when does your MIL expect DD to be able to eat normal finger foods etc? Could this be a short-lived problem? If it's a while off, could you arrange for MIL to get first aid training?

Ploppy16 · 22/04/2014 22:12

can you eat a meal or 2 with MIL and your DD to show her that all will be fine?
I was the same as her with DC3, DD1 had a habit of choking and I got this stomach grinding fear of the toddler doing the same. It almost paralyses you. It was actually my MIL who got me through it by taking us out for lunch and making sure DD got normal food. I got over it and she eats fine.

littlegreengloworm · 22/04/2014 22:16

I can see its frustrating when your dd is doing so well, but honestly to get free care with a loving family member - priceless

I think I would just go with her way for the sake of three lunches

Funghoul · 23/04/2014 15:35

I know, I know! I have said outright that dd is a good eater and she has nothing to worry about, and have also told her that if dd does choke that I'm not going to jump down her throat if she has to give dd a slap on the back. It's more for mils sake than dds that I want to sort this because she's terrified!

We do eat together sometimes and I'm hoping 2 weeks away with her seeing dd eating normally will help her feel a bit more confident. Thank you everyone though, I'm sure everything will right itself eventually.

OP posts:
rosiedays · 23/04/2014 17:09

Just a thought, would mil do a short child/baby focused first aid course? They cover things like choking? Usually only a few hours and not too expensive? ?

littleducks · 23/04/2014 17:23

I was going to suggest a child first aid course. Maybe you and her could go together, I think it is a good thing to do as a parent/carer anyway.

When dd was little I did one arranged by the childrens centre. I did it again (you do forget) this year arranged by my NCT branch.

Funghoul · 24/04/2014 10:32

Our children's centre seem to do them pretty regularly so I am planning on getting us in on the next one.

OP posts:
Eletheomel · 24/04/2014 21:59

What about lunch ideas that don't necessarily have lumps or need mashed up - like homemade lentil soup followed by yoghurt? I don't see anything wrong with a child having soup for lunch 3 times a week? Better that than jars of pureed stuff... maybe?

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