Weaning & parents with eating disorders

[Curlywig]

Hello

I have name changed for this post but am a regular.

I am looking for some advice/ support from parents who may have/ have had an ED and have got to the point of weaning their DCs.

Before I start please for one minute do not think that I am considering not giving my DD food or that I am looking to limit what she is having.

On the contrary, I have had such a crap relationship with food (partiucally brought on by my parents relationship with food) and I really want my DD to have a good relationship with food and enjoy it.

I think that what I am concerned about most is ensuring that she gets enough and gets enough of everything. I really like the idea of BLW but think that I may try some spoon fed foods too.

Thinking about weaning my DD (nearly 5 months old now but not sure she is quite ready) has really made me think long and hard about my own eating habits. I have seen a therapist before for other issues which are related but not really directly dealt with the issues that I have around food- I have just contacted the therapist again today as I realise i need to speak about this.

I would like to find out if anyone else has had to deal with this issue and how you managed it. I wasnt sure if I should post this here or in somewhere like relationships - seems a bit serious for the weaning board.

Thanks for reading :)

And yes, my Mum is wonderfully supportive of me and is really into the BLW idea. We've all come a long way!

I'm a more-or-less ex-anorexic. Some of the time I feel completely over it and other times it comes back to get me. I over-fed dd - am now ashamed of how I forced food on her because I was terrified, and convinced, she would starve to death if I didn't. But at around 10 mo I got more of grip, and since then, and from the beginning with ds (they're now 10 and 6), I've worked on the basis that it's my job to provide tasty, nutritious food at appropriate intervals, and theirs to eat what they need/want. So if they leave it, that's fine, I assume they're not hungry. If they want more, they can have it. If they eat all the tomato, half the rice and one bite of chicken, I assume that's what they need just now. If someone suddenly doesn't like potatoes one day, that's fine by me. No pressure ever to eat anything, no alternatives ever to anything. We all eat together and everyone is offered the same thing. So there's no way anyone, including me, can start a power struggle over food, and everyone, including me, takes responsibility for meeting their own needs and recognising their own limits. It's hardest at the beginning when it's difficult to tell if they're not eating through incompetence or disinclination, but as long as there's plenty of milk on offer you know they'll get what they need and you make yourself - and therefore them - trust their bodies. Both are tall and thin, like their dad. Neither is fussy, though they both have phases of disliking things. Both know when they've had enough and when they really are hungry. And I learn from them every day.

Hello all, we still haven't started weaning yet but it's on my mind quite a bit so I hope no one minds me joining in. Ds is now 21 weeks and I plan to wait until 26 weeks and then do blw.

One of the thingsive realised reading everyone else's posts is that I am being very rigid my approach to ds' eating already and he's not even started solids yet! By which I mean I have followed the official guidelines to the letter and he is still ebf. It has half killed me to get to this point but I have (once again, it's a typical pattern for me) painted a food issue as black and white. Not explaining myself very well.

Legally you won't recognise me but I remember you from a "waiting to ttc" thread back in 09 when I had a different username and the subject of eds came up. It's great that we've both been lucky enough to have our longed for dc! You sound like you're doing a great job.

curly sorry about your unsupportive hv. I am also very conscious of ds' weight but for the opposite reason as he is very small and at one point my hv visitor was weighing him too frequently and making me nervous...

Anyway, in the spirit of being less rigid I gave ds a broccoli floret to throw on the floor chomp on this eve. He loved it!

hi Oko, well done on the broccoli! haven't tried that yet - sounds quite messy?

Willa, lovely post. your dcs are lucky to have a mum prepared to learn from them rather than impose on them. exactly what I am hoping to manage to do.

well melon went ok, since then we've tried rice cakes (dt1 loves them, dt2 not), cucumber (dt1 tasted once, won't pick up again, dt2 chews with a very funny expression on his face), pear (big hit with both) and buttered toast (kinda ok with both).

It's been a bit of a last minute "oh, what shall we get the babies now?" panic sometimes though. I think I'm going to include a baby column in this week's meal planner! It will make me calmer, I think, though it doesn't seem to fit with the carefree style of blw . I know you're supposed to just give them what you're eating, but there's no way they could pick up rice for example, so we're sticking to single foods for now.

oh and legally, enjoying safe foods? fantastic!

Hi everyone

legally blonde well done, it sounds like you are making fantastic progreess (both you and your DD!) Ah thats so lovely that she is having real fun with it, it sounds like you are both very chilled out, good on you! Really encouraging as I am sure that once I get into it and see dd having fun with it I will feel a lot less tense.

Willa it sounds like having a laid back approach to the food in your house has made things easier too, I think we just have to try to trust that our little ones will know whats enough for them and great that you all get to eat together too. I think unforutanely for those of us who have had issues with food in the past it is something that will always linger in the background. I certainly feel like I have to keep myself in check and manage it.

Oko think we might be starting around the same time then! Really glad that your ds enjoyed the brocolli!

Hey Mama I am thinking of doing something like that with a planner. Even if I plan that DD is going to have the same as us then at least I know where I am with it which is how you must feel too. And I think if that is how you plan your meals then the babies should be part of that too so try not to worry about the carefree part of blw. Actually can I ask, did you download your planner from somewhere or make it up yourself? Think it would be quite handy for me to have that.

Spoke to my counsellor again yesterday, I got in touch with her explaining how uneasy I had felt about things and that I knew that feeling and how it related to the weaning. She said this kind of thing is really common in those people who have had ED's and issues around food and when they introudce food to their children. She said that I could come back into therapy to discuss it more or that I might be able to manage it as I am obvoiusly so aware that I dont want to project any issues on to DD. I bought the blw cookbook which is really good, but thats when I got in touch with her after reading it as i started to feel a bit panicky. Anyway going to give it another read this evening and have a think about what things i might like to make for DD. Just taking it all one step at a time. :)