Please help me take off my hypocritical judgeypants wrt early weaning

[belindarose]

BIL sent photo yesterday of his 15 week old DD 'eating' some kind of beige coloured stuff, presumably baby rice. I know it's not supposed to be any of my business, but I feel upset about it. They're coming to stay tomorrow (we haven't seen them since DN was a few days old). I don't want to be judgemental or preachy and wouldn't have inflicted my pro-BLW views on them in any case (although would offer it up as an alternative weaning method if they hadn't heard of it). Shall I just say nothing at all? They just want her to grow up so quickly and I suppose I can't do anything to stop that. SIL doesn't have any 'mum' friends, and doesn't like groups of any kind. They're quite a bit younger than us so definitely don't want to appear patronising.
The 'hypocrisy' reference in thread title relates to the fact that we began weaning DD (now 13 mo) at 5 months on advice of gastric paed. He wanted her to be eating 'by' six months and as we were doing BLW he said we should start then in order for her to get the hang of it. Actually, she got it from day 1. In my defence she was sitting unaided and I did obsessively 'correct' BLW without handing her anything.
I imagine SIL has been told by her mum that DN is hungry and needs food. This is what stopped her breastfeeding at 6 weeks.
Just wanted to get that off my chest and too scared of AIBU! Feel free to tell me I'm a hypocritical cow and to keep my nose out.

It isn't any of your business. TBH you sound a bit smug and competitive to me, so you probably will to them. I don't know what good could come of saying anything now anyway, they are already weaning her.

Yes, I do. But I'm not.

Well you could separate 'not blw' from 'early weaning' in your mind, for a start - they are separate things. (Before 'blw' was invented as a term there were plenty of mums who waited till 6 months to wean - there were good enough arguments about gut immaturity to persuade us to wait, without the need for a shiny new religion idea like blw as well . So your friend might easily be persuaded to wait without signing up to the full 'blw' idea.)

So if you were going to get into a discussion (which I wouldn't recommend really) you could focus on arguments about gut immaturity, and leave the benefits of the baby entirely regulating their own intake out of it. I think you'd be onto a bit of a loser though, sorry. Even between the very best of friends it can be a friendship breaker to for one to try to communicate to the other what a brilliant parenting technique such and such a thing is. It's like there's an impenetrable glass wall up that stops the real information getting across and only causes angst instead. It's almost impossible to get across a 'try this it's so much better' message, without overwhelming it with an accompanying 'you're doing it all wrong' message - because, let's face it, 'doing it all wrong' is exactly what you think they are doing.

I know, you're both right. I don't know why it bothers me so much! I don't care how they bath her, dress her, etc. I won't comment!

I think you're probably right to leave it alone belindarose. Everyone has different ideas, for example I really can't get my head around BLW, and can't get past the 'surely they will choke on that' thing in my head, although I know lots of people swear by it.

FWIW I first gave my DD baby rice at 14 weeks and she was very much happier for it. Previously she would scream from teatime to bedtime no matter how many bfs I gave her, sometimes she would even take so much she would be sick. So everyone thought she was colicky, but after she started on a small amout of solids the evening screamaton abated and she was much happier in general so it looks like she was hungry rather than colicky.

Every baby is differrent to I guess, a 'Mum friend' and I's babies both did much better weight wise after solids were introduced, whereas our other friend EBF until more than 6 months, because her DD was packing on the weight fine.

BLW is totally different from earning weaning.

I have not done BLW but have waited until 5.5 months..... I would also be horrified by what you describe.

I think the early weaning health implications is probably what upsets you OP - maybe you can innocently say "Oh have they changed the guidelines now? We were told to wait til later..."

Agree with MaudOHara's suggestion but beyond that, probably best to keep out of it. Why are you upset about it? Be careful you are not projecting your own fears or feeling the way you do because you are being overly defensive of your own approach.

A very close friend of mine is expecting a baby and is already planning to help it sleep through the night by adding cereal to thicken the milk ("they do it everywhere else in Europe"). I was a bit , but I kept quiet, she is intelligent enough to do her own research and make her own mind up. Its not really my business.

This is a difficult one. I agree with you about weaning so early not being a good thing, but unfortunately you really can't say anything.

You have kids around the same age so as they grow up there will be hundreds of times when you and your partner have to bite your tongue. And probably just as many times that your SIL and brother will do the same!

Just imagine how you'd feel if they commented on decisions you've made, even if done in the nicest possible way with the very best intentions. Personally I wouldn't even go with Maud's suggestion as I don't think I could manage to say it without it sounding like a criticism. But maybe you're a better actor than me!!

Thanks. I didn't say anything. But yes, Maud, it was the early weaning implications, especially as all of us have allergies and the baby has bad excema.

you really need to keep your opinions out of it. Any comment and you will come across as hideously passive aggressive. Just concentrate on the fact she is your SIL and enjoy their company. No comment needed on how they feed/wean their child