How to cope?

[Gina1981]

Dd is 14m+ and has completely stopped eating. She is bf and that is all that is keeping her alive. Any ideas please?? I'm at my wits end. She refuses breakfast lunch and dinner and I refuse to offer her snacks so I don't get blamed for filling her up on snacks. I'm really not exaggerating here she hasn't eaten for days. Everytime I ask for advice from my HV I get fobbed off with its my anxiety that is the problem and don't take a blind bit of notice to what I'm saying!!!

I'd take her to GP if she was eating previously and HV is ignoring your concern.

I took her to the GP this morning and was told I need to be a hard mum and not to give in with dd demand feeding. Easier said than done!! I'm losing my mind. I haven't a clue what to do!! I'm so exhausted. She's feeding like a newborn. I'm so drained!

That is awful advice from your gp, how will being "hard" encourage her to eat?

Was she happily eating before? Could it be teething pain?

I would perhaps get a second opinion if it goes on.

I would let her eat snacks. I'd make another gp appointment to rule out any medical problems.

I'd try not to show anxiety to dd. Then I'd offer breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack as well as water/milk in a cup frequently throughout day.

Children at this age prefer to eat little & often so healthy snacks between meals is a good idea.

Maybe offer small portions to start.

Snacks are very important for toddlers. Even when they are eating. They need healthy high fat foods for growth and brain development (hence milk being important).

Not sure why you're being so hard line on that one.

Bigger picture is you want her to eat. If she snacks then give them.

Mine stopped eating solid food for a week or so twice in the last year (he's now 20 months). First time he had a bug and the second he was teething. He did just fine on just bm. We kept offering food at meals and snacks when we ate, but didn't pressure or worry when he declined. He soon started snatching things off our plates/out of our hands again.

If your LO is otherwise happy and healthy I'd just try to relax, continue feeding BM on demand and offering solids for her to self feed and wait it out.

It's so hard isn't it. DS stopped eating at a bit younger than that. Unfortunately he stopped putting on weight and pead put him on a high calorie milk. He gained weight on this but it really was terrible in terms of his eating as he didn't have any appetite for solids. So don't do that!!

Could you maybe express a bit of milk and serve it in a cup alongside food? That might take the edge off and relax her enough to try the food.

We did better once we only offered food at mealtime and snack time and put him down if he didn't want it. He'd then be hungry at the next eating time. It sounds obvious, but I had previously been panicing and offering food constantly and his standard response was to push it away. Having strict eating times meant he knew what was happening and I wasn't pushing food at him when he was focused on something else.

Good luck. This too will pass, I promise.

I wish I knew what to offer dd. I just haven't a clue anymore! I feel so helpless! I find myself in the kitchen wondering what to cook etc. I'm so tired of the waste/mess. I've lost hope and have no confidence. I spoke to the hv yesterday and she suggested not to allow dd to bf on demand. How can I when she screams all day until I give in. No matter what I put in front of her she still wants the breast! She also suggested to refer me to a speech and language.

So why not snacks?

Why not eat meals with her?

I meant dd to be referred to speech and language not me!!

I was advised to stop the snacks so she would be more hungry!

We always eat as a family but I'm so exhausted that I find myself not knowing what to cook.

Ignore the snack advice. Even gina ford who HVs seem to like, advocates snacks. As does the NHS page 9

Many HVs don't know the latest advice. They don't have specific training in nutrition so in this case I would as a minimum challenge her or ignore all together.

Give your baby decent snacks - this might well be your window into getting her to eat properly, instead of starving her making her more likely to want boob.

If you don't believe me - ask for access to a paediatric dietician. We have a fortnightly walk in service so worth seeing if you can find one.

What about foods like pasta with sauce and meatballs, jacket potatoes with cheese/tuna? Easy but nutritious.

You poor thing! It really is stressful, isn't it?

We have been through the same thing with our DD, at a similar age to your little one - she is now 16 mo. It's so tough when every other baby you meet seems to be devouring platefuls of food and all your baby wants is to be permanently latched on.

We decided, tough as it was, that we needed to trust DD and just go with what she wanted to do. I fed her as often as she wanted and we carried on eating together as a family. We abandoned the high chair and let DD sit on one of our laps and help herself from our plates. We didn't make any attempt to tempt or encourage her to eat or make any comment at all about how much (or little!) she ate. We found that when all pressure to eat was removed, she actually began eating more - slowly building up the quantities over a period of time. It also helped my stress levels as I wasn't faced with mounds of untouched food at the end of each meal!

I still don't know what caused it for us but suspect it may have been a loss of confidence on DD's part after a few nasty gagging incidents. I think being on our lap gave her a bit more confidence to try food again.

I know our approach wouldn't suit everyone but just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone - I think it's actually pretty common.

I would agree with other posters about the snack issue - as long as the snacks you are offering are healthy, surely eating snacks is a positive thing?

This book is also an interesting read.

Good luck!