Offering alternatives if dc refuses dinner?

[ellesabe]

This has recently joined the list of things I said I'd never do!

I really don't want to breed a fussy eater but I worry that dd will wake hungry in the night if she hasn't had enough. She always wakes at least once for milk and sometimes takes a while to settle back down.

It is her first birthday tomorrow and have decided that it's time to stick to my guns a bit more. She refused her (lovingly homecooked) dinner tonight and so I haven't offered her an alternative.

I suppose I just want some reassurance really, that I'm doing the right thing! She had an average breakfast and lunch, as well as a couple of snacks so it's not like she's going to starve. I just worry about her getting enough before bedtime.

Personally If she was older I wouldn't offer an alternative but I think a 1 year old may be too young to understand! I only have one DD (14 months) so other mums might be able to give you a better idea!

Personally If she was older I wouldn't offer an alternative but I think a 1 year old may be too young to understand! I only have one DD (14 months) so other mums might be able to give you a better idea!

I always use pudding as a way of getting my DD1 to each her main meal regardless of whether she thinks she likes it. If she eats a certain number of spoonfuls then she can have something she wants like a banana or yoghurt etc. Works for me

I think 1 is far too young to try the 'eat it or eat nothing approach'

I'd try a simple alternative like fruit, toast or a sandwich, or warm it up for her in a bit.

It could just be that she's not hungry when refuses to eat (rather than fussiness, stubbornness or 'testing you' which is what some people think it is) and that's not a bad thing, she's still listening to the cues her body is giving her rather than eating for the sake of it.

At 1 I would give her dinner, if it's not eaten then take it away and not offer anything else, but I would give something like toast or a banana half an hour later (when she's totally forgotten about dinner and probably quite hungry)

Thanks for all the advice - you're all so sensible! :)

This has me confused too as I'd said i'd never get into this, but then you start to feel bad if they haven't eaten anything but surely if they are hungry they will eat?

I make sure I offer a healthy snack like some banana or something to my 10 month old DS mid-morning and mid-afternoon so if he doesn't eat his dinner he is still getting offered food at regular intervals. Yesterday he didn't eat his lunch and refused his snack in the afternoon so I'm guessing he just wasn't that hungry? He is still getting milk 3 times a day though so that probably keeps him going.

Definitely too young to not have anything before bed. They are still very much learning about food tastes, textures, what they like and don't like. Toddlers often go through various phases later on where they suddenly don't like things they did or textures they did etc so it really does take quite a few years before they are refusing anything just to be "difficult".

I wouldn't want to get into the making separate meals each night with a toddler or a baby but I would definitely have things I would offer instead - toast/crackers/yoghurt/fruit (whatever your child will currently eat) as its important they don't get into issues over food.

I personally think using food for reward, ie "pudding if you eat your dinner", is wrong.

using do you still offer pudding if the main is refused or give no pudding at all?

Lightofthemoon I absolutely would offer pudding if the main is refused. I don't think that 'pudding' should be used as a reward for eating a main. Food is fuel, not a prize.

I found Nevercan's approach - if a child doesn't want or like something, then they shouldn't be made to eat X amount of it if they don't want to, with the promise of something sweet afterwards. One taste maybe, but not several spoonfuls even if the child doesn't like it.

If I was offered a main that I just didn't fancy and then was told I wasn't allowed any dessert because I hadn't eaten or even tried the main, I'd not be a happy girl.

I have three little darlings, they're now 4, 7 and 9 and lots and lots of experience of fussy eaters, my 9 year old would eat anything from day one (and he was a premie), my lovely 7 year old daughter though was an absolute nightmare, food just wasn't important to her. After years of battles she now eats just fine. When no 3 came along (displaying all those fussy signs), I made the decision that those battles, once you start down that road, are just not worth it. Hours of sitting at the table trying to get them to eat, the stress, the upset, the dread of every single solitary meal time. Nope, wasn't going there again! So, to summarise, 1 is too young to set the ground rules (topping them up in the bath with weetabix works really well and you clean all the mess off whilst you're at it!), also children do not starve themselves, when old enough they'll soon learn that if they don't eat they don't get anything else but you're most likely quite away off that yet. Don't fret, just top up, the only one that is stressing over this is you and I know that feeling, it's not nice! Good luck!

When my dd refused a meal at that age, I simply gave her her usual fruit and yoghurt for pudding and left it at that. She never woke in the night, and sometimes ate more at breakfast, sometimes less, there wasn't really a pattern. I think not eating usually just means not hungry. I do find it helpful to give her her main meal in the middle of the day though, so that if she doesn't eat much then she's got teatime to make up for it. If she's had a good lunch, on the other hand, it's fine if she just nibbles on a sandwich or is a bit picky later.

I definitely don't use food as a "prize" so pudding was always offered (if it was there that is). At one she only had fruit and/or yoghurt though and we pretty much still do this during the week. Weekends we might have "proper pudding".

I think their appetites do vary and they are learning so much about food and tastes that I wouldn't personally recommend turning it into a battleground.

It's very different when you have (much) older children and you are teaching manners about eating what is in front of you when you are a guest at someone's house and about learning at home. Being told to "clear your plate" is one way of overriding the messages to the brain that tell you when you are full and is certainly something I have had to relearn! I now try not to keep going when I am full just because it is there.

I always offer something else. So sometimes I scramble an egg in the microwave (takes around a minute so hardly time consuming), offer brown soda bread or toast, or, if she has only taken a mouthful and I'm worried she genuinely doesn't like it, I have a stash of little portions in the freezer that I'll defrost so I can try something else.

My parents never made me finish everything on my plate and I remember as a young child not wanting to go to a friend's house because their mother made me. So I never force anything on her but do try alternatives in case it's not to her taste.

She's definitely too young to understand "If you don't eat this, it's your own fault when you're hungry later"