SOS one year old to night wean

[ScotlandDottyMummy]

I have got into a bit of a pickle with breastfeeding.

DD2 is just one a year old now, and still wakes in the night sometimes 3/4 times. I co-sleep in the spare room with her whilst DD1 sleeps in the bed with dad because since DD2 was born she wakes in the night TOO!

I've been back at work a couple of months now and I can be so tired in the day as work is so full on. I really want to stop the night feeds but when I have tried to refuse her instant, heart breaking crying ensues and I'm too tired to refuse! Ideally I would like to bf just in the evening, for DD2 to sleep in the cot (she never has) and DD1 back in her bed. But when I'm not so tired I think why not give them what they want?

I think the problem is I'm too tired/emotional to really think it through.

Help needed! Any tips would be very much appreciated.

It sounds very familiar! Has anyone mentioned Dr Jay to you? Have a look here:

drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

It maybe your DD2 is a little young, haven't re-read it and can't remember.

Sorry, realised I started this when I haven't got time to write it properly, so I'll come back but just going to say that if you're knackered, maybe the best thing immediately is to make an active decision that you're going to do what's easiest for the short term (a week? a month? whatever), get a couple of naps in when your DP can help out to get you through, and then make a plan. Sometimes feeling you've made a decision to be where you are can give you the strength to make a change!

Also, in short - could you put a cot for DD2 next to your bed and take one side off? Makes putting back in a cot less disruptive in the night, you might be able to ease yourself away from her over a few nights?

And I'm guessing you've read the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley too? Most co-sleepers have, but if you haven't I recommend a look! Most libraries have it.

HTHs, will come back, promise...

SDM - are you me? AM in same boat ... co-sleeping in DC2's room, back at work, no good nights sleep in over a year... except DC1 sleeps in own bed but does still wake frequently at night which DH deals with.

I just feel too exhausted to start any kind of training cos I know I don't have the stamina to keep it up all night.

I bought that Dr Jay book, but had no time to read yet - there is a nice short description on his website here

Was half thinking about trying something tonight - first night of weekend and all, but am not sure.... and you have to 100% sure for it to work I think

I often say it is v lucky DC2 is soo cute....

oops didn't read other replies properly, mij linked to same thing

Nothing to add other than same here! 16 months gone now and still bfing 3-4 times a night, DD comes into our bed at the first wake up about 11/12 and DP goes to the futon in her room (as I couldn't sleep on it). Often bemoaning how tired we are. Been working since she was 13 months, 2 days just going up to 3 this week.

I agree that an interim plan makes it seem a bit better, I had been contemplating Dr Jay's method for a while but recently said to myself "we'll carry on like this until mid October" (when I'm going away with DD for a weekend and will cosleep then anyway). And trying not to think beyond that!

Just can never decide if trying to night wean would be better than trying her in her own bed first, which I think we will do, convert the unused cot to cotbed and get new bedding when she turns 18 months (arbitrarily, I just got it in my head that things would change at that age). Sorry, rambling now.

Thanks guys!

On Mumsnet in middle of night again as fell asleep after long evening feed and woke at 2am. Keep doing that and it really messes my clock up as I don't seem to be able to get back to sleep and I've missed all of my friday evening with DP. Again.

Anyay, was thinking about tring to be clearer about what I want to achieve and thinking that really I just don't want to be waking between 12 and 6/7. I looked at the Dr Jay and it's a slightly more soft CC approach but I just think I have to accept she is going to cry if I'm to get her off night feeds whatever.'

I'm going to try putting her in the cot. I'm pretty sure we are both waking each other up, and I just don't think having her in our main bed works (hence why I've been sleeping in spare room for ages!) I'm going to use the spare bed to cuddle her if necessary but then no feeds after 12 and into the cot she goes. If she is too upset for too long I will cuddle her again in the bed, but I am going to try not feeding her and offering her a sippy cup of water only maybe.

I will let you know how that goes. Of course tonight she is fast asleep in spare bed cos that is where we fell asleep so I need to sleep train myself too lol!

I used to fall asleep too, still do occasionally with DD2 but at least DP generally wakes me up when he leaves DD1 after bedtime. I found I had to switch to feeding sitting up, and by then DD1 was easier to put down, or at least wouldn't be as disturbed by it as she had been and could be shushed back to sleep if she did protest.

I think setting out your times is a very good way forward. We used to have a rule that if DD1 woke before I had got into bed and turned out the light, she got a feed, but not after. We told her that my boobs needed to sleep too and she did accept it, eventually. And yes, she was a bit older, and yes, there was a bit of crying, but I really don't think it equates to CC because she wasn't crying alone. I honestly feel crying when cuddled by someone sympathetic is a whole other thing.

Good luck with getting her into the cot. I think I mentioned the No Cry Sleep Solution..? Lots of ideas in there, but no quick fixes so it depends how desperate you are vs. how gentle you want to be!

It doesn't matter what parenting style you choose, there are always uncomfortable trade-offs to me made. Anyway, good luck, and keep your eyes on the prize.

Hmmm. Took DD1 out to cinenma, came back at 6 and DD2 had just woken from nap! She had had so much fun with DP that she conked out, but I wasn't too happy as of course she took ages to go to sleep - not til way after 9 - so of will be tired tomorrow and I was so tired settling her I fell asleep too!

She woke for a quick feed at 4, which I gave her as too tired to do anything else. And she is in the bed!

I feel so weak willed about this, but if I'm tired I just do what is easiest :-(

Hi OP,

I have been in the same situation than you for a very long time but for the last week DD seems to have understood that night time is to sleep. Have you checked how much she sleeps during the day? DD is 13 months now and until last week she was still having morning naps of 40 minutes because she was getting very early in the morning and she was very tired. That also meant that she was waking up 2 or 3 times at night for a feed and I was just too exhausted to change it.

However last week I explained her (I used this method before but she got ill and had to go back to feeding her at night) that milk was only for day time and that I was not going to breastfeed her at night. I told her that if she woke up I would give her some water but not milk. This plus not sleeping in the morning seems to have worked out very well. She is now going to bed at 7:30pm after a feed and waking up between 5:30 and 6am for another feed and back to sleep till 8:30am. Of course not having a morning nap means we have to have lunch a bit earlier and her afternoon nap is also a bit earlier but it is worth it believe me.

Make sure that she does not sleep too much during the day so she is tired for bedtime and may sleep at night.

Hope this helps you. I thought we would be waking up at night for ages till last week. Now I am very happy we can all have a few good hours without waking up. Good luck with whatever you decide to try and most important stick to it.

Firstly, I'm so pleased that it is working out for you - that gives me hope too!

DD2 never been a huge sleeper in the day either really, especially if I'm not by her side. She goes to nursery 3* a week and there she sleeps an hour or so after an early lunch. But at home she might sleep 9.30/10 for between 1 and 2 hours (they recommend 3 hours at this age still? ) But then she will be tired late in the afternoon and will only sometimes take another nap.

I think what I have to do is move her morning nap to same as nursery, although that is hard because she really plays catch up on the day or two after her nursery days. I want her to nap in her cot too as I feed her to sleep cuddle on the bed!

She is starting to understand 'lie down' and 'go to sleep' (she is so cheeky though and pretends to sleep sometimes then giggles!) So I need to try cutting out that 4am feed with 'no milk'. Will let you know how I get on! x

My DD has never really followed the guidelines on how many hours babies need to sleep. I gave up when I realised I wsz getting very frustated because she wouldn't sleep the hours she was meant to sleep.

Each child is different and you will knoe better than anyone else how many hours your daugther needs.

My DD used to sleep her morning nap in thep pram while we were out and about so know I go out but without the pram just with the sling. She has started walking too so I just allow her to walk and when she gets tired I carry her. I have also introduced a snack in the morning instead of a nap and it seems to work. Try to move her long nap to the afternoon I think it will make a big difference as she won't be so tired and may go to sleep easily. It may also help to let her move around and do some exercise so she is really tired.

Let me know how it goes and good luck. All changes at first are difficult but they get used to it. It is worth a try if it makes a difference but don't expect to work straight away. You may need a week or so