Nearly 1yr old DS,BLW,night feeds-think i have got it all wrong!please help...

[Mimmit]

My son has never really slept through the night. I am still bf 2 or 3, sometimes 4 times a night. BLW is going ok but I never expected him to still be bf so much. Not sure he actually eats that much food.
I wanted to let the bf tail off naturally especially as the BLW recommends that they should have milk when they want it up to a year. Anyway, though I will be sad to stop, I am getting tired of it and he is quite rough when feeding.
I have started to question my whole routine and wonder if he is not eating enough because he is getting too much milk. It doesn't help that he just will not take food off a spoon (apart from yoghurt).
I am ill at the moment and just fed up but I just don't see how this is going to change. He won't settle at night without a feed and I am cosleeping at the moment while I am ill (because he doesn't resettle in his cot well which I guess is a whole other thread) and it is killing me. DP took over nights for a while and got him to settle with milk from a beaker at bedtime and during the night. When I went in again after 2 weeks to give DP a break he refused beaker from me and just screamed til I gave in and bf. Now DP can't settle him/put him down. Now at night he will bf but will also want some from his beaker. Sometimes he arches his back and holds his hand out for it .
Any advice, shared experiences, hand holding much appreciated. I just feel I have done it all completely wrong

if anyone is out there with help I'd love to hear from you.

I can tell you how I stopped night feeds, though I know there are gentler night weaning methods (think I've heard Jack Newman mentioned?).

Basically we decided no milk between 11pm and 6am. DS is in his own cot, and if he woke between those times he could have water, dummy and cuddles - after 6am he comes into bed with me for a feed. When we first did it DP always went to him and would often rock him and let him fall asleep in his arms, but it worked quite quickly. Recently it's all gone awry due to teething/illnesses so we're back to square one a bit - now when he wakes one of us goes in and offers a cup of water, gives him his dummy and a kiss and leaves, and repeat every 5 minutes til he was back to sleep. First night he woke 5 times, second night twice and last night he was awake once from 4.30am til 5.15am. It was pretty tough going though, each waking took up to an hour

Are you sure he is waking because he's hungry? My ds was the same up until 6.5 months and a friend advised trying cranial osteopathy. Two sessions and he was sleeping through the night. He wakes occasionally now, mainly due to teething, and we only go in if he cries for more than five minutes as he will have managed to turn himself over otherwise he settles himself back to sleep. I can basically guarantee he will sleep from 9 to 6:30 every night now. It was about £75 all in so well worth looking into. Hth.

Hi and thank you. I have lots to think about now.

Rita, that sounds a bit similar to what we tried a while back only next time we need to substitute water for milk! Only thing is that even after staying out of the way for a few nights, when I did get uo to him in the night again he immediately paws at my chest and literally tries to crawl inside my dressing gown. I find it really hard to hold and soothe him like this. Not sure how old your DS is but did he do this and if so what did you do? I sympathise with you, after all that hard work, colds and teeth so easily throw a spanner in it

LostIn I am convinced he is not hungry. For the past week he has had a cough and I suspect a sore throat so can understand if he needs a drink but I know I should be giving him water. It still doesn't explain the other endless months of it...
I have googled cranial osteopathy for babies. I've seen it on threads and wondered what it was all about. I am quite tempted but am not sure what DP's view would be. Guaranteed sleep sounds wonderful...

Thanks again, I feel more positive about trying to tackle this again

I honestly don't think night-waking is about hunger after the first few months, it's more a behavioural/developmental thing and milk and boob are a comfort and sleep aid. Which is fine while it works for you but I don't think we should feel bad about wanting a full night's sleep eventually - babies need a full night's sleep too so it's not entirely selfish

The first time we did it only DP went to him in the night as it was too confusing for DS for me not to feed him. This time I have been going in to him but avoiding any feeding-type situations like lying down with him, cradling him, resting his head against my chest, sitting in the armchair with him - basically I just don't pick him up! We try to keep it brief, lying him back down with his dummy or sometimes rubbing his back if he's very upset.

Last night was half success, half failure - he has been having a dreamfeed at 11pm and over the last couple of weeks I've been moving it forward to 9.30pm, and last night dropped it completely. He woke 3-4 times (memory is hazy) between 9pm-4am but went back to sleep pretty quickly each time, and slept fine between 4am-6am when I fed him - I would have fed him after 5am I think but he didn't wake til 6. So at least I know he doesn't need milk in the night, just need to ride out the waking. He's very snotty at the moment and I think that was contributing last night. He's 8 months by the way!

Well done Rita, that sounds like you are making good progress. I agree with you about the night feeding not being about hunger. I think part of our problem is that I have used it to get him settled so as not to disturb older sister. Anyway. last night was better so I feel much brighter. He slept from 7.30 - 11.30 when he had a feed and then again aroung 4ish I think. I can cope with that for a little bit longer...
Good luck for you for tonight. Hope he is less snotty.

Sorry for spelling! Must still be more tired than I think!

I had this problem, DS2 is 1 next week. 2 weeks ago I just went cold turkey on night feeds and DH went in when he woke and did whatever it took to get him back to sleep (mainly lots of cuddling). He only offered water. First two nights were rough. Now he's slept through several times. There has been screaming. His older brother did get woken a lot, but it was totally worth it for the first proper sleep I've had for 11.5 months! I know it's so daunting and hard to start, and in fact I'm still psyching myself up for dropping the three remaining day feeds, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and he caught on pretty quickly. Better now than once they are 14/15 months from what I hear...

Ps I meant to add that he had a birdlike appetite before hte night weaning and in the last week he has just gone CRAZY for solids and can't get enough - he's suddenly like a feeding machine and has really chunked up, so that's another source of stress removed thank goodness.

Thanks Mimmit - he does seem less snotty today, he's had a couple of good naps and self-settled at bedtime so I'm feeling hopeful...

11.30pm and 4am for feeds sounds pretty good too - that's what I started with and then shifted the 4am one to 6am and then the 11pm one til 9pm.