BLW is child abuse

[DitaVonCheese]

... according to my mum

Started weaning 25.5 wo DS a couple of days ago. The other day he had some toast and pear at her house and gagged a bit. She panicked and was slapping him on the back and trying to fish it out of his mouth. Annoying. So after that I decided we'd just steer clear of feeding DS around her for a few months (she hated BLW when we did it with DD too).

Today we happened to be round and she told me that she hated it. She thinks it's cruel because of the gagging. She can't seem to grasp the difference between gagging and choking (people die of gagging you know!). If I was beating DD with a switch every time she wet herself then she'd have to say something too, it's the same thing So now I am banned from BLW DS in her house. I'm most annoyed about the fact I'd already decided not to do it in her house

Grr!

Isn't it great when parents are supportive!

My DS gags on puree!

Just carry on what you're doing OP and don't listen to her.

My DM can't stand it either! She exploded into a mini rant the last time we went for Sunday dinner.

I swear she takes it as a criticism of her spoon feeding me and my brother in the 70s .

I try to let it wash over me.

Does she not remember that puree-weaned babies gag too when they start on lumps? Is it child abuse if you don't keep them entirely on purees until they leave home?

Sigh. I know that she's just concerned about my children because she loves them, but it's still frustrating.

She's emailed a sort-of apology (it's called "sorry but" ) but she's still right and I'm still wrong and BLW is "unnatural, unnecessary and unpleasant" apparently (not far off how I feel about purees funnily enough!).

I think she has forgotten that spoon-fed babies gag too.

I think she takes it as a criticism too - not so much this but she was really annoyed that I waited until 6 months (ish) to wean both DC. Apparently no one knows when the right time to wean is and maybe my generation/current advice is wrong and we're causing all sorts of health problems by weaning "late".

I am a lot less upset about this than I was when she accused me of abusing DD by continuing to breastfeed her when she had a vomiting bug when she was 18 months. I should have switched to water because breastmilk was making her throw up With that one she actually bothered to check her facts with some GPs (we have lots in our family) and they agreed with me.

On the plus side I'm getting better at having confidence in my own decisions and letting her criticism wash over me. On the negative side, it's making me want to see her less as I think we get on better when we don't see other so much (we moved nearer my parents when I was pg with DD).

Thanks for the replies and letting me vent!

NZ is lovely :)

Ask her to read Gill Rapley's book before she comments again.

Ha - my parents have visited NZ and loved it so much that they tried to persuade us all to move there when they got back, so I think there'd be a danger of them following us

I wouldn't mind so much if she was willing to read or consider any, you know, evidence and stuff, but unfortunately such authorities as the DoH, WHO, Unicef, Millenium Study, etc etc have no weight against my mum's made up facts (eg from her last email: "if a nurse on a geriatric ward gave a toothless old woman chunks of food to eat she would be sacked and probably prosecuted" - well I suppose that's nearly right ...)

Also I was smacked and/or locked in my room on a number of occasions as a child.

So ...

BLW - bad
human breastmilk - bad
cow breastmilk - good
smacking - good

Starts to wonder if Dita is my mum's secret lovechild...

My MIL, who is slightly more open minded, suggested I give my mum the BLW book to read. I can just imagine what would happen - and it would happen exactly like this. She would refuse to read it and then tell everyone who'll listen about the cheek of me for giving her a book about how to feed a baby!

DM is known for making lots of passive aggressive remarks about how she 'hasn't killed one yet' every time I do anything that differs from her own methods.

Haha that sounds like my mum. She told me I shouldn't let DD cough as it leads to asthma! It's as If I wanted DD to cough. She got bronchiolitis 2 months ago and doctors says she will have lingering coughs for a while.

Anyway she doesn't believe the NHS page that cough syrups are useless. She kept saying we were given them when we were young and we grew up without asthma. So scientific!

She has a lot of whacky theory about foods

You gotta love 'em.

aaargh - the "toothless" thing really irritates me - babies HAVE teeth, they are inside the incredibly hard little gums, they just haven't erupted yet. No, babies can't chew in the same way as an older child, but it's not the same thing as a toothless elderly person at all!

I think ignoring is the only way to go!

My mum is terrible too! She says its horribly messy, that it seems awful to encourage your child to put their hands in their food and everytime he so much as makes a noise she gasps in horror! We've agreed to disagree as she can see how well he eats. She still insists on spoon feeding him so the rare occassions she feeds him I let her get on with it. He isn't fussy how it goes in to be honest :)
Fun!

I'm glad to know I'm not alone, even if it's rubbish for all of you Love the cough syrup cures asthma thing!

GG yes, if and when I get around to replying, I will be pointing out that DS most certainly does have teeth (ouch).

cc my mum once told DD that she "didn't love her when she was messy" when we were weaning her and she was covered in food. I was literally speechless (much to my chagrin). Mmm, conditional much?!

What would your mum make of my dd. spoon fed puréed food til 9 months then refused spoon so we now BLW and I help her by holding out things for her to bit (10m old). Should I just starve her instead seeing as she won't eat mush anymore??

Well, obviously. If you didn't starve her it would be abusive, obviously.