Fed up with BLW - am I doing it wrong?

[lookout]

Ds2 is 8 months old and from 6mo refused purees. We persevered for a couple weeks but he just kept his mouth clamped shut so we decided to try BLW. He picks things up and has a taste but hardly eats anything.

I'm constantly trying to think what on earth to give him next, because of timings he can't really eat with us, I'm fed up with cooking sometimes three different things every meal, the mess is atrocious - there's way more on him, his seat, bib and the floor than goes in his mouth, and I'm not seeing any progress, in spite of being at it for nearly 4 weeks now .

He still refuses a spoon. Can't give dairy because of possible allergy. No idea when to milk feed (before or after, how long before or after). He's tried loads of stuff but has never eaten a whole piece of anything. Not even half a piece of anything.

About the only thing that is a success is the sippy cup which he loves and is getting the hang of nicely. Just feel completely disillusioned with the whole thing. we've never had any of those exciting BLW moments that everyone else describes and am worried that he's never gonna get the hang of it.

Change the timings so he can eat with you? Or just feed him something set aside from the previous meal you had, no thought required. Personally I think if the baby can't copy someone else doing something, they're going to have a lot of trouble learning, so if you're not eating with him, he never sees anything to learn from.

Try not to be stressed - it's hard when you worry about their eating. But a key thing about BLW is that food is all about exploring until they're around a year old. Until then their milk will remain the key source of nourishment. I agree shared mealtimes are important - the idea is to promote food as a sociable thing to enjoy together. Even if it's just a little snack. Babies are natural grazers and don't conform to three mealtimes a day. Try to relax and let go a little - he will let you know when he is hungry. I stuffed my first two full and ended up with fussy picky eaters. Doing blw with my third was a revelation as soon as I let go of the whole control thing and just chilled out.

He does occasionally eat with us but not often enough I guess. I like having a quiet meal in the evening with dh so I guess he coul eat tea with his brother (who was traditionally weaned btw and eats everything brilliantly. So in that respect I don't agree that BLW babies necessarily grow up with better eating habits!) and lunch with me, even though I prefer to eat when he's napping. I know that stressing about it isn't gonna help but I can't seem to help it. A year seems a long time to me to be playing with food. What if he doesn't get it by then??

I'd try giving him the same as his brother and see how that goes. He may try to copy his big brother. Even if he doesn't, at least it will be sociable for him and give you one less meal to prepare. I didn't really have this problem as both mine were gannets as babies, but my DD definitely loved having meals with her big brother and eating the same thing as him. Try a few non-dairy things for both of them: omelettes or pasta and a tomato based sauce, roast veggies and slivers of meat/chicken.

I went to a blw Worksop run by a private health visitor, it's worth seeing if there's anything similar near you as I found it helpful regarding when to start and what to expect. Like 2to3 said it's really about learning about food. I used purees with dd and mainly blw with ds. It is so much easier to chuck food on his highchair tray and leave him to it for him to eat like this, the mess does get less fairly quickly :)

Thanks all for your replies. We had mixed success today with the boys eating the same thing. No interest in pasta, the chicken goujon was ok til he got a bit stuck in the roof of his mouth and got cross but the baby sweetcorn were a real hit. I do think it worked every so slightly better that he saw his brother eating at the same time, so will try to continue with this. I need to relax a bit I think, but it's not easy. I keep hearing of other BLW babies and how much they are eating and it makes me jealous!

lookout we've shared posts before I think. You sounds stressed and I think you are worrying too much!! They thing with BLW is that you genuinely don't know how much they're eating.

I don't know with dd now (nearly 10 months) but she's happy, content and her poops have changed from breast fed ones that looked like korma to slightly solid and bloody smelly!! So she must be taking something down.

She eats, plays, laughs, Eats a bit more, drops it on the floor (new thing), eats, takes a loaded spoons, throws on floor, takes another loaded spoon and eats - it's hit and miss but she's loving it.

Some days like this weekend she's ate like a baby that hasn't been fed for hours but 10 days ago she refused food for 2 days, wasn't interested. And that was fine. She told me she wasn't hungry and that her milk was enough. 3 days after that she cut 4 teeth!! So she had her reasons for being off food.

It's hard but try and trust DS to eat what he wants.

Great idea from the others about him eating with others. I have breakfast, lunch and dinner with dd. If DP and I want a quiet dinner, I'll sit with her and have a cuppa and a snack (banana or apple) so she can see me eating too.

Also, rather than cooking 3x a day, make more of the food that you make for you and DH and pop in containers to refrigerate or freeze. If I cool a chilli, curry, casserole, Sunday dinners etc I make extra and freeze for when we want takeaway dinner on our own. I rarely cook separate meals for dd other than omelette or scrambled egg which is an easy meal to make in 5 min with some mushrooms/tomoto/onion.

How long do you give him in the high chair? Dd can have a lunch and dinner over 45 min sometimes. And still be 'grazing' at the end and putting things in her mouth. Don't cut times down.

Stop
Worrying!

Hi Godisadj, yep, think the last time we crossed threads was about feeding too, guess where my paranoias/obsessions lie?? Thanks for your awesome post. It went a long way in calming my nerves. I do tend to whip him out the chair after about 20 minutes of him spreading food around the tray because he generally looks like he's not gonna eat any more. I like this though: "It's hard but try and trust DS to eat what he wants." I will try to

Stop
Worrying!

How's it gone today lookout?

Have you minimised the worrying yet?

Hey, thanks for checking back

Breakfast off a spoon, half me and half him, bowl of porridge and half a fruit pouch (some of this he sucked out himself ). Missed lunch cos he was knackered. Then ate some noodles, a bit of chicken and some cucumber at Wagamama this evening along with the rest of the fruit pouch.

Worrying today has been minimised . Tomorrow hopefully will be the same, thank you for asking!

Also, his pincer grip is not developed enough yet to really eat what we eat which is why I find myself cooking him separate stuff. We eat quite a lot of stuff in sauces - Bolognese, chilli, curry etc and the pieces are often too small for him to manage. He's still at the grasping in his fist stage so most of our food is too difficult for him to manage. Tomorrow evening ds1 has a friend for tea and they are having sausage, chips and peas which is not really suitable for ds2, so I'll find myself making something different again

My dd sounds similar to your ds - I have been doing blw due to dd refusing to be spoon fed, rather than by choice. I have also been worried that she wasn't eating enough, especially because she tends to refuse milk too. She is nearly 9 months and only in the last week or two has really started to eat things rather than throw them around. I have even started to spoon feed a few things (porridge and yoghurt) as she has started to open her mouth wide and lunge for the spoon, so I know she wants it!
If you want to stick with purely blw then go for it, I have found that dd eats more when someone else is eating too, but you could also maybe try the spoon again, and see what happens.

hazlenutlatte (my fave hot drink, byt the way ) that sounds reassuring. I was hoping that he would just eventually get used to it and start eating more, but it's a bit like the sleep thing, it's hard not knowing when they're gonna start getting it right! Since I started eating with him or getting him to eat at the same time as ds1, he's eaten a bit more, but still by no means a lot, nor as much as other babies. I guess he'll get there when he's ready.

I'm trying to trust him to eat what he wants

Try not to worry. My DD was like this until 12-13 months or so. Just living on milk and hardly eating a thing - spoon refuser too.

Now at 18 months she eats ok (though the range of foods she will eat is not wide!). I've also worked out what she actually likes. She got into it eventually, but as you say, it was incredibly frustrating for qute a long time. [4 weeks you've been trying isn't that long yet .... sorry you probably didn't want to hear that :-)]

we make lots of saucey one pot teas too, I normally cut up a few of the veggies/meat pieces really huge and them fish them out towards the end. This way he can eat what we eat. :) I found when we eat together he eats much better, as I'm not constantly staring at him waiting to take the next bite!

zosie that sounds like a good plan, cutting things bigger for him. And I have noticed that when I'm more relaxed, eating my own meal and not concentrating on him so much, he does eat better.

Jules, good to know we are not the only ones. I am trusting he will get better and trying to remember that he has more than enough from my milk atm!

Thanks all for the replies and reassurance.

you are allowed to use a spoon!
just give him a bowl and the spoon (preloaded if necessary) and let him use it himself!

you can also cut off chunks of the veg before you chop it up for your sauce and cook it in the microwave (leave it to cool while your food cooks)

I do use a spoon, but I am too nervous much of a control freak to give him the spoon himself. Oh the mess...

I'm trying so hard not to worry, but today, for example he ate nothing that I gave him

Hey lookout!

It's the same for my dd too, though she will eat yoghurt when I offer her the spoon. As long as your little one is having enough milk it's all fine. He doesn't depend on the food as much as he depends on milk really.

What I love about self feeding is that she may not like me to feed her most of the time but what she takes with her hands she chews well - so I don't worry about her chocking, plus she's really good at coughing out anything that goes in the wrong way.

It's like yesterday when we were agonising over their breastfeeding and now they're eating already

don't worry.

in my book, it says that there will be days at a time (ie, sometimes more than one day in a row) where they won't eat anything from you - as long as they're getting their normal milk, they'll be fine.
just learning to self-regulate.

:)

someone here might be having the same problem

Thanks nickel. At least I'm not the only one.

Hi metal. Can't believe we are at 8 months already! All that angst over the breastfeeding seems like a lifetime ago, and all this angst over the BLW will feel the same in another 8 months time (hopefully!). I guess I'm jsut frustrated. He doesn't really chew anything. We had one amazing meal when he ate loads, twas a BBQ when it was beautiful weather and we ate outside. But otherwise, he picks up, puts to mouth,tastes, removes from mouth, squashes and flings. Every. Single. Meal. For 8. Weeks.

Fed up doesn't even come close.

Why are you worried about the mess? It's how he learns.

You mention he has a milk allergy. Babies are smart. He might not eat much yet because it bothers him. Eg DS had intolerances to dairy and soya. He also reacted to other foods like tomatoes, carrots (!) onions, brocolli etc. so wouldn't eat them when weaning. Even now he won't touch red foods like fresh tomatoes, strawberries or raspberries. These are all acidic and triggered reflux in him. He also seemed to have a sensitive digestive system. So probably best that he took a while to get solids!

I had a lot more success with chunks of food which were basic meat and two veg style. For example, homemade burgers (chicken or lamb), fish chunks, chips, pasta etc. I cut out foods he reacted to and potential triggers like citrus etc until he was a lot older.

I found weaning tough but now he's fine!

lookout the pick up, mess about, lick and fling is normal

Mess is something you have to learn to live with when you have a small child - worrying about mess, dirt or grime and constantly wiping or stopping a child (or the floor) getting mucky are going to drive you mad!

It's only food. This stage isn't forever, and your DS will learn to eat - he won't be at school and still flinging bits of dinner around, refusing to eat. Not every day, anyway

You say I'm not seeing any progress - here's what you need to do; change your expectations! You say more food ends up on the floor and all over him than in his mouth? So I'm assuming he's playing with it? You've succeeded! He's enjoying himself and that's what it's all about.

I know it's hard to believe but your baby knows what/how much he needs. He is discovering tastes, textures, flavours and soon he'll be testing your reactions too. I think it's a very good idea for him to eat with you or your other child, that's how babies learn. So long as you are offering food and he's getting as much milk as he wants you are doing everything right!

You say you'd rather eat when he's asleep/you want to eat with your husband... Do you not think it's an important part of family life to eat together? In my family sometimes it was the only time we saw each other and got to catch up - eating can be a very social thing and it's the perfect way for your baby to learn how to do it 'properly' and see how much fun it is if you're doing it together.

Get down to the pound shop and get an old shower curtain or find an old towel to put under the high chair. Once you accept that babies equal mess you are halfway there. He will get better at it but he needs you to show him how its done.

I agree with those saying make extra of what you eat and freeze it if you can't always eat together. You're wearing yourself down if you're cooking 3 meals for each meal IYSWIM. It's no wonder you sound fed up with it all!

It's not important at this stage how much your baby is swallowing. There's different viewpoints on the milk thing by-the-way - I'd say give milk 30 mins or so before so baby gets all the nutrients he needs before embarking on the 'fun' of solids, many HVs etc will tell you "give solids first so baby doesn't 'fill up' on milk" - which until 12 months is rubbish IMO because a baby would have to eat a whole load of crap to get the calorie intake they need from solids alone.

It's a minefield I know. But it needn't be. There's good advice here and the BLW site is really good. And of course you don't have to go 100% down the puree or BLW route, you can do a combination - but if you decide to do that it should be because it suits your baby not because you think he should be eating more.

Ooh, while you're at the pound shop for the shower curtain, get some of their sleeved bibs. It's Poundland that do them, they're a bloody lifesaver. Ours are 18mo now and are still going strong.