When do you stop offering loads of alternatives to a fussy little one?!

[janethommo]

Just wondering when you should be firm with your little one with them refusing food. My little girl is nearly 11 months and is doing well on the whole trying things and having a variety but some days she just refuses things and then keeps refusing as I'm sure she knows I'll keep producing something else... and if all else fails she'll probably end up with a yoghurt or some grated cheese or breadsticks (these are her faves!)

I'm not saying I'm going to refuse offering her things as want to to keep experimenting but equally she is challenging me daily to see what she can and can't do (now standing up and seeing what she can and can't touch round the house) so my hubbie and I were wondering when should you not keep offering alternatives when they refuse to eat?

Thanks!
Jane

Well I'd stop right now . Try to remember "food is for fun until you are one". Until she is one her main source of nutrition should be milk, food is more about exploring tastes and textures.

I'd offer the food and if she refuses it fine, that's her choice. It can be distressing I know, our DD has been a persistent food refuser.

Here's what we do:

Everyone who is home eats together.
She gets what everyone else is eating.

We don't ask her to eat or comment on how much she is has or hasn't eaten.
We leave it there until we've all finished.
After about from serving 20-30 minutes we clear away.
*If she's left anything it is kept.
If we're having pudding she can have some although we don't always have pudding and often it's fruit.
*If she asks for more later, she gets the meal offered to her again.

*Our DD is a little older though and I wouldn't probably offer the leftovers back to an 11 month old as she probably won't understand that leaving her meal means she gets it later.

One thing you could try is keeping the breadsticks, cheese and yoghurt just for snacks and not producing them for meals at all. That way she will eventually realise that she doesn't get her favourites if she leaves her meal.

Haven't read this book but I've heard so many good things about it that it might be worth checking out.

My LO is 13mo and I've never offered her alternatives. She gets a smaller portion of what we eat. That's it. As long as she puts some in her mouth, I'm happy. I give her snacks in between meals, and she gets bf in the evening. So if she is hungry, she can catch up on rice cakes between meals.

jilted is a meaner mum than me . We usually throw away her leftovers because she makes them fairly disgusting. She spread them out with her fingers and forearms. But they are probably fine reheated.

I'd carry on as you are for a couple of months yet - until you think she would understand 'it's this or nothing'. She's almost a year and milk shouldn't really be her sole source of nourishment.

Also, watch what she will & wont eat and when. Little one here wont eat the same thing the second or third day (even when made fresh!) but will happily eat it again about 4 days later. He wont eat 'quick pasta' or 'rice pasta' but loves ordinary pasta. He only likes mash potato if it has a little garlic in it... it's all quite funny & it's far less annoying and more entertaining when you make the effort to see any likes/dislikes/patterns.

I also try to have another 'proper' alternative that I know he will eat, so say a lentil based dish he hasn't had in 4 days, it's normally a go-er.

I try to keep the 'top up' fairly boring - so fromage frais and plain rice crackers. He likes them, but they aren't too much 'fun'. Keep the 'fun' things for actual snacks or offered lunch not after refusals.

Ah, I am very mean indeed . Like I say though our DD is older. Lets see how mean you lot get after 4 years of food refusing .

Chipping milk should be her main source of nutrition, agree totally that it shouldn't always be her sole source of nutrition. Having said that though if her DD refuses solids for a few days she won't come to any harm.

If the OP can look at it that she does eat sometimes and is getting plenty of milk, bfs or ff, then she can maybe relax about her DD not always eating a full meal.

Also, Jane try to keep a diary of what she eats and when and don't think about it too much until you have a weeks worth written down. If you look at what she has eaten over the entire week it will probably be more than you expect.

Once she is one the milk feeds can be offered after the solids and she may start taking more of an interest in the solids then anyway.

I would always assume that food is being refused because the baby isn't hungry, as opposed to anything else, and just say fair enough. I wouldn't serve it up again later (at any age, but certainly not with a baby) I'd eat it or put it back with the other left overs. If she got hungry again later I'd give her something else.

Food is something most peoples bodies can regulate really well, it only falls down when you start tieing it up with emotions and rewards. A baby would not have learnt that so I'd always assume not being hungry - their nutritional demands also vary a lot day to day so it wouldn't be surprising if some days they simply didn't want anything.

i've never done this.

i've offered food and if they don't eat it i would assume they aren't hungry, esp if they've had a small variety to start off with.

The only time I offer my DS an alternative is when I realise I've made a mistake. I made smoked salmon risotto, with far to much smoked salmon in it, fair enough, I couldn't expect him to eat it. So I made him something else. Or when he's been really ill and needs comfort food. He's just turned 3, he doesn't know there might be an alternative We do discuss meals and he's allowed to pick food when we are food shopping, I was very surprised when he ate the smoked mackerel he had picked. I try to make as little fuss/comments over food as possible.

i have never offered an alternative to any of mine, we basically do what jiltedjohns does, its worked fine, mine are 12, 9, 7, 4 and 16mths, they have all had fussy phases, but on the whole are good eaters and you either eat whats on offer or else you go hungry! mean mum all the way here!

To add to the chorus: just don't offer an alternative. You eat what's in front of you or you don't eat at all.

IME, babies and young children often have wildly varying appetites from day to day and even from meal to meal. Sometimes they hardly eat anything, other times they seem to eat as much as an adult. So attempting to get them to eat what you consider a "reasonable" portion at each sitting is on a hiding to nothing. I don't actually think it's Mean Mummy, I think it's Sensible Mummy. .

(should have said: I have an 11 month old too, and a 3.10yr old).

Thanks everyone - good to hear your viewpoints but a little confused as some of you say don't worry keep offering a variety and many of you say just offer one thing.

I'm not worried about the amount she eats as she is on 95th centile for height and weight and overall I'd say she is a good eater.

I think I just need to assume she isn't that hungry and its a good tip to not offer her 'snack' items at a meal. I do tend to start off with a breadstick or similar though that keeps her amused while I warm up her meal.

She has started shaking her head and putting hands out to stop the spoon at times (for spoon based runny foods) so when she does this I offer her the spoon to feed herself (which she does other times) but even then she sometimes decides after a few spoons that she doesn't want it.. then I wait a few mins and try again and mouth is wide open for it!

Each to their own

what i meant was i would give a small varietyt within each meal.

so lunch might be a bit of sandwich, some tomatoes and some fruit/yoghurt
or rice cakes/toast/breadsticks and humous and olives and cheese

if that didn't get eaten i wouldn't then produce a different meal.
i would give enough for a small meal and just let her eat what she wants from it.

does that make sense?

dinner might be small portion of shepherds pie and a bit of broccoli

Yeah thisis mine might have say carrots and peas, potatoes and chicken. DD will often eat only two of the items even though she likes them all. If she's really hungry she will clear the plate.

Jane if you are giving her something to keep her amused why not just do something like putting her on the floor with the saucepans and a wooden spoon.

How does she get on with finger food?

DS is 12 months and we put stuff in front of him (BLW) and let him get on with it. Sometimes he'll eat stuff, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he starts out a meal by chucking everything on the floor, then change his mind halfway through and start eating it. Sometimes he'll reject stuff he's previously liked. There's no real rhyme or reason to it! We don't force it and always give him a healthy dessert afterwards (usually fromage frais with fruit or granola). We never give him anything else for his dinner if he doesn't eat what we're eating. It just varies on a day to day basis.

They usually say to look at what a child eats over the course of a week rather than at a single mealtime or on a single day. I'd say you're making a lot of work for yourself by keep offering something different when she doesn't eat something, and she'll also come to expect it I think.

Oh and another tip that seems to work really well, when you offer something new, also offer something you know your DC likes within the same meal. Often if I put something new in front of DS he'll just spit it out, but if I give him something I know he likes beforehand (cheese, raisins, banana) then he'll happily try the new thing.

Why would you offer a snack just before the meal? Sorry but that makes no sense! Their stomachs are not that big at this point, she is probably filling up on that.

I agree on not offering alternatives.

My DS went through a horrid fussy phase around this age, sometimes he would eat almost nothing for days. The doc said it's normal and not to worry, it all averages out over the course of weeks or months.

Sometimes they will refuse something at one meal and love it for the next -- you can go crazy trying to figure out what they really like or not.

The best way to keep your own sanity is to just offer variations on what you are eating, and if they don't eat it offer bread or cheese or yogurt. Honestly, you can drive yourself bonkers trying to get them to eat at this age, just try to stay relaxed and eventually they will start eating okay.

Thanks everyone for your reassurances, I'm sticking to finger food now as teething thrown in means she is refusing spoons (except for the holy grail that is petits filous).

She seems to be going through a phase of wanting things plain as anything with a sauce gets chucked on the floor yet plain broccoli or sweetcorn or pasta on its own does get eaten...

It's an education for sure!

Oh poor little love. Have you tired giving her ibruprofen half an hour before her main meal and putting on a teething gel like Denitnox just before? Mine both like clean, cold, wet flannels to chew on too and some chilled cucumber sticks to gnaw on. Hope she feels better soon .