Please help. I think I've made a right old mess of weaning DS.

[ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged]

DS has just turned one and I know he should be eating 'properly' by now, but I think I've messed up.

We started BLW when he was about 6mo, but he didn't really start eating anything significant until about 8mo. I then worried that he wasn't eating enough so at around 10mo added spoon feeding (bit backwards no?!) Still worried he wasn't eating enough so let him suck food direct from Ella's Kitchen sachets because they were just so easy and mess free

So now he's a year old, will eat 'snacks' (crackers, ricecakes, those organix crisp type things, cubes of cheese, etc), fruit & veg that he can hold himself, yogurt from a spoon (yogurt is the only think he'll take from a spoon), puree from a sachet, but still nothing approaching meals.

He still has at least 4-5 BFs a day, and gets really ratty if I try to feed him solids instead. I try really hard to do set meal times, but he hates sitting in a high chair so tends to eat by picking at food on the coffee table while playing.

I've totally messed up haven't I?

Any tips to get back on track?

Please be kind. I'm feeling stupidly emotional about this and have been crying about what a crap mum I am for most of the day.

Thanks

Hey, be a little kind to yourself. It sounds like he's doing really well. Not that different from my DD (11 months) - including the 4 to 5 bf a day - who is our 2nd so I'm fairly laid back about things...is his weight ok? And nappies etc?
In mho the thing that makes weaning tricky is teething. Neither of my two wanted to eat anything much other than puree and youghut and breadsticks on the days/weeks when they were cutting teeth. And then suddenly, DD will eat chunks of salmon and chips one day - and then back to puree the next (when my guess is she's teething again). Keep a little bit of your dinner back for the next day as it's gutting to cook something special and have it rejected - and keep trying that as a back up alongside smooth stuff. But hand held food is fine too. Will he eat a sausage? Or afish finger - held in his hand? Mine often subsist on those from time to time. Babybel cheese? Avocado?
Are you ok? Please don't be down about this - Have a and and !

Firstly, you're not a crap mum.

Do you tend to sit down and eat with him? Are you completely focussed on his eating or do you try and ignore it and do other things, like eat your own meal?

I'd make sure you eat with him and give him the same stuff you're having. It might mean changing your meals a bit for a while so going for meat and 2 veg type meals to gradually increase the stuff he eats but it might work. Also try and ignore him while you eat. Let him get on with it and see what he does.

I do think that is a lot of bfs for a one year old. He is probably filling up on milk so is less hungry for food. Could you reduce the length of the feed initially with a view to cutting down to 2 feeds, morning and night?

that sounds fine to me!

do you offer him a teeny portion of whatever you're having? and if so what does he do with it?

i would def have him up at the table at mealtimes though... and feed him at the same time you eat.

make sure he's had milk a bit before so he isn't really, really hungry and ratty.

then just give him a little of whatever you're having, a few things you know he will eat and a little cup to play with...

I agree it sounds fine too. I agree with having him at the table with a bit of what you are having and a spoon. Sounds like he finds it easier/ likes to feed himself. Are you worried about his weight?

I don't think you've messed it up. Toddlers are often fussy and difficult at mealtimes because eating is one of the few opportunities they get to exercise free will and they will often nake those choices for reasons unrelated to how hungry they are or how much they fancy the food. Who is to say what would have happened had you chosen a different method for weaning? Who defines "on track"? So long as your child is not crying in hunger you are doing fine. I'm not a BLW-er myself but I have friends who are, and there are fussy and difficult-to-feed children who had BLW and who didn't. If he's getting protien, carbs and veg he's fine and will experiment with new flavours and textures when he is ready to.

Thank you

I really don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm normally fine, but today his (lack of) eating is really getting to me.

I try very hard to sit down with him and eat three times a day. I've changed what I eat so that he can have the same and have pretty much given up on using a knife and fork so that he can copy me eating with his fingers (he used to just nick my fork and chew on that ) but he does usually squirm and try to get away from the high chair.

I like the booster seat idea and will definitely get one. Do you think a bumbo would work? I put it away when he could sit unaided, but maybe he'll like it again if it's used to get him closer to the table.

When he's 'in the mood' he will try anything, though he quickly spits it out if he doesn't like it. For a while, having a toy next to him at the table helped distract him enough to eat better, but now he just points at whatever he wants to get to (ball, TV remote, walker) and squirms until he's let out of the chair.

Interesting what you say about teething too. His back teeth are coming through at the moment and are clearly causing him pain. He always wants to suckle more when they're coming through. My poor boobs were so overused this morning that I had to try to get him to take a dummy (not popular) and he's chewed his way through most of a pack of bickiepegs in the last couple of days.

Hm, I've answered my own question haven't I? Let him be for a few days while the teeth work themselves out, then set mealtimes, a new booster seat and a happier mum!

that sounds good to me.
there is also a book by carlos gonzales called "my child won't eat" which I have heard recommended a LOT, and it's apparently very reassuring.

You're not a bad mum. The meaning of 'weaning' is a gradual shift from milk to food. Babies are not designed to switch from all milk to 3 big meals a day overnight... their immature gut will not thankyou for that! Until about 2 yrs, food is supposed to complement not replace milk.

Remember, to you baby, BM is the dogs bollocks. It's easily digested, fatty and nutrient rich, there's not many foods that will come close. If you ply too much food into him now, you'll have a constipated baby.

Just offer him table food, ie what you're eating, in addition to BM. Focus on nutrient dense foods like meat, fish, egg, proper yoghurt, cheese, a small amount of fruit/veg to get used to the taste. Too many carbs will definitely constipate him as they require lots of water to digest and most babies don't really drink too much water.

Snacking is ok, as long as you're happy with what he's snacking on. Dr Sears recommends filling muffin style tray with various little titbits, so you could have chopped ham, cubes of cheese, banana coins and leave him to it. Get him used to a sippy cup of water while eating.

My breastfed DS is 14 months and is only getting into food now. But he's still heavily breastfed and is a chubby little thing, 50th percentile weight and 75th height. So don't worry, remember to look after your own diet too and he'll be fine.