Dealing with other peoples negative reactions to BLW.

[Jennyrosity]

Hello. We have recently (as in the last week) started to introduce DD to solids via BLW. So far it's going well - she's not taking much in, but is enthusiastic about trying, and as we're continuing to BF on demand, I'm not worried about it.

Quite a few other people are, however! DH is 100% with me on it, DSiL seems unperturbed, and DM has seen BLW work well on relatives kids so is supportive. But everyone else we meet is vocal in their disapproval - from the lovely mum in my antenatal group who is convinced DD is starving and keeps trying to share her DS's purees with us, to the opinionated cow who weaned her premy at 4 months who keeps barking on about iron levels, to FiL worrying about her choking, everyone seems to think I'm getting it wrong!

It seems particularly daft to me, as DD is clearly thriving. She's always been big - 98th percentile at birth, off the chart in both weight and height since about 12 weeks - and is very active, bright and alert. She's strong - able to pull herself up and stand up against things already - and has lovely skin, bright eyes, masses of glossy hair. I'm making her sound like a prize poodle, but my point is I don't understand what cause anyone has to worry about her health.

We're going to see my MiL next month, and I'm dreading it. She's a lovely woman, but DD is the first baby in her family in 30 odd years, so she hasn't had the opportunities that my mum has to see how things have moved on, and consequently has rather old-fashioned views. She wanted me to introduce solids at 8 weeks, because she though DD was crying and not sleeping through because she was hungry (er, no, it's because she's 8 weeks!), and asks every time we speak whether I've started her on "real" (ie: puréed) food yet.

So how do I (politely) deal with these people? I don't want to be rude (well in some cases I do, but I won't!), but I really don't understand why they think I should care about their opinions on how I feed my DD!

We're going to see my MiL next month and I'm dreading

Dunno why that last sentence fragment is there, guessing iPhone fail!

its quilte likely in a month your DD will be eating quite a bit so that may help
for your MIL /FIL do you have the BLW weaning book -maybe take it along?

for other people just say its works for us and leave it at that - some people who have made a different choice want everyone to make the same one as them

also have you tried pre loading spoons at all for things like porridge as that can be helpful in getting people to see its just a slightly different approach

Do you care about their opinions? If not then just ignore them. If you really feel you have to say something then just say "we're happy with what we're doing and so is she" and refuse to get into a discussion.

Hi there :) I'm in a similar position. I'm fed up of people - my mum, MIL and various aunts - disapproving and making me feel like I'm doing it wrong.
I've developed a bit of a mantra about the benefits of BLW and just repeat it when the tutting and groans start. I think hope they are starting to take the hint that I'm not going to give in.

Gosh - it's so tricky with the relatives, isn't it? Especially determined ones whom you don't fully trust to respect your decision. Perhaps you can address that directly - I couldn't have done it with my MiL but did have lots of useful conversations with her about (made up) issues I had with someone or other. I'd say stuff like, "When she said that, I felt like she couldn't respect my decision or thought I couldn't or wasn't looking after him! I mean, it's not as if I haven't read everything available and thought really carefully about it!" I know it's not ideal as it's not straightforward but I don't have a relationship with my Mil that I thought could withstand a direct confrontation at that time. You can sweeten it all by asking her about her experiences, and letting her tell you about the advice she had and what seemed to work.

My favourite way to respond to direct questions or comments is, "The thinking now is..." followed by what I'm practicing and why. We did BLW, were largely supported but where people asked I said, "They now say food is for fun until they are one because a baby's digestive system can't process the amount of solid food they'd need if they were to get all their nutrients from it." With GPs or older relatives, it's worth reminding them that since the advice changed to put babies to sleep on their backs, there has been a reduction in cot deaths of 75%, so it's not all new fangled nonsense. With people who question iron intake, you can (1) wonder what we did before we were able to supplement with fortified foods or purees, (2) point out that the iron in breast milk is the most easily absorbed form and (3) point out that the majority of the world's population survives into adulthood without the use of a blender or fortified foods. With anyone, you can question the logic of assuming that a baby needs specially and fussily prepared foods with certain nutrients that aren't available in bm as it seems like a counter-evolutionary adaptation. Or you can go in direct with, "Does it seem like there's something wrong with him to you?" or, "Do you think I am being neglectful?" or, "Did you mean to imply I'm not looking after him properly?" or, "Actually, we've researched this and thought about it hard; if you want to change my mind you are going to have to come up with some compelling evidence! Of course, I'm happy to discuss any concerns you might have."

Good luck. You may be pleasantly surprised! But if you aren't you can try to remember that people honestly think they know best and are helping you. If you can summon the strength to thank them first then put your point across then you might find the whole situation less tense and confrontational. If you can't summon that strength, then join my club and just congratulate yourself for getting through any conversation about it in a civil manner without telling anyone they are a stupid cow and of course you are aware of fucking purees, do they think you are a moron??? And this is your choice based on actual fucking research, not half baked reheated prejudices from the 1950's, that great bastion of loving childcare...

I've had some positive and negative comments. The best positive was my mum who said how fantastic it was, how it made so much sense and she'd have done it if she'd have known about it when we were little. Worst has been some of the looks on other mums faces when when I tell them what we're doing. I just smile sweetly and tell them DD loves it, which she does. MIL and family have been a bit sceptical but having now seen DD self feed, seem to be happy enough that we're not starving or trying to choke her. Not easy though, I felt like a bit of loner whilst EBFing sometimes and now it's the same again as I've only met 1 person who's doing it and that was in passing really. But I really feel it's what's best for my DD so everyone else can bog off.

My solution was not to tell them. All babies should be having finger food at 6 months anyway. I find when you give it a fancy name, people disagree with it. No one can disagree with:'oh, she's just trying some finger foods.'

If it's none of their business, don't tell them.

I say this as a mum who has two dcs who have never eaten mushy food or baby rice. Dd1 did, before I knew about blw. I didn't talk about it, just got on with it. My dcs are thriving now, using cutlery beautifully and regulating their own appetite. It's just food, no big deal.

Don't bring the subject up or give them opportunity to tell you their opinions.

If that fails nod & smile & do it your way anyway.

If that fails be armed with facts as mentioned above - blind them with science :)

You may be surprised - my MIL didn't bat an eyelid, just parked DS up at the table with a bowl of what we were having (chopped into chunks) and let him at it (with an occasional helping hand if needed)

Like they say - there's nothing new under the sun - I think that BLW as a concept is totally familiar to lots of the older generation.

My mum was the same - even though I clearly remember mixing up packet mix flaked stuff (like fish food!) for my little sister, and doing the whole rusk/milk in a bowl for breakfast thing.

If all fails, a couple of days being fed puree isn't going to kill her so you could just let it happen and ignore. I didn't pure BLW because DS just didn't get the hang of spoons until he was about 18 months (forks, no problem, spoons were tricky)

Don't give in and feed and mush to baby, just be firm and polite and explain your choices. It is your baby to care for not theirs.

By the sounds if it, it's gonna be pretty obvious that what ur doing is working for your dd and u don't need to explain anything to anyone not even ur mil. Just have confidence in what ur doing and nod smile and just let any comments go in one ear and out the other!! :)

Hmm. I think perhaps just not mentioning it and refusing to get into a discussion is the best way. I tried to show FiL in the book but he wouldn't even look at it - he has made his mind up and clearly no book is going to change it.

It's difficult because no matter how often I smile and say "oh well, it works for us, wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same", some people just will not let it go. Usually the same ones who ask "are you STILL breastfeeding?" as if DD was 16 not 6 months!

I'm not sure I trust MIL not to try and feed DD mush when I'm not around (in a fit of misguided "poor bairn is starving well-meaningness) but she may find it difficult - the one time I tried to feed DD some mushed-up banana (because she was struggling to grip it in its whole form), she took the spoon off and plucked the mush out of it with her other hand. Girl wants to self-feed!

Well - and I speak as a fellow BLW-er - if your DD is eating well by then, she'll have baby-led weaned. She'll have decided for herself she wants solids. A few spoonfuls of mashed banana from your MIL at that stage is not going to ruin anything. I'm not saying give in - but I am saying if the "worst" happens, it won't make any appreciable difference.

I was worried about my MIL's reaction but oddly, despite disapproving of everything else I did, she was fine with it.