My MIL started weaning my 17 week old!

[likelucklove]

I'm after some advice please.

MIL looked after DD overnight yesterday. She then tells me she gave DD a rusk with her formula - without consulting me or DP. We ate fuming over the fact she didn't ask us first. I don't know whether we are being over dramatic or not.

I need advice about where to go from here. Do we carry on or shall we stop? When can we start giving her liquidised food? I have no idea as I thought I'd have another two months to prepare.

FWIW, DD is taking from a spoon lovely, no trouble at all and seems to be enjoying it. I'm not bashing my MIL, just annoyed at her and DP feels the same.

TIA!

What is the age to wean these days?

Is it still 6 months or is it back to 4 months?

It was 4 months when DS was born (almost 11 years ago) so may not be much of a problem.

Do you think your DD was ready? Did she sleep better? Go longer between feeds? Has she been a hungry baby?

I'd be angry at the lack of consultation and not being the first one to do it but the health problems wouldn't bother me.

Current guidelines are 6mo, though most people I know are starting at about 5mo.

What does your DD take from a spoon?

Difficult one. Some foods are appropriate from 17w but I'd be tempted not to carry on unless your DD is showing some major indicators that she is ready for food, and also ask your MiL not to feed her anything else. However I do think that 17w is not a terrible age to introduce some tastes (this is what we've been doing with 22w DD, letting her lick or suck bits of fruit and veg etc).

If you want to wait, then do, and make sure DP has strong words with his mother.

If you want to wean now, do, and make sure DP has strong words with his mother.

Weaning is a parenting decision - not for anyone else to do on a whim with your child, however lovingly misguided their choice may be. There are many things that will involve you and DP making decisions for your child, not her, and that needs to be made clear now.

The advice is always changing. What a lovely MIL having yourDD overnight so young. I'm a big fan of the Annabel Karmel books for telling me what and when. Mwhen my DS1 was young, he's now 8, there were loads of 4month+ foods on the shelf in the supermarket. Rusks were a great early one. With my DD, 17 months, she was less interested but she did have one of those net things you can put bits of food in for them to chew on.

Chat to your health visitor and they'll talk you through it.

I agree with Fliss, this is less to do with wether you should wean now, and more to do with your MIL taking important parenting decisions out of your hands. Strong words are needed!

My MIL decided to try to give me 4 month old chocolate cake and tango.... you can imagine the scene!!

I don't think weaning is such an important decision necessarily, but it's still presumptuous as all Heck how she's done it. I would be annoyed but I am also feeling very that you even have relatives who can and want to mind her.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

I know how lucky we are that MIL will look after DD so much for us, that's why I don't want to fall out with her over this. She is also a lovely MIL.

I think my main problem is the not being consulted, it is such a big moment for me and DP and now it's over without us being consulted or being prepared for it.

Tea I asked my DP and he thinks she is a hungry baby. We did start her on 7oz at 3 months which is 'early', so I'll take it up again and see if that helps. The HV has commented about how well she is putting on weight, so I suppose that's a good sign too. She didn't go longer between feeds though, she wanted a bottle half an hour later and took all of it.

MIL's main reason for giving it to her was because she was looking at DSis's lollies and was trying to grab them. She is teething so wants to chew on anything and it getting to that stage where she realizes she can grab things, so I don't think that was a major indicator.

Nelly She has only taken rusk's mashed up in formula at the moment, but has had calpol from a spoon since 2 months so it's not really new.

Fliss DP has said he is going to talk to her, it's just MIL's partner was with her and we didn't want him to feel awkward. There's also the possibility of falling out with her, as she is opinionated and feels she knows best. She even gave DD water at four weeks old, after I asked her not to and told her I didn't want to do it.

ANT I will phone my HV Monday. Thank you, I didn't even think of it because I was reeling so much. I've also reserved some Annabel Karmel books from the local library to read.

shark I can't believe that - I think I may have seen red Mind you, DP's auntie did want to give DD white buttons at three months so she could have a treat...

Thank you as well Voles.

Sorry for the long post, I'm so grateful for your help and it's helped me calm down a bit. I've told DP how upset I am, he just tends to get on with things so isn't as annoyed now. We will be talking to MIL tomorrow and telling her we are not happy, in the most diplomatic way possible.

I think we are not going to give DD more food, except milk of course, for a few days and see whether she is more hungry. I forget easily so will write down her feeds and her moods between.

You will probably see me a lot over the next couple of months with how clueless I am!

They don't come with a manual. I'm on number three and they're all so different I regularly dip in here for advice. None of us know all the answers it's the whole journey of life that's exciting/ challenging/ petrifying/ exhilerating etc.

17w is very early to be weaned. Her gut will just be starting to mature. I would say that a rusk ( which contain lots of sugar ) is not a great food to ever eat begin with. I can understand why you are annoyed with your MIL as you are her mum and the decision is yours to make.
If she will take more milk or more feeds, I would personally wait 'til closer to 6 months. Also after 6 months, you don't have to puree the food if you don't want ( if doing blw).
I started weaning ds at 23 weeks as he wasa sitting up well by then, interested in food, had lostthe tongue thrust reflex etc.

I used to write down feeds whenever DD was eating differently (we're the other end, she's never been a big eater) and it helped a huge amount - if nothing else, it might help you spot the time of day when she is ready for an 8oz bottle etc

likelucklove i feel your pain re family wanting to 'treat' your dd. MIL constantly tried to get ds to eat chocolate/biscuits etc as soon as we weaned him. I asserted myself and explained that he had his whole life to eat these things. He is now 19mo and occassionally when he goes over shegives him a rusk ( when I have left!). Now he is over one, i am choosing my battles. The childcare and support outweigh the sugar laden diet she provides despite being stick thin and toned

The guidelines don't change all the time - they've recommended weaning at 6 months since 2003, iirc, and before that it was 4-6 months.

I agree, it's less about the weaning and more about the fact that she decided to go ahead without your say so.

See the DoH weaning leaflet here for signs of being ready to wean, and perhaps show it to MIL to get her on side too?

If that doesn't work, try saying that 'My HV says....' or 'My GP says....' so irt's not you v's her, but explain you want to follow professional advice.

Good luck.

I was about to post the same as JoJay The guidelines don't change all of the time. They changed from 4-6 months to 'around 6 months' based on evidence that early weaning may affect young babies' guts. Unfortunately, the baby food manufacturing companies are still allowed to advertise 'from 4 months'.

Best to start weaning when baby shows readiness: sitting up unaided, grabbing food off plate (and putting in mouth) and they can swallow food and not push it out.

Some babies are ready at 20 odd weeks others aren't ready until 30 weeks, every baby is different.

As for your MIL, I'd be furious too. Has she given reasons why? Was the baby distressed? I know it isn't great but hopefully it was a one off

All the best when you decide to wean anyhow!

Meant to add, this is a good read by Gill Rapely

With weaning, even if Dd appears hungry over the next few weeks, first foods for weaning are not calorific: think purée veg compared to milk. So it makes more sense to increase milk if they're hungry rather than weaning early, unless of course they're showing all 3 signs I've mentioned in my other post.

I weaned DS2 at 17 weeks but I was on my knees with him, he was eating constantly for days on end I hit the wall. That was my indicator with DS1 too at 5 months and I feel that unless you are getting that kind of signal you DD is not ready.

I would be cross if someone took that away from me too, it's a special time in your babies first steps and you and DH should have been the ones to chose and start the process.

Based on the idea your DD was trying to grab your DS's food, I'd be weaning 12wo DS on toast for breakfast now if I applied your MIL's reasoning!

weaning has so much to do with personal choice and often strongly held beliefs. It is simply not her place to interfere without asking you. There are all kinds of arguments as to what weaning too early can lead to issues wise in later life.

I have to say my MIL and FIL who were happily trying to force choc cake and tango down DD's gullet when she was tiny when we had very specifically told them she was exclusively BF and that was what we wanted (I expressed like mad so they could feed her bottles when they wanted) but they ignored our wishes, they gave her a dummy when we specifically asked them not to as well when they looked after her at 10 weeks when we had the first 2 nights of our honeymoon baby free, and honestly it simply meant that we have never trusted them with her and seldom ever do. Each time we do another thing happens (watching CSI with her when she was 2 resulting in nightmares... the list is long) so I guess what I am saying is nip it in the bud now and be clear, if she can't respect your parenting rules she'll not be trusted to spend time alone with DD.

Ooooh! If that was my MIL I'd be (quietly) fuming! I've been told that you can wean from 17 weeks (def not before) but ideally to wait to 6 months. It's up to you whether or not you carry on from here, I guess. It's entirely open to you to not feed DD solids again for a couple more months if you choose not to. I'll see you on the thread too OP, I've just started weaning DD (2nd DC) and am completely clueless despite having already done this once before!

If that was my mil I'd be in tears and fuming. How dare she take over a first that shouldve been yours! Plus a rusk! Why give a baby something full of sugar?

Can't someone else babysit for you in future?

I'd be bloody furious! Then again, I wouldn't have let the dc stay with MIl at that age, though I appreciate it is personal choice. I wouldnt give food again till 6 months or so. Babies who can't hold their heads up shouldn't be eating really, unless a doctor advises it.

I meant babies who can't sit up!

I started weaning my youngest 2 at just 13 weeks because they was drinking 14oz of milk every 3 hours.

I don't want to get into a weaning debate, but I will point out that cluster feeding is normal, formula fed babies often drink more when having a growth spurt too. The answer is more milk.

However it was not MIL's decision to make; regardless of your opinions on earlier weaning.

No I agree it should be your decision and she should of consulted you on it, but maybe she thought you DC needed it. But again she should of spoke to you.

Btw my children were given breast milk just expressed. due to having twins.

Well done on expressing for them, I could never express much for mine. Was annoying really as it was difficult to go out without them. I see why you wanted to wean earlier if you were expressing that much, it sounds like a growth spurt.