SIL and her mother keep going on about oat flakes

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DS is nearly 7 1/2 months, small but active fit as anything (he pulled himself up to stand today !). We've been doing baby-led weaning for nearly a month now, VERY slowly, with veg as lunch (basically as finger food, but some crushed soft pieces of food on fork) and just introduced an evening meal yesterday. So far he's had carrot, parsnip, apple and potato. The plan is to continue introducing veg, fruits and such things as rice cakes. I'm still bf fairly frequently in the day and 1-3 times at night, but not bothered about this at all.
Anyway, we're staying with BIL and family at the moment and SIL and her mother keep telling me I should be giving him purees with oat flakes and veg/fruit in - they also suggested oat and soya milk purees, although I only want him to have bm until he's 1. They also think he should be eating from a spoon and on more meals than he is and that he would sleep better if he was (his sleep is a bit of a nightmare - he can and does sleep 4-7 hours at a stretch, but only goes off very late - between 10 and midnight - but he only started crawling on Boxing Day and I think the more mobile he gets the more tired he'll get). They also say finger foods are bad because he can't really chew them yet and isn't digesting them. I'm a bit upset about it, because I really think they should let me get on with doing it how I want, but I'm afraid I've got the nagging doubts now - are they right?

that is 'I want him to have only bm until he's 1'

course they aren't right

if your son is happy and healthy then you stick to your guns

What is it about family? Are you asking them to get up at night with DS? No? Then they should mind their own ruddy business! But family never do, do they?

Anyway, they're not right - at 7.5 months it should be milk, milk and more milk. When they make you wobble about BLW, remind yourself how smug you'll feel (and look!) when DS starts to eat a reasonable amount of proper food while his peers are still being spoon-fed pap.

i don't think there is a wrong or right in this case.

they're just telling you the information they were given when they weaned, or the most common way of doing it, which is still to give purees from a spoon!
there is totally nothing wrong with the way you are weaning him... but it probably just seems a bit weird to your sil and her mum!

in terms of oat flakes etc there is no reason at all why your ds shouldn't have them, and you can always mix with ebm! but there is also no reason why you OUGHT to give it to him if you don't want to!

you are definitely right that once they;re mobile they do get tired, and sleep better! we certainly noticed this with ds. But it may be worth giving him some food before bedtime if you want to try and fill him up and get him sleeping longer.
but if you're happy with how things are right now then carry on! you're doing nothing wrong!

I don't think there is anything wrong with giving purees of simple foods - mothers in 'traditional' cultures give chewed up food from their own mouths to their babies, the pre-industrial version of the moulimix

However I don't think there's anything wrong with continuing as you are, if you feel he is happy, healthy, and gaining weight. Breast milk is more nutritious than virtually anything else he coulc be having at this stage anyway, food should just be for fun and interest before they are older and hungrier. Good luck, it's so upsetting when people (well-meaningly) undermine what you want to do.

Wanted to add - the sleep thing is a bit of a red herring - there are probably all sorts of things you could do to get him to sleep longer, but they are not necessarily what is best for him, as people seem to assume. Waking up several times for breastmilk is very normal, and as long as you are happy, not a sign of a problem.

Thank you
It's good to have something to banish the NDs (nagging doubts) now and again.
ds has just had his evening meal - pieces of potato and butternut squash. He ate hungrily and is now having a 'dessert' of bm

Open your eyes wide and say in a surprised tone - "but how could a puree fill him up more, when my milk has more calories?".

Take a look at some baby food jars in the supermarket - calorie content of veg puree with some rice added is 60 at the most, some as low as 45kcal per 100g. Breastmilk is 70 per 100ml IIRC - and they drink more milk in a "meal" than they would eat of purees. Purees are an eating-learning device for people who want to wean that way - they still get most of their nutrition from milk.

Me, I'd love to feed ds some purees but he won't have them. Send your MIL over to me.

Your message sounds strangely familiar to me! You could be describing what we went through when we started solids with ds (now 17 months). After a lot of research & reading we went down the blw route as well and like you started very slowly - one meal at first, all finger foods and loads of bm! MIL (who has been a childminder for 30+ years) kept saying that she had never seen a baby weaned like that and that all her babies needed things pureed and wouldn't take lumps . We just stuck to our guns & got on with it & she soon learnt to not say anything - it didn't change what we did. I never had any doubt that what we were doing was the very best for ds - and he now eats far more, and far more healthily, than many babies his age (despite still bf very often) and can eat anything with his hands as well as getting good at the spoon and fork himself (we only help by loading them for him occasionally).

It is a pity that such comments have knocked your confidence - lots of things you can do to counteract their comments:

• try to hold onto why you decided to wean like this in the first place & just tell your relatives to mind their own business (if you can) and that you are happy with the way things are going.

• What does your DH have to say about all this? - might make his relatives shut up if he tells them rather than you!

• Ask them for any scientific studies on the merits of puree feeding and the effect solid food has on baby sleep patterns (they might struggle to find any that agree with their own views ).

• quote some studies of your own to shut them up:
  www.babyfriendly.org.uk/weaning.aspbabyfriendly - weaning
  kellymom - solids & sleep

• Print out Gill Rapley's guidelines on the blw yahoo group's file section (link here ) for them to read so they understand where you are coming from.

• point out that babies are pefectly able to chew at this age - most molars (chewing teeth) don't appear till later (my ds has only just got his) and if they stick their fingers in your LO's mouth they will find he can chew pretty well!!

• also point out that they are probably just not used to seeing a nappy from baby whose eaten real food - puree fed babies poo puree so you can't tell what they have digested - it gets hidden by all the milk poo! Really TMI but maybe ask them to inspect their own poo - they might be surprised how much recogniseable food is in there

• are there any instances of hayfever, asthma, excema or other allergies in yours or your dh's family - you can use these as ammo to explain why you want to move slowly to avoid similar for your LO. Gluten (which oats contain, albeit in small quantities) and soya are well known allergic foods. Processed foods like soya milk are also good to avoid for the same reason - hard to know what a baby is allergic to if it has lots of ingredients (there's usually a long list for soya milk)

Stick to your guns love - you sound you are doing fine - your relatives just need a little bringing up to date - maybe look at it as your job to educate them rather than having to battle them - its not really their fault they were told innacurte information.

Keep us posted how you get on.

Thanks sahzig and fruitful!
I've got asthma and dh has some weird very occasional allergic rash on his hands which we've never been able to isolate the cause of - so the allergy thing is definitely a big issue.
dh is a tiny bit of a problem. On the one hand he is very supportive, otoh he also thinks I'm a bit too obsessive about the whole issue of nutrition - I moved from mixed feeding after a bad bf start to exclusive bf by 4 weeks, and during that time I was struggling to bf as it meant so much to me, he was a bit unsupportive as he really didn't understand HOW important it was to me... He often - particularly to his parents and relatives - sort of subtly shows he doesn't really agree with me, which is his perfect right of course, but I really wish he'd just present 'us' as a united front sometimes!

How annoying about your DH - but as long as he actually follows the path you wish to then at least your LO gets the care you want - I should think he is probably feeling a little like piggy in the middle & finding it hard to please everyone - have you tried showing him all the links & books etc on solids & bf to convince him just how important it is to you. It sounds daft but I often read to my dh at bedtime, he quite likes it & finds it relaxing and I get to fill his head full of pro bf & other stuff!

I have posted this link on the other blw thread but though you might also find it useful for avoiding allergies for your LO:
link

Just tell them that if they like oatflakes so much then they are perfectly free to eat them to their heart's content!

Babe OTOH will have what he fancies, as interpreted by his nearest ally in the world, his dear mummy

Next time they come to visit you can reinforce this message by serving them porrige for breakfast, lunch and dinner and for supper too - but I suspect that they will have made their excuses and left by then

"They also say finger foods are bad because he can't really chew them yet" Load of rubbish - have you felt how hard your baby's gums are when they clamp down on, for example, a finger?? Provided you're not giving him anything really hard that he could choke on then there's no problem.

Thanks for the linbk sahzig.
Love it Soapbox - porridge, porridge and porridge
Thanks soupy. I was sure they were talking b*ocks but couldn't think of an appropriate argument to answer!