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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

Original poster

Totally disagree with friend over weaning her 11 week old - what to do!!!!

37 replies

liath · 12/08/2006 07:02

A very good friend is BF her baby but recently her ds has been fighting the breast a bit - according to her HV this is "a classic sign of hunger" and he needs something more "calorie dense" than breast milk!!!!

She's tried giving baby rice and not surprisingly it wouldn't go in due to tongue thrust. I think she's mad and dangerously misinformed by the HV - I've said to her about WHO guidelines and also said I don't agree with the calorie dense thing but she's a good friend and I don't want to make too big a deal and tell her what to do with her own child. Should I keep my nose out do you think??

OP posts:
threebob · 12/08/2006 07:08

Tell her one last time that her HV is mad, that breastmilk has more calories in than anything. And then shut up.

Most of the things one of my friends HV has said I know for a fact are her (friends)opinion and the HV in question would be horrified to know what she has supposedly said to this very competitive and ambitious mother.

FrannyandZooey · 12/08/2006 07:13

Oh gawd, this is awful. I would actually think about reporting the HV - this isn't just being a bit crap, this is scarily dangerous misinformation

I would buy your friend a nice book about bf, one with a good section about weaning etc, why to wait till 6 months, and how to deal with problems. This might be a possibility, though I haven't read it myself lately.

daisy1999 · 12/08/2006 07:18

I had a similar problem with a friend but she was desperate to "move on to the next stage" as she put it. I didn't push the point, I simply told her the recommendations and said I was waiting and then kept quiet. At the end of the day it's her choice (even if it's the wrong one).

Original poster
liath · 12/08/2006 07:19

I guess if the "fighting the breast" thing could be sorted she'd be more likely to wait a bit but I don't have clue what that might be due to as I only managed to BF for 6 weeks myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
liath · 12/08/2006 07:26

Thanks for that book recommendation btw F&Z, might buy it for myself, am really keen to successfully BF this time around.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 12/08/2006 07:37

I would advise her (and you) to attend LLL meetings if you can possibly get to them - apart from general support and accurate information, there will be Leaders there, very experienced mothers who have specialist training in helping other mothers breastfeed. They have been the most helpful source of advice and encouragement for me.

Phone 0845 120 2918 and you can speak to a Leader and get details of your nearest group.

tigermoth · 12/08/2006 08:11

That's a really interesting point, threebob, about your friend only hearing what she wanted to hear from her HV.

It's a long time since I had a HV or a tiny baby, but I do have memories of my HV telling me conflicting advice - a scattergun effect - so I could choose the bits that went along with what I thought anyway and discard the other bits that didn't.

Any good highlighting to your friend the effects (or risks) of early weaning - use google to find some interesting statistics etc. You could drop these into conversation - so not stating a personal opinion as such, just giving her some info that you happen to have read. But you say you have already told her the WHO guidelines, so if she isn't interested, I suppose you can't do much more.

bloss · 12/08/2006 08:16

Message withdrawn

Mum2FunkyDude · 12/08/2006 08:18

Yes, I would even be keen to push her to get a second opinion from a specialist, at the end you'll know how far you can push the issue, in terms of how strong your friendship is, but yes, it is likely she is feeling a little despondent about BF and surely needs to be advised by someone with more authority than a HV, even a GP maybe?

Wordsmith · 12/08/2006 08:20

She knows the facts. It's her business, not yours. Sorry.

TheBlonde · 12/08/2006 08:25

If you want to remain friends with her keep your nose out

Original poster
liath · 12/08/2006 09:20

Oh well - that's me told!

Will keep quiet & chunter away to myself in private!

OP posts:
aitch71ababe · 13/08/2006 00:08

i find it very hard to believe that even the most ignorant HV would be advising 11 weeks, so i agree that your friend is probably hearing what she wants to hear.
however, the thing about breastfeeding is interesting. i am completely hypothesising here, but do you think that there is a chance that she might just hate bfing but be too ashamed (crackers, i know, but i certainly was ashamed about being unable to bf) just to give up? might it not suit her purposes to come up with some story about weaning and do it early, so that she can start offering formula as well?

oh i don't know, i'm totally guessing, but do you knwo what her feelings are about formula? because maybe a middle ground would be to suggest trying a 'hungry baby' formula, which would allow her to 'save face' about giving up bfing if that's actually secretly what she wants to do while not harming his wee stomach. i know the hungry baby stuff is a marketing con, but in these circumstances it would deffo be better than solids.

sorry, trying to psycho-analyse the friend of someone who i don't know... how very mumsnet...

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 13/08/2006 00:11

OMG! I weaned both of mine early (according to WHO) at 4 months - but I would never dream of giving an 11week old anything other than milk!

Tortington · 13/08/2006 00:22

yes its got feck all to do with you

aitch71ababe · 13/08/2006 00:25

oh, and yes, if it's not about the breastfeeding and she really does just want to go ahead and do it then i think Custy has more than adequately expressed where you stand.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 13/08/2006 00:28

If she was a good friend i'd nag her mercifully about it!!!! (Because, she would after all, know I had her, and her baby's best intentions at heart).

If she was a "mum" acquaintence i'd button it.

SecondhandRose · 13/08/2006 07:03

Its interesting how things have changed, both my children ages 11 and 7 were given solids at 10 weeks and there were no problems at all. Why have things changed so much?

edam · 13/08/2006 09:24

Because there's been more research on infant feeding. Doctors have 'discovered' that breastmilk has health benefits (in the 60s and early 70s formula was pushed as 'scientific' and better for babies). And alongside that, have done research on babies' guts. The World Health Organisation has been recommending exclusive breastfeeding to six months for about a decade now, so this is established fact (as far as any scientific advice can be) rather than theory. But the UK government didn't adopt this advice until recently, because maternity leave was too short, so the advice would have conflicted with their practice on mat. leave.

Tiny babies have 'open' guts which enable them to access the nutrients from milk as easily as possible. But it means if you feed them solids, particles will pass through the walls of the gut directly into the bloodstream, potentially predisposing them to allergies and maybe other health problems such as obesity in later life. When a baby is ready for solids, the cell walls of the gut will 'close' and be more like an adult gut. Six months is a safe age to wean because babies will have a closed gut by then.

There has been an explosion in allergies, esp. food allergies, over the past four decades so it would be interesting to see if you could marry that with advice/practice on early weaning/use of formula. Although it's likely there are lots of other factors, such as a reduction in parasite exposure, more hygienic environments etc. etc.

calpopscalum · 13/08/2006 09:56

Can I just say that when my ds (now 4) was 9 weeks old I was told to wean him. This was advice from separate HVs, my gp and a neonatal nurse. Hewas an exceptionally hungry baby and wasdrinking 9oz bottles of hungry baby formula every 45 mins - I'd ahd t give up on b/f as I couldn't keep up. No-one believed me until they saw it for themselves and then advised me to try baby rice. I was told he might not be able to eat it but he ate it all up and was looking for more. Slept through the night that night and we never looked back! He does have excema but he had that before 9 weeks and it runs in both fmailies. Every baby is different andmaybe her ds is similar to mine. My dd was incidentaly wenaed at 4 months as per the guidleines at the time! Hope that helps.

MaloryFascinatorTowers · 13/08/2006 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 13/08/2006 10:36

I think all you can do is mention that you've heard it's not a great idea, maybe point her in the direction of some information - esp. about tongue thrust because that's definite evidence baby isn't ready - and let her get on with it. If she's made her mind up, not a lot you can do. Her choice and all that.

LaDiDaDi · 13/08/2006 10:58

i think I would make aitch's suggestion about hungry baby formula instead and see how she takes it, explaining gently why milk is better than solids at this age. I agree that if she then still wants to give baby rice then you've go to let her get on with it and never comment upon it again.

Original poster
liath · 13/08/2006 14:06

No offence, but I had already said I'd keep out of it so why the "it's got feck all to do with you" and the "butt out" comments? Or am I being hormpnal & oversensitive???

OP posts:
bubblepop · 13/08/2006 14:07

god u lot make me laff!! your all tellin the girl to keep quiet and mind her own business with her friend, yet if it was liath herself askin for advice for her own baby im sure you would all be tryin to convince her to wait until 6 months.....jeez

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