Starting weaning and my anxiety attacks are returning.

[bettieblue]

I have found being a mother really hard, when ds was 5 months old i felt like id got the hang of it a bit, knowing when he was hungry, tired etc. I started blw 2 weeks ago, i feel out of my depth again and my anxiety attacks are returning. I need some advice/ reassaurance please.

DS is on 4 bottles (240ml x 4) and on 75th percentile so a fairly big boy, im always a bit paranoid about over feeding him particularly as he ff. I am doing blw and giving a variety of foods, depending on what i give him depends on how much goes down- i realise its early days. Im confused about when to drop bottles and how.... i don't believe he will naturally drop them, i thin k if i gave him a bottle at anytime he would take it. Some days he has 1 meal, somestimes 2 or 3 it depends on his naps and if hes too tired or not. I always do breakfast though. He has bottles at approx 7.30,11.30, 2.30/3 and bedtime 6.30. Today he had 7,11 bottle, he wolfed down tuna/ potato croquette and parsnip for lunch at 1.30 and an hour later he wants his bottle. Im now beginning to doubt myself was he really hungry? I don't want to feed him too much, if hes taking 4 bottles at that volume and meals surely thats too much. How do i reduce bottles and when.

im sorry it sounds silly but the anxiety has started to take over and i had an attack yesterday, i need to get a grip and some advice would help me please.
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Firstly, food is for fun until one - so dropping milk feeds isn't something you need to really consider until then.

Secondly, are you offering water to him - he might be thirsty rather than hungry. Don't just give water with meals, try having it on offer all the time - a lidded beaker that he can get to any time he likes isn't a bad idea. If he still wants the milk instead of water, then he's probably still hungry.

You could try offering an earlier lunch (say 12pm) and then a small snack with the water instead of milk at 2.30pm - but he may well still just want the milk, and that's fine.

Little children are very good at regulating their own food intake, please try not to worry too much about him not dropping bottles (I know that's FAR easier for me to say from over here behind my PC than it is for you to do) - it's not about 'getting a grip' - it's about working out how best to manage yet another steep parenting learning curve. It is hard, and I don't think there's anyone who hasn't felt out of their depth at some point :)

Thankyou......i don't think it helps im a bit of a control freak and as im quickly learning you can't control babies! Apart from breakfast his other meal times are really hit and miss. My understanding was you offer milk feed and then wait an hour before giving a meal. Ive tried to leave at least 45 mins after a feed but sometimes by then hes tired and needs a nap which is why lunch today was at 1.30pm. So meals are being slotted in after milk feeds and sometimes before naps,sometimes after which is why some days ive only managed one meal! Would i really need to wait till hes on 3 meals a day before i offer food before milk?

Im getting him weighed tommorrow , hopefully he won't have rocketed above his 75 line and will speak to the hv. Im not overly impressed so far though with them and they told me just before i started he should be on 3 meals a day and 568ml of milk by the time hes 8 months.....

I never bothered with sticking to offering milk an hour before a meal - DD had her bottle at whatever time she normally did (IIRC about 10/11 and then again at 3ish), and then was offered solids when I ate my meal - so around 9.00am, 12.30pm and 5pm. If there was a bigger or smaller gap because the bottle or meal came at a different time, then so be it.

If you're not impressed with the HV, you don't need to take him to see them - one will tell you he should be on 3 meals a day by 8 months, another will tell you not to worry and follow his lead, another will tell you that he's not getting enough food or milk, and another will say he's getting too much!

Agree with Fliss, don't worry about dropping the bottles yet, his main source of nutrition should be the milk at this stage. Weaning is more about getting them used to different tastes and textures rather than filling then up and dropping milk.

Also agree on making sure he has access to water at all times.

The advice is to offer solids an hour after milk until they are one, but this is to make sure they are filliing up on the milk and not solids, if that makes sense. Don't worry at all though if he is tired and you are offering solids when he wakes up.

It seems that his weight is bothering you a little, is he in proportion? If his length is say on the 2nd centile and his weight is on the 75th you may have some cause for concern, but if his weight is the 75th and his length is somewhere around there too I can't see that it would be a problem. Soon his weight gain will slow anyway as he grows and moves around more.

Personally though I would stop taking him to be weighed. Lots of HVs do not give out evidence based information and having him weighed seems to be causing you more anxiety.

Have you spoken to the GP about your feelings? Have you been offered CBT? This helpline and website is very good and may be a good starting point for helping you and thought you might find this and this helpful too.

Hi

You are right i shouldn't have got him weighed, after waiting an hour i saw the HV. He has now gone over the 75th percentiles, she didn't seem too concerned as she said they would see if it was a trend. He has been tracking the 75th till now and i am worried. He is long but i don't know what percentiles he is on- i will measure him! Anyhow I explained i was blw and she looked perplexed saying she heard of it but they didn't cover it on their training and how was he eating if he fed himself ?!! She then told me i should do meals before offering milk and she couldn't offer an advice on how to drop feeds/ reduce milk in case he was hungry?!

I think i am going to reduce the amount of his 11 and 3 bottle slightly but if anyone can advise usually which bottle is first to go (is it 11am bottle) that would help me moving forward.

I did go to the GP after DS was born and was referred for counselling, by the time i got offered an appt i felt better, i think i will go back though.

bettie know you are really concerned about his weight but he sounds fine to me, as you have said he is long so sounds perfectly in proportion.

Sadly I don't think your HV is giving you evidence based, current information. He should be having his milk first so that he fills up on that.

As for reducing his milk, I seriously would advise against it. You could be limiting his growth. The only time I would consider reducing a babies milk at that age would be on the advice of a Paed.

At the moment I would concentrate on you. There seems to be no problem with your babies weight but seems to be a problem with how your perceive it the current situation.

Think that seeing your GP as asking for some CBT and or medication is a good idea and I would give the helpline a ring too .

bettie do you think it would be a good idea to post in this section about your feelings regarding DS weight?

bettie I agree with JiltedJulieJohns here. Concentrate on you rather than putting all your worries onto what DS weighs and what you're doing about his milk feeds. Follow his lead. When he doesn't want the milk any more, he will let you know.

The HVs are often useful and many are wonderful but you do get some who don't keep up to date and who can give advice which does more harm (to mum's confidence more often than not) than good.

When I weaned DD we did BLW, I took her to the HV for her 6 month check and she said I could start giving finger food with her puree - I said we were doing BLW and so was just eating what we ate anyway. She looked really confused and asked who I was doing that with (erm...DD, I said?!) She then looked at me like I was daft and wanted to know who was 'teaching' me that, and gave me a catsbum mouth when I said I'd read the Gill Rapley book. And then told me I could start to give DD finger foods with her meals again!

Don't forget too bettie that a baby who follows one centile line throughout its first year is the exception, not the norm and weight gain isn't usually a linear process.

Many babies, including mine, get chubby looking and then grow taller all of a sudden. DS has been doing this from day one and he is 7.5 now. If I'd restricted his food intake when he was getting chubby he may not have had the resources to grow those inches.

The current weight charts have been developed so that it is easy for a HP to see if your DS is overweight. Your HV doesn't seem concerned about him at all so I'd take her lead.

Like Fliss and I have said, please concentrate on yourself for a while. Parenting throws new challenges at you all the time and it is best for you and your family if you are well and feeling able to deal with them.

Hi

Thanks for your replies, feeling a little less stressed, DS has started to bring up feeds (not loads) and faff a bit towards the end of bottle so is taking slightly less milk anyway. I'm going to get my referral for counselling started again though.

Glad you are feeling a little less stressed bettie . Getting the counselling started sounds like a really good idea too.

Hope you start feeling better soon.

Really sorry, posted the wrong link! Thought you might like this book .