I am so so rubbish at feeding my toddler

[lavender11]

This is a guilt trip post. My toddler 22 months is not eating well with me and i think it is my fault. tiny bit of background. She is a daddy's girl and has become even more so since our second child boy 4 months arrived back in may. My husband is something of a novelty to her and they do get on very well but on the feeding front if she refuses to eat her meal he will give her something else like soft cheese on oatckes or fromage frais so not very unhealthy but not exactly veg. Anyway husband is away for this weekend, had a terrible night last night with both my son and daughter crying at the same time for a couple of hours plus the usual night feeds for son son i was very tired getting them up this morning. I made her poached egg and wholemeal bread flora light soldiers for breakfast. She at the toast but refusted the egg even the soldiers dipped in egg. Lunchtime I made her fish pie and mash (includes veg) she refused even one mouthful. I made her another piece of wholemeal toast and flora which she ate. My husband left me a cake to get me thro the weekend (!) (and I try to eat it out of sight of the children but the small amount of sugar helps me with my sleepness nights). This afternoon we went to a national trust property 25 mins from home. Daughter was winging in the car due to boredom / distance, I stupidly promised her cake and a drink when we arrived (which I had packed with flask of tea for me plus apples and beaker of water for her). I gave her a small piece of cake and a small piece of flapjack when we arrived. This evening on our return i made turkey with tomoatoes and veg. She refused even one mouthful. We usually give her a full bottle of follow on milk / full fat milk first thing in morning and last thing at night. She holds out on her dinner in anticipation of the bottle. tonight i was so cross (with myself as much as anything) that she had refused 3 meals that i put her to bed without the bottle but after she had drunk some water from her beaker. screaming ensued. i got her out of bed and sat her in her highchair again with her dinner and water to drink. she again refused both. back in cot and went to sleep quickly. she has an empty stomach (last thing small piece of flapjack 4.45pm) so she may well wake in the night from hunger. if i then offer her bottle in the night i have just reinforced her habit of holding out for the bottle. yet my giving her cake this afternoon was all my fault and the route of the problem. i am dismayed at how strong willed she is and how i have lost control of the situation. i know the answer is only ever to offer the meal and nothing in between meals and probably to cut out bottles first thing and last thing (although not as suddenly as I have today and in the context of a battle of wills). the guilt at being crap is terrible

giving her the cake isn't the root of the problem, honestly. a bit of cake now and then isn't going to make her refuse all other meals

stop being so hard on yourself :-)

i would maybe cut down the milk in the bottles, tho not cut it out completely becasue it's nice for her to have the comfort and the milk

but yeah, just keep serving up the food and she'll eat it if she is hungry

you need a good talk with your husbanmd too tho about how you are going to deal with this- it's not ok for him to keep offering other foods if she isn';t eating meals properly

Oh, You have my sympathy.

my DS (now 27 months) is a little bugger for not eating.. my DD (Now 13 months) is a pure delight!!!

FWIW (and I'm certainly no expert) I never withold milk (both have follow on milk at bedtime and, honestly, DD never finishes hers as she is so good at drinking water and eating so DS has the end of hers too ) but its part of their bedtime routine, so I never miss it out.

BUT... I never offer more than one choice of meal (they eat 3 meals and 2 snacks per day) and it's that or nothing. the only other thing they are allowed to eat is food from my plate (weirdly, they now both love prawn stirfry!!)

They are both allowed one bottle of milk in the morning too. DS has his, usually, around 5am and then goes back to sleep.. DD more often than not, doesn't bother and prefers fruit and porridge for breakfast.

She is sitll little and (I'm guessing) sees the baby having a bottle too... my DS was only 13 months when DD came along and def. reverted to some baby-ish habits (not wanting a cup, wanting a bottle etc) but now that DD is older, they are progressing together.

HTH

Don't worry, my DD's a bit like this too. You can't base anything on this single day, she could have had no appetite, she may be teething, have a headache or be feeling a bit unwell, she may have eaten lots yesterday and she my catch up tomorrow.

Relax, I know it's horrible when you've put a lot of effort into cooking for them but she will eat what she needs to. You can lead a horse to water... And don't worry about the cake etc, unless overweight children do need a lot of calories.

Also, why give her Flora light? Shouldn't she have full fat?

thisisyesterday thanks for your reply. sometimes she drinks all the milk (I am certain she would have drained the bottle tonight if i had let her) but sometimes she only drinks half or less if she has actually eaten something. i agree i need to settle on a plan with husband. youknow thanks for your post which helped, the last paragraph rings true and there is some regression with my daughter since sibling son was born, she loves her bottle and night and i like giving it to her because it is a nice go to sleep routine. maybe that is partly why i now feel so crap because i denied her that tiny go to sleep pleasure of some milk before sleep. oh well, will have to try harder tomorrow that she eats a bit better than 2 pieces of toast, some milk and some cake. if she wakes in the night should i give her the bottle i prepared for this evening? i am thinking yes although the messages I am giving her are all wrong i know. i wont wake her up for it, just if she herself wakes wanting something. (ps she is not thin, not fat, fairly stocky in a toddler kind of way but build wise I think she takes after both my husband and myself which is quite slim. i mention this on the basis that she is not underfed but i wish i could get more proper food down her to state the obvious) thanks anyway for your replies they help very much