bf 8 month old still not interested in food or sleep - help please

[shrub]

my ds3 is just 8 months and have been trying for the past 2 months mashed banana, carrot, avocado, apple, potato, sweet potato, beans, rice, bread etc. and he clamps down and refuses all offers. have tried changing spoons, finger foods and he is still not interested. he loves to play with the food and he licks his lips and imitates his brothers at mealtimes but again clamps lips together. i have managed to get a spoon down him a few times when his mouth was open but he seems to panic when he comes to swallow and gags it back up again.
after having 2 ds's who happily fed at 6 months i don't know what to do next. he is also feeding every couple of hours day and night unless i go out and leave him for 3 hours with dh. he does his hungry cry as soon as he sees me or hears my voice and can only get him to sleep by letting him feed or chew as he's also teething (he is still in our bed as can't risk letting him cry because it would wake everyone up and ds1 goes to school and dh works). he's a very happy chap but i am so tired during the day ds1 and ds2 need my time aswell.
anyone had any experience of this and/or advice?

Can you leave off giving him any food for a week or so - I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear!

Then when you reintroduce it, let him sit with you all at mealtimes and just give him some bits to play with. Don't use a spoon at all - he's old enough to feed himself bits of bread/toast, fruit, veg, cheese, etc.

That way it's totally non-threatening and non-confrontational for you.

As for the sleep - the way we cracked DS waking in the night was for DH to be the one who always went to him (but he was about 10mo when we did this) - but if your DS3 isn't eating much during the day, he may well be hungry at night. How you choose to balance bfeeding him in the night is a decision you can make when you see how he takes to food again.

Until you want to crack the waking at night thing, try to get DH to have the older two on one of his days off so you can rest and nap when DS3 does.

thanks hunkermunker will ease off with the spoon -when your dh went to your ds in the night did he then get your ds back to sleep? my dh takes my ds3 downstairs but struggles to get him back to sleep as he just wants the comfort of feeding - won't even take water from a cup or dummy.

I think it is a good idea for dh to go in. As someone said to me "they can smell your milk..." and so baby tends to think that milk is on the menu. I appreciate what you are saying about waking the rest of the family up, but could taking ds3 downstairs be waking him up a bit and making it harder for him to get back to sleep?
I could be wrong, it's a genuine question.

thanks brusselbeansprout - there are only 3 beds in our house and so ds3 is in with us, there is nowhere else to take him when he wakes and the others are light sleepers so we tend to react as soon as ds3 whimpers. most of the time i just feed him back to sleep but its getting harder to function during the rest of the day on so little sleep. we've built a bit of a rock for our backs by jumping to attention as soon as he stirs but its a small house and if he gets louder we would have all 3 boys awake and having breakfast at 4.30 which has happened more than once!
i'm baffled by it to be honest as i thought i had a handle on sleeping/feeding having had 2 before but he just doesn't seem to want or need to sleep or have solids. loathe to ask hv as it will start a chain of events with charts, monitoring ticks and crosses etc. but i know (or hope) that once we have got the feeding sorted out then the sleep will get better too

shrub, at about this age my ds was a nightmare at night and tbh i left him to it, i appreciate your situation re beds, but what do you plan lingterm re sleeping, i found my dd slept thru ds and she is a light sleeper.
i breadt feed ds solidly til 13mths but at 8 mths i needed sleep so i straved him in the day to ensure he got good feeds from me, he was a quick feeder so i never felt sure enought that he had enough, but he got 4 feeds from me plus his solids prior to me and that was it. mean moony took over, dh wasnt here all the time and i have to nights by myself regularly.

shrub i would go easy in the day breastfeeds to get the food into him and it may take a week but perceverience will hopefully work for you.

how often are u feeding him in the day?

omg excuse my spelling. long nails for the first time in ages, not use to them at all!

and btw i do know where u are coming from re sleep and i feel for you and dh
thats why i turn into mean mommy re sleep issues!

Its the Christmas holidays. I think you can afford to worry less about the rest of the family getting sleep (they can always nap to catch up) and concentrate on getting DS3 to sleep better. If your older two are awake at 4.30 am it does not mean they have to get up and have breakfast. They can be sent back to bed. Agree about hte idea of DH going to settle DS. When he wakes could you go downstairs and camp out on the sofa and try and leave DH to deal with him - maybe with expressed milk?

thanks hermykne - every 2-3 hours. we plan to divde a bedroom next year. i don't mind sharing the room with him its just his appetite for milk at night thats getting me so tired.
bozza - just talked with dh and he's agreed to be more involved with feeding/sleeping and try and get him motivated and hungry enough to eat
thanks

Shrub, yes, DH managed to get him back to sleep (DH is FAR more patient than I am ). But, and this is a big but - we only had the one child, we have two bedrooms, so he was in his own cot and I am far more arsey without sleep than you are (I know this because I am the arsiest person in existence without sleep!), so DH was VERY motivated to help out with DS's sleep.

In your situation, I'd give going downstairs to the sofa a try and leave DH with DS3. Coming downstairs will soon be associated with waking up and having breakfast/playing for your DS, so best not to get him into the habit of it.

Good luck with it - I know how hard it is to think straight or plan on not much sleep (am dreading it again with a newborn, but have a bad case of pregnancy optimism...!).