21 month old battles over food

[lavender11]

aaahhh she has been sat in high chair on and off since 12 noon refusing her lunch help am going mad

Get her down, do something else and serve up tea early. Is it something that she hasn't tried before? Or is she just not hungry?

she has eaten several mouthfuls but is refusing this one last one in the past she has got an alternative from my husband, i dont know what to do

should i give her the same thing (what is uneaten) for her dinner
it is cheesy mash and salmon with a bit of carrots. i have given up on the carrots bit

So she has eaten something? She's probably just had enough.

I'd give her something different for dinner. Maybe she just didn't like the lunch?

she always refuses her food for me. she eats the same food in other contexts (nursery where we have to send food along)my husband gives her cheese and biscuits and fromage frais and crisps on demand

We have this regularly, although quite often he won't even try a bite. I expect ds (20 months) to sit in his high chair until we've finished and then I just let him down without comment.

If he eats nothing then I do make sure he has something I know he'll def eat for the next meal, as I don't want him to be hungry and I think he's forgotten by the next meal time, so not sure consequences work at this age.

In my ds's case it's def to push boundaries/ behavioural, and it works much better to just ignore him. I don't think at this age they will understand being given it for the next meal.

Its very very frustrating, and the likelihood of them doing it is inversely proportional to how much effort you put into making the meal!

I'd just get her down, ignore it, and forget it. Once they know they've got you riled they use it as power!

Oh yes- def a power thing then if she'll eat for others. My ds does the same at the CMs. I can't believe what he'll eat for her which he wouldn't even touch for me.

And sorry, don't mean ignore your dd - I just mean ignore the fact they aren't eating. Still chat etc like all is well.

Also been through this with DS1 who is 2.7. My tactic is to trust that he has had enough when he says he has had enough. He gets offered 3 meals a day - all of them with one or both parents and DS2 and no snacks in between - just water. If he doesn't eat at one meal then he makes up for it at the next. I don't make any negative comments about what he doesn't eat but praise when he eats well. I always give him the second part of the meal even if he hasn't eaten the main well. FWIW I really don't think its worth getting into battles about food as it makes every meal time a nightmare.

I also find he eats better with others - in fact he improved massively when we all started eating together as much less focus on what he was and wasn't eating than when I was feeding him but not eating myself if that makes sense.

My DD has always been a bit of a fussy eater. I do find the best thing is just to completely relax, serve the meals up (fairly small portions) and let her choose how much she eats. She doesn't get an alternative and she does have to sit at the table for a little while even if she doesn't eat. Sometimes she has lots, sometimes she will barely touch it. But she's growing well and full of energy, so I don't worry.

You say 'has eaten several mouthfuls and is refusing the last one'? I would assume she's full. Really not worth making a big deal over IMO.

Agree completely with sazlocks that it's also much better when eating together.

Eating together is definitely best, however I have found that, when DS is eating alone, he's best left alone. I cut up his food, put it in front of him, then potter around doing other things, keeping an eye and chatting to him but not sitting with him. Watching him eat just gives him an audience for "I dooooooon't liiiiiike it!"

you are all so right
yes she eats much better when not watched by me which seems to make me want to watch her more. i confess total failure here, i get so stressed and she eventually "wins" as she did today and didnt eat the last mouthful. i guess looking back at lunchtime today the "last mouthful" was me trying to get her to understand that there is no choice over what she gets to eat (ie only the healthy stuff i have prepared) where historically we have been quite inconsistent about this. oh god
dinner time coming up, i am dreading it, she has had nothing since "lunch" but i am dreading another total refusal

She really doesn't need to eat the last mouthful for it to be considered a successful meal! If she's been made to sit in her high chair on and off for 3 hours ( I may have misunderstood your original post) then it's no wonder she isn't interested any more. Please try to relax more about food around her. It shouldn't be a battle where one of you 'wins' - it's about ensuring she has a varied diet and learns that food is fun. That's not going to happen if you get this tense at meal times.

My DS (now 2.5 but been like this sinceabout 18mo) has phases where he eats more and phases where he eats less, some days he is fussy, some days he eats everything. And he always eats betterr at nursery or with grandparents or in restaurants or as part of family meal than he does when it is just him eating and me hovering. So I try not to hover now! We eat the something for lunch together, and I chat about the food and get him to help to make it fun - even if it is just putting his spoon and fork on the table and make him feel involved. And when he has an early tea and i'mnot eating with him leave him to it while I potter in the kitchen but do still chat to him. It all definitelyhelps.

I don't mean to sound harsh, or like I have all the answers (I don't :) and have plenty of days where he refuses for no reason!). I am naturally a control freak and have had to force myself to chill out about it, and it is definitely better now and he eats a much broader variety of food.