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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

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Original poster

Reactions to BLW

17 replies

Pastabee · 11/03/2012 18:46

DD is 4 months and I really like the sound of BLW. I've ordered the Gill Rapley book to read up in advance of 6 months.

MIL and DM keep saying I should be weaning her now which I know isn't the right advice so i ignore their insistence that I 'stop spoiling her with breastmilk and start her on rice and gravy'! They are both obsessed with gravy which makes me worry about what DH and I were weaned onto!

I casually mentioned about BLW and got the answer 'don't be so stupid pasta babies can't / won't eat what you eat'. Anyway, I intend to ignore them both but wondered if other people had received similar comments..... Please tell me you proved them wrong!!

OP posts:

TittyBojangles · 11/03/2012 21:01

Absolutely got the same comments. Lots of people just don't 'get it' and of course any attempt to do things differently from your DM/DMIL may come across as a criticism of what they did.

My DM was very supportive of whatever I wanted to do so I was lucky, but she still thought I was mad. My DF was worried about choking, and my DGM thought it was near child abuse not to mash everything. However, as soon as they saw him tucking into a whole nectarine or whatever they totally accepted it. My DF even used it as a boast to his friends "you'll never guess what my grandson was eating today" type-thing.

Perhaps they'd be interested in reading the book themselves? But to be honest I'd just avoid eating with them for a little while if you are going to find it stressful. Your DD will get the hang of it eventually but it does take a while, and can be very messy in the meantime. Good luck!

Flisspaps · 11/03/2012 21:09

It's difficult - you have to remember that when you were weaned, the guidance was not the same as it is now and anything that you do differently to them may be perceived as either you thinking you know better, or as you sticking two fingers up at their parenting (when it is neither)

MIL was a bit about the idea of BLW and has found it difficult not to sit and spoonfeed DD (who is now 2 and she still tries to spoonfeed her or offer very 'wet' foods sometimes like mashed weetabix in warm milk, DD is very confused by it) and yet she's really happy when DD just sits and eats whatever it is she's cooked us all for tea when we visit.

I'd not engage with them in discussion about it, if they bring it up just say that advice now is to BF exclusively until 6mo and then wean. And then once you start, let them see for themselves. They'll probably be telling all their friends what a clever girl you have and how advanced she is to be able to feed herself much like TittyBojangles says her DF does! (note, I don't think it's that BLW babies are any more advanced than traditionally weaned babies, but if GPs want to see it that way, they are more than welcome!)

Original poster

Pastabee · 11/03/2012 21:54

I hope they will come round. I think you are both right that they will love it when DD eats 'nana's lasagne' or whatever. I'm sure they will still offer to 'whizz it up' first though!

I secretly think they thought they'd be able to help by feeding her / making purées. DD is EBF on demand and a bottle refuser so they haven't been able to help as much as they would have liked.

Also, a lot of their objections to the demand feeding aka 'spoiling' is well meant sympathy for me. 'poor pasta, has already had to feed DD three times today, if only she'd give her some gravy water instead'. They don't see that I don't mind.

OP posts:

babybouncer · 11/03/2012 22:20

I was lucky enough to be the second in my family to do BLW (after SIL did it with her DD2), so my MIL was thoroughly supportive, having seen it in action already. My mum was more skeptical and even though she didn't criticise, I know it worried her that I wasn't feeding DS enough. I used to (gently)point out that he was fat and happy and didn't need worrying about. She also worried that he would never learn to use cutlery (she has now conceeded this point!). I tended to just laugh them off.

Luckily for me, DS was all about the finger foods and totally rejected spoons (unless covered in petits filous) and she soon learned that there really was only one way he was going to learn to eat solids!

TBH I found other mum's reactions more challenging - just a sort of blank look when I tried to explain it, often followed by 'I tried that, but I just couldn't get enough food into him/her'. The support on MN was invaluable as I just didn't know anyone in real life (except for SIL who isn't local) who did it.

The best reaction I ever got, though, was from a friend who had a child a few months older who said 'Oh My God, you're like some kind of real mum - you're doing proper BLW!' Coming from her (she's a brilliant mum) that made me feel very good!

rrreow · 13/03/2012 14:15

Me too. And it is worrying in the beginning. My DS hardly ate any of it, just kind of sucked stuff or threw it on the floor. While when meeting up with friends their babies were eating pureed food in huge quantities. It does make you question whether you're doing the right thing. But then around 9.5 months something just seemed to 'click' with DS (probably a combination of realising that food sates hunger and much improved coordination/pincer grip) and now he's shovelling in huge quantities himself.

FredFredGeorge · 13/03/2012 15:03

PIL arrived here at 8.5months (they live abroad) having seen the odd video of DD1 eating, but little more, they were certainly sceptical in discussions before and certainly knew no-one who'd done it. But other than a lot of "hovering" around her whilst she eats, they act just like us now - but even that hovering I think this is more obsession with only grandchild than anything, as when she gags or coughs on food they don't jump in or anything and let her get on with it.

Not had any other comments other than "she can eat that?" and being quite happy with "yes".

DD is pretty good at eating (shovelling lots in from 7months), and obviously she'd been going for over 2 months before they saw her in person may well have made it easier for them to see how successful it was in terms of how much she could eat.

QueenKong · 13/03/2012 15:33

DS and DNiece are both being BLW'd. DM can't talk about it without calling it "this BLW thing" and shouting out to all and sundry "did you know this is how you wean babies these days?" while doing this face ! I just ignore. Happily DS is on the 98th centile so is obviously thriving!

candr · 22/03/2012 20:54

Started at 5m and at 6 he feeds himself if you load the spoon and puts all sorts of food in by himself.
The Gil Rapley book is a good one to read.
I find other people's reactions funny when they see the state DS gets into but when we eat out he always gets lots of attention as he looks very advanced using his spoon. My parents think it is great, so does MIL but she worry's about the mess. You should see how much food ends up in his neck folds. I would not give powder gravy as I am sure the salt content is high but DS eats most things we eat. The book gives good advice on giving chunks of meat so they don't bite big bits off. The most trouble and fun has been water meloo as he literally falls on it and sucks of big chunks which he struggles to chew. He really loves it though and if he does choke a bit it is so watery he brings it up no problem and goes back for more.
Takes a bit of guts but when I see my friends spoonfeeding jars and purees I am pleased we BLW and he seems to get more enjoyment out of it.

Mombojombo · 22/03/2012 21:34

Other mothers can be odd. I was feeding DS at baby group one day (crumpets with houmous) and the leader of the group shouted excitedly "ooo everyone, come and see Mombo and MiniMombo doing BLW". All the other mothers found something VERY interesting to look at on the floor or ceiling and totally blanked the whole thing! I think they dismissed me as a lentil weaving hippy months ago when I rocked up wearing DS in a (shock horror) SLING, and not a Baby Bjorn I tried once and couldn't get on with, but a wrap sling I used every week!

My own mom has been fascinated and happy to see DS shovelling pasta down his gizzard, but did just say to me (we're visiting this weekend) - when you give him his breakfast in the morning, do knock on Marjorie's (neighbour) door - she doesn't believe he uses the spoon himself!

HappyJustToBe · 24/03/2012 20:39

Definitely agree that people who weaned their DC when the advice was to puree food and stuff them full of gravy can take the BLW approach as criticism of them.

My DM also asked how DD was going to learn to use cutlery

However, I did get a really nice comment the other day from a co-worker who said that 10m DD was doing well and she wished the advice when she had young DC was the same as now as it seemed better to her.

Fantail · 26/03/2012 08:00

DD loves gravy . For various reasons we had to do a bit of spoon feeding but she has always had finger food as well. I just haven't given it a name to anyone.

My DM loves it as I was a really fussy eater and didn't like lumpy food at all.

Her great grandmother did suggest the other day raw egg yolk in her bottle

KH2011 · 08/04/2012 22:57

Hi, We really wanted to do BLW with our son who is now 7months. Started off, he put everything in his mouth except food! Eventually he would gum toast and rice cakes and a bit of pork but nothing else. We decided to try combination feeding and the spoon was a disaster. Then he got ill and the Dr suggested suspending solids until he was better.
Two weeks later(!) and we have started again. He has thrown up a huge amount when being given mashed banana and with mashed carrot and parsnip just creates enough saliva to eject the food. He started waking in the night for big feeds 4 weeks ago, having slept through since 6 weeks, and doesn't take a bottle so we are a little uncertain which way to go forward now. We have started trying to give supplementary formula from a Doidy cup and he will take about 10-20ml.
Currently he is teething again and seems to have a cold. Looking at other posts on this forum it may be that this is also a hindrance?
Any advice would be most welcome.

midori1999 · 09/04/2012 08:57

I have only ever had one comment, which was from a relative of my husband when our daughter had just started weaning and she scoffed at it and said 'you'll be just chucking her in a swimming pool next to see of she can swim!' Obviously I just ignored!

OlivesTree · 09/04/2012 11:06

rreow your comments are so reassuring. My DD is ebf and refuses anything (bottles, spoons, calpol, etc) coming towards her mouth so I think BLW is going to be the only way for us. I am concerned that she is eating barely anything- although we have only been at it a few weeks, so it's very early days, so it is great to hear how well your LO is doing with it.

HappyCamel · 09/04/2012 11:14

I think it's easier if you think of it as an attitude to feeding rather than only giving finger foods. Whether its porridge on a spoon or carrot sticks or shredded meat the main thing is that the baby actively participates in the food going in its mouth rather than just gaping and swallowing.

I was lucky, DM was a HV in the same area as Gill Rapley but DH's family were far more sceptical, luckily DH is totally pro.

OlivesTree · 09/04/2012 11:16

I am reading so many conflicting views on what is ok to start with and what I should wait on. DD doesn't like to touch anything remotely slimy, which rules out a lot. I think she would probably like a rough bit of toast, but wheat was one thing that I thought that I would put off until later, now I am not so sure. What is everyone elses view on this? And cheese too- is that ok yet? My DD is 25 weeks.
Yesterday trying unsuccessfully yet again to get her to eat her bland and boring oat cereal, she reached out and grabbed a mint leave from the bunch being used to flavour the roast lamb and sucked happily away on that instead!

JollyRogerRabbit · 09/04/2012 11:22

I'm pretty sure of myself most of the time, so when I decided BLW was right for DS then that was the way we went. He gets the odd spoon of things - I haven't yet found a BLW way to feed him yoghurt that doesn't involve there being much much more yoghurt on his face/clothes/furniture than in his mouth.

I figure that as long as your DD is the kind of baby who picks things up and puts them in her mouth then she'll be fine. We actually started blw a bit early (about 23 weeks ish) and I don't regret it - DS was just tasting things anyway it's not like he actually ate much until around 7 months.

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