Losing my confidence......

[legallyblond]

Excuse multiple posts of this - I am posting in breastfeeding, weaning and sleeping because it all seems wrong at the moment and I can't pinpoint where the problem is!

DD is 23 weeks (so, 5 and a half months) and is ebf. Up until a few weeks ago, I felt really confident with how I was choosing to "mother" her. She's ebf and weight gain has been great - she's 98th centile (born on 75th) and her height and head circum is off the chart (over 99.6th! Not too surprising asd I'm 5'11", although skinny with it).

I am the only person I know ebf, the only person with DD still in our room, the only person who doesn't (and never has) do crying it out with DD and the only person I know who wears DD in a sling. So you get the general idea... Not a problem before as all was going well, but now I am SERIOUSLY doubting myself and thinking I have got it all wrong!!!

1. DD used to sleep pretty well - she got down to 1 or 2 wakings in the night, although then she went to be at 10pm. She now goes to bed at 7pm (I used the no cry sleep solution ideas for a routine at that time because DD was starting to be very tired then) BUT wakes all night, often every 1 and a half hours. If I feed her, she eats and goes straight back to sleep so, for my sanity, this is what I've been doing. I just cannot bear to have her "crying it out" in the cot. I know I've been taking the easy option by offering the nipple (she is then asleep again within 5 minutes), but I have needed the sleep!!! Everyone I know is telling me I am wrong and have made a rod for my own back. Many have "blamed" bf on demand..

During the day I still feed on demand - she asks for it every 2 to 3 hours, so she is eating plenty!

1. I have started weaning DD (started at 21 weeks) with baby rice and fruit puree. when she's 6 months I plan to give lots of finger foods too (I am no purist about BLW etc!). BUT, DD is still not swallowing any of the baby rice after 3 weeks. She just spits it all out. If she's not interested or at all upset, I just stop. A bit like with the crying it out, I really don't want to force feed her is she doesn't want it, but also like the crying it out, everyone around me is telling me I am wrong!

1. Napping is also a nightmare - I have to "wear" her down to sleep in the sling if she doesn't fall asleep on the breast. Again, all friends say I should just put her in the cot and let her cry!

Please, any advice?

I am feeling a bit low and VERY tired from lack of sleep and just feel like I am doing this all wrong...

DD, by the way, remains happy as Larry.

I have just hit a bit of a brick wall..!

It sounds as if you are doing it "wrong" for YOU as you are shattered and want to do something else. But if you are happy with how things are - or if you knew what other people were really doing, you may be doing everything "right".

1. If she doesn't have a dummy or suck her thumb she may need a feed to settle to sleep. If you put her in her own room she may not wake you so easily and may settle herself to sleep before you even hear her, but maybe she'd just have to be louder!
2. I did similar with weaning. Eventually she'll want to swallow the food and that's fine. Don't push it. Continue to offer a spoon, but maybe try some soft finger foods. Never force it and try to feed her at the same time as you eat so it's all normal and she sees what to do.
3. When it comes to naps I have always known when my DDs are tired so put them in a cot and if they have a little cry as they settle themselves it doesn't bother me as I know they'll be happy once asleep. If you want to try this I strongly suggest leaving the room and going somewhere you can't hear her for 10 mins and no less. If it's going to work it will work within 10 mins and no less.

Sounds like she isn't ready for solids yet, so I'd stop and try again at 26 weeks. She's still quite young for it.

With the sleep, I had the same with my ds and had had enough by 5 months! Do you feed to sleep? Sounds like the problem is just that she hasn't learned to fall asleep on her own, so every time she stirs in the night she needs a nipple to get back to sleep.

There's a couple of ways you can approach this - read the NCSS again for her method of stopping the suck-to-sleep association. I didn't use her method but I know other people who have had success.

What I did is stop feeding to sleep, and started rocking to sleep instead - there was crying of course, but it was crying in arms being comforted rather than crying it out in a cot. Once ds could be rocked to sleep, I then started putting him down in his cot just before he fell asleep, and shushing and patting him til he dropped. Gradually you do a bit less "helping" until they can fall asleep on their own. Now I tend to put ds down, shush or stroke him a little but leave the room before he falls asleep - then when he stirs in the night he can get himself off to sleep. If he cries I go back in, calm him again but leave before he falls asleep.

"til he dropped off"

IMO sling wearing and her sleeping in your room doesn't have much to do with it. Many people use slings, you only have to look around to see other mothers using them all the time, and as far as I know they don't have any effect on sleep patterns. She's only 5 months so that's fairly normal for her to still be in your room. Don't worry what other people are doing. People decide to move their baby into their own rooms depending on many factors such as layout of house, somebody snoring etc etc so that's not something to worry about.

I think always feeding her to sleep isn't the best habit. I get it, I've done it, you're tired...boob will get her back to sleep in 5 mins or less...I hate to use the expression but in a way you ARE making a rod for your own back. I've done the crying it out for 3 nights and although it worked I wasn't comfortable with it so have found other methods to get her to sleep. Pick up put down, shushing, patting, and singing to her all seem to help her settle. It took a few nights of tears in the cot while I did this but now she settles very quickly and I don't feel as exhausted as I did when I was feeding her all through the night. She also can settle herself much better so doesn't always fully wake up if she stirs. It's helped us both.

Oh, I forgot she's only 23 weeks. My DDs were in our room until they were at least 9 months I think. I did get quite good at just listening to them wake and waiting for them to settle before picking up and feeding though. So definitely don't put her in her own rom until she doesn't wake at night for a feed.

Hi there - 21 or 23 weeks are quite young to be worried that she's got no interest in baby food. I'd stop and try her again with finger foods at 26 weeks. But don't imagine that will have any effect on the sleeping - sorry, that sounds nightmarish, but I do believe there just is no point to CIO at 5 months.